To think adults don’t throw parties anymore?

I had a big house party for my 40th. It was amazing. I've been to lots of big 40ths/50ths. My parents had a big house party (albeit daytime) for their golden wedding anniversary as well.

I like to host and so does DH. We have a family-oriented daytime house party every year anchored around a big sporting event and it's always a success.

For us it’d be cost but also we both have huge friendship groups and families. It would turn really difficult trying to think who to invite. We have a lot of siblings and are also close to our cousins. They all have kids (some in their 20s and 30s) then we have school friends, uni friends, work friends, parents from school good friends! So it just gets too much!

I’m sociable and generally celebrate with DH and friends, usually a meal and/or some drinks out, maybe a wider family thing too.

I wouldn’t dream of throwing a party. Whilst I can rely on my core 5-6 friends, beyond that most people are total flakes - yeah I’ll come and then cancelling on the day. Not worth the time, money, or effort. I’d rather do something smaller with the people who give a shit.

That, too.

100% this. Talking to friends from other cultures and the UK (southeast) is definitely a lonelier society.

I went to a big 40th birthday party this year and it was brilliant. The birthday person hired a bar and invited loads of friends and family. Mind you this is someone who is single and child free, and who makes a real effort to prioritise her friendships.

Other mum friends I have who have turned 40 have organised nights out or maybe weekends away, with fewer people but still very good fun and people do make an effort.

However, I can't remember the last time I went to a house party for an adult's birthday. I've been to tea parties for young children at their houses but not a party for the adults, even child free adults. I don't think I've been invited to something like that since before Covid.

My parents had a massive garden party for their 25th wedding anniversary when I was a teenager, and I can't imagine anyone I know of my generation doing anything like that now. A combination of factors (smaller houses, having children later, Covid and social media changing how we socialise) have just shifted expectations.

YANBU- I too remember big parties as a kid held by adults for their birthdays etc

Now, noone has them. Bear in mind though- I remember people's houses back then being much bigger as housing costs weren't as high so they had loads of space for them. Now, lots of people live in flats or smaller properties which make it much harder. I also agree that people are much flakier now. I would not book a hall costing £££ only to have people flake out at the last minute, its just a pointless waste of time and money.

Far rather go out for a meal and then you arent out of pocket or hugely disappointed not to have a massive group attend.

I had a big party for my 40th and recently attended a 50th party. I also know of two big 60th parties in my circle recently.

I think it depends who you know really, or maybe where you live?

Or come on MN to realise all your guests are bitching about being invited to a party they don't want to go to. Or realise half your guests have pulled out because of social anxiety, which has now become some people's entire personality.
Who can be arsed? I only meet small groups in restaurants these days.

My friend had a 40th and loads of people cancelled last minute. She had a room, free booze and buffet and it was only a third full.

Is it to do with people having kids later? 50th parties seem more of a thing. Though I missed my 40th due to covid. Was going to have a party.

I would love a party for my big birthday. I just don't know enough people to invite to fill any space though. I think social media has eroded real connection.

Also a consideration - with more people moving for jobs, love, affordability etc., my good friends are spread all over the place. In fact a number of mine live abroad. I have a couple of good friends where I live now, but not really enough to make a party. DH has even fewer local friends as he works in a city over an hour away by train. Our closest family members are a couple of hours away, and PILs are on the other side of the Atlantic. Whilst people will make an effort to travel for weddings, birthday parties are not in the same bracket and anyway, we do not have room to put everyone up. It is a shame.

Definitely a change of parenthood age has changed things.

Our parents had parties at 40 as they'd spent their 20s/30s dealing with nappies and sleepless nights.

Our generation are partying in our 20s, having babies in our 30s& 40s and resuming the partying at 50 - I've had at least one 50th party every month for a while now.

Agree. People are way too flaky now. I wouldn't go to the trouble or expense for guests to cancel on the day for self-care reasons or whatever.

I'm of this age or soon to be. I know of one person who has had a party but I don't know of anyone else planning to. I won't be; I'd rather spend the money on a holiday.

I think they wait until they are older. All the adult parties I have been to over recent years have been 60th, 65th and 70th parties.

Mind you, it may be because I am in that age bracket. I recall only going to one 40th back in the day though.

It's really expensive and loads of people will just message last minute and not show up.

Particularly for a 40th.

Yes! I was saying this to DH the other day. We throw parties - maybe 2 or 3 a year - and lots of people come. But no one else does. I don't know why.

I do find it a bit of a hassle sometimes hosting but it's so nice getting everyone together and watching the kids hoon around while the adults chat around the brazier.

Exactly. Too easy to flake.

Is it partly because of the rising age of first time parents? My mum turned 40 when I was 19 so maybe she had more headspace for a party? When I turned 40 I had a 5 year old and a 2 year old. Definitely felt like harder work to organise something big so just had people over for drinks and nibbles. I also think covid has put the kibosh on a lot of parties. I remember my niece having birthday parties to go to every weekend from starting school but it's far less for my own children, even in reception. So maybe a couple of reasons there?

I think it used to be more common for 40yr olds to have older children, bigger houses, more money and more time. Now we all have very little ones, we all work more, have less space and things are more expensive. A bit of a downer, but I see why people aren’t really in the mood for parties these days. Social entertaining also seems to be dying out compared to earlier decades – it seems like many people just want a rest.

Saying that I love a dinner party, have a house big enough to host one and could afford it. But I’m very overworked and don’t think I have enough friends who would come!

I have been to a few 40th birthday parties, but all the wild parties I attended were in my 20s and 30s when none of us had children! We were probably going to a party every weekend! Now we are in our early 40s and most have young children or are pregnant so we don’t tend to have big evening parties, more day parties so we don’t have to sort out babysitters. Also a few people moved out of London so logistics are a factor - no more deciding to have a party the day before!

I don’t mind really, I enjoyed the wild parties of my 30s, now it’s nice to do something no different. Maybe we will go back to the wild parties in our 50s/60s!

We still have dinner parties and a big Christmas party though.

I'm a party thrower!

I have dinner parties about every 6-8 weeks (round a dining table but very informal, often one or other friend will bring dessert or cheeseboard, lots of wine will be drunk, plus a few after dinner cocktails/spirits)

I tend to throw 2 house parties a year, one around Christmas and one in the summer to roughly co-incide with my and DHs birthdays. These tend to be afternoon into evening, and I invite all the neighbours as well as our friends and I take the more the merrier approach. Generally they're busy and lively mid late afternoon, settling down to just a couple of handfuls of people by the evening.

Lots of my friends host dinner parties and some do throw house parties.

I've thrown big parties even when we lived in a teeny tiny house - just buffet on the kitchen counters and people swarming the downstairs.

Some people love hosting, some people not so much.

I have found that people have become more flakey since Covid, and many don't reply to big party invites, which makes it really hard to plan food etc. That said, I'm fortunate enough to have a reliable close knit set of friends that won't let me down, so I have a core group that I know will come if they have said they will.

"I think social media living has eroded the physical connections we used to prioritise.

We used to pop around people’s houses. We used to phone on landlines in off peak. We used to send cards."

Yep