To be annoyed that he's obsessed with walking everywhere?

My boyfriend is like this. On a city break we arrived to steady rain, it was a fair walk to the hotel. I suggested a taxi, he insisted on walking. Walking is fine in decent weather - or if you're hiking and have the right gear. Not so fine wearing normal clothes and lugging bags in the pouring rain.

YANBU

If you don’t want to walk, you don’t want to walk.

My DH is someone who likes to pop down into the car to “save” time when it is less than a 10 min walk because he wants to be back for sport when he has plenty of time before it actually starts or it’s half time. He’s also runs 3-4 times a week so I don’t really get it.

I obviously don’t stop him from doing so or say anything. I walk and take public transport, but usually walk because it’s faster due to the traffic in my area. I don’t like being in the car because I get nauseated within the first 15 minutes due to the roads but not on public transport (except when it is too hot due to heating and when pregnant).

He understands why I can’t be in the car unless I have to, us going somewhere as a couple or a family not within walking distance or pressed for time.

I can see why you are both annoyed with each other, but there has to be some compromise. Having him take public transport because you don’t want to walk a relatively short distance is unfair, but so is him expecting you to walk when in pain and/or carrying heavy bags. One walking and one taking public transport to the same place means one likely has to wait for the other and that could only add more tension (unless both don’t mind waiting.)

Reads like you both need to sit down and make a plan beforehand on when you will both walk and when you will both take public transport.

The thing that bothers me most is him arguing with me when I want to take a simple bus ride. I feel bullied for wanting to do a normal thing.

So when the two of you argue about it, you feel bullied? Is that a fair interpretation? or is the argument a two-way thing so that either or both of you could feel 'bullied' by the other one's failure to hear and respect their preference? TBH it does sound like you are intolerant of his preferences. Perhaps he, also, is intolerant of yours, but it doesn't sound likely that the fault is all on his side.

Just respect each other's preferences. Sometimes I walk to a destination and my husband gets the bus and meets me there. That is one solution; another is just mixing and matching, getting the bus some days but not others. But above all, doing this without disparaging the other person (eg by calling them 'obsessed')

He sounds like a bit of an arse to be honest and not very kind to you either. Life is too short to settle , id rather take the bus and carry my own bag than to be in a relationship with a man like him

But without bags, I don’t think it’s unreasonable.

Still unreasonable if OP wants to take the bus. He doesn't get to dictate. They can meet up later. That's what we would do. DH learned that one long ago!

"I can't carry these bags that far, I'm taking the bus" and then he can offer to carry the bags, get on the bus, or walk on his own. Nobody tells me to do something that's harder for me than it is for them without being told that they are being a bossy selfish prick 🤷

How long have you been together? I'd be weary of this. Might just be a one off, or it might be a sign of controlling behaviour.

For what it's worth, a relationship of mine that ended up very controlling started with eye rolling over a bus. He was a germaphobe and thought they were dirty. It escalated to trying to make me quit jobs that involved public transport, and loads of other things as well.

As a non driver I'm happy to walk more than most. I'd walk up to a distance of around an hour rather than get a bus. I only get the bus if I have quite far to go.

If I was with someone who really wanted to get the bus though I wouldn't insist on walking.

Is he stealthily trying to increase your fitness levels? Do you think you could do with more exercise and he's trying to sneak it into your day without bringing it up to your face..

Weighing the bags and arguing his case is very controlling behaviour and I wouldn't have that at all!

Tell him you'll be taking the bus whenever you want to and emphasise that it's not up for discussion.

Walking is fine but it's clearly bizarre and controlling to insist on walking if you have heavy bags to carry and there's a bus running.

OP you could also look into obsessive compulsive personality disorder (not the same thing as OCD) which is characterised by obsessive rigidity in behaviour. See if he matches any of those criteria. It's the most common personality disorder, affecting up to 8% of adults.

That particular time was unreasonable, because of the bags.

But without bags, I don’t think it’s unreasonable.

I’m a bit confused about the bags. Do you mean luggage? Why did you have heavy bags and he didn’t?

Aside from that, neither of you is being unreasonable. You get a bus and he walks? He shouldn’t be telling you not to.

The thing that bothers me most is him arguing with me when I want to take a simple bus ride. I feel bullied for wanting to do a normal thing.

Tell him to stop bullying you, you are not going to argue, go away and stand at the bus stop. If he still tries to argue, repeat that it's not up for discussion.

Tbh normally I'd always rather walk but if he wanted to walk in this instance he should've carried your bags. Generally though you do sound a little lazy...

My husband and I have always loved incorporating a leg stretch! We’d walk back home on nights out together when we were younger (45-50 min walk in the wee hours), walk to the pub every Sunday (about an hour round trip), and even now we aim for about a 2-3 mile walk during our lunch hours every day (with 3 kids). Some of our best dates have included 5+ mile country walks in the middle. My point is, some people love that lifestyle! It’s great for physical and mental health -and bonding!

We prefer to walk. I invested in suitcases with wheels. I have 2 sizes. I can pull far more than I can carry. Boring but life changing. We compromise when we go on city breaks. We'll walk to everything but when it comes to going back to the hotel/ apartment we'll go on public transport of whatever type is most convenient. If I've ended up walking 5 miles away from base I draw the line at walking 5 miles back. I do want to see things I wouldn't see if I was on a bus and I do want to stay fit and walking is good for both of those things. I'm 59 husband is 62

You want to take the bus, he wants to walk, it's only a problem because he's making an issue of it. He doesn't offer to carry your heavy bags anymore and he's trying to shame you into doing it his way, I'd say the lovely early days where he wants to impress you are already gone Op. Not LTB worthy but don't let him bully you to get his own way, not about anything

I would definitely rather walk if it was only 30 minutes walk. But I’d get the bus if I had heavy bags, or it was pouring down with rain or something. So I think he was unreasonable to bully you into walking when you had heavy bags, but next time, just say you’re going to get the bus and stand up for yourself.

I don't understand why your bags are so heavy heading out as opposed to coming back.

Because they'd gone away for the weekend?

Same here. Mine is a tall guy (6ft 2in) and I am a comparative short arse at just over 5ft. So he has long legs to my short ones and he just steams on ahead with me trailing behind often calling out to him to stop and wait!! Drives me round the bend!

OP, your partner would annoy the hell out of me. My response would be:

"I will get the bus if I bloody well want to and won't be preached at by you. You walk if you want to and we'll meet up later/do our own thing/have lunch etc."

Yes, I have done that before and now there is no argument.

In London, I would generally rather take the bus than the tube. There is still an awful lot of time wasted in the tube just getting down to or up from the platform - to say nothing of the that s - l - o - w shuffle onto escalators or through ticket gates and waiting for trains - and some of those corridors are very long. The bus isn't super-fast but it's much more interesting, and if you cross the Thames the views are gorgeous.

Seriously.... Split up with him.

I regularly get the bus one stop, up a hill to our house. I do that because I'm in pain with my ankle (chronic condition) but also because I'm an adult and I can make my own choices. I love the big red taxi. So handy (appreciate we're spoiled by being in London, the buses are shit in my hometown, like most others in the UK)

My DH loves to cycle everywhere and that's cool too, sometimes we will meet for a night out, he'll cycle from work, I get the bus in and treat myself to a taxi home. Sometimes my husband gets the bus with me, sometimes I'll cycle too.

He won't "let" you take the bus? Not cool at all. What will he not "let" you do next?
He's ignoring your wishes
He thinks the bus is inferior for some reason he won't explain (tightness? Poor people? Germs? None of these are good reasons?)
He won't compromise ever
He's adding a huge time sink to your day

I would see this as a massive red flag. Sorry.

Who made him your Boss?

He sounds like a knob. I couldn't be with someone who argued with me about something as petty as taking the bus when I'm carrying heavy bags. No thanks.