How to edge away from a friendship that you don't really want..

I would reply once, saying "hey x, I am so busy outside of work with my children and house work that I am muting my WhatsApp as I just dont have time to reply and I need to be able to switch off or else I cant get anything done- I'll see you at work". Then dont reply anything further at all. If it feels too harsh to say this in a text then tell her next time you see her.

You have then told her why you arent replying so it isnt rude, you haven't blocked her, or done anything unkind or mean but you have set a perfectly reasonable boundary. If she carries on messaging after that, ignore. You can even set do not disturb I think for certain people on WhatsApp? Dont apologise for it though as it's nothing worthy of an apology! We all need down time and it's not something you need to say sorry for as that implies you have done something wrong when you absolutely haven't.

If after saying this she still carries on then that shows she has zero respect for you or your time, doesnt care about your needs/feelings (which is a big red flag), and you may need to have a firmer word with her. As a PP has said, do not then worry about being rude. She is being rude to you by messaging you incessantly when it's clearly unwelcome in the first place.

If she asks you again about meeting up simply tell her that due to childcare/ outside responsibilities you are unable to meet up outside of work. Keep the emotional temperature low and light hearted. Much of our communication is how we express ourselves rather than what we actually say as words, so keep it light and polite but never let the boundary be eroded.

It's difficult when someone latches onto you, you're not doing anything wrong. I would gently explain to her that as a single parent, your time away from work is busy with the children and their activities and you don't have time for messaging in the evening or to meet up. Be distantly friendly at work and ignore messages outside of work.

Tell her straight. You are a very busy single parent with no space for new friends or additional socialising.

Put the WhatsApp chat in the archive folder and forget about it.

Communicate!

"I'm sorry for not being very responsive. I'm so busy at home with the kids and routines that I'm sorry to say I don't really have the time for much out of work stuff.". Don't just block her, it's unkind.

Start asking less about her and give more vague answers. Don't feel shy to cut off conversations if you're busy.

Be kind and respectful but don't feel guilty, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate!

This is good advice. Converse politely and succinctly at work but ignore all personal whatsapps completely. I am not sure if you have been replying thus far but stop. immediately.

It's completely wrong and inappropriate of her to be trying to force a friendship outside of work when you dont want it. You arent obliged to be friends with her and you are not responsible for her feelings. You are allowed to hold a boundary for yourself. All of us deserve respect/civility but we arent owed friendships with anyone.

Why has she got your WhatsApp link, is it a work group?

I’d just politely tell her you have a busy life outside of work, and cannot answer personal messages, so have your phone silenced at home. But happy to chat at work, keep the job going. Make sure she knows that you are there to support work related queries, but that outside of work you are very busy with personal stuff. Keep it polite, light hearted. Hopefully the message will get through. Don’t share any of this with anyone else at work though, keep it all confidential and discreet, nothing shared with others. Managing teams can be difficult. I kept all my subordinates at arms length, it made things easier to manage. I knew that at some point I might end up disciplining someone, so it made things easier.

You don’t have to humour someone who can’t respect professional boundaries. Just stop responding to non work related stuff.

Teams is tricky for this because it enables people to cross boundaries in this way and its insidious. You wouldn’t repeatedly wander over to someone’s desk and ask them questions during the work day but these digital platforms give it a veneer of legitimacy.

I have a colleague who was doing this to me until recently. He’s a lovely guy but really really needy and dependent and needs to second guess everything and it’s exhausting. Until recently he was calling me 3-4 times a day. I have just stopped taking his calls and now ask him to email or message. I simply don’t have time for it.

Silence is your friend here...don't reply to the whattsap ones, she can't just keep sending messages to someone who literally doesn't reply so you must have been replying a little for her to continue so persistently?

Understand you can't completely ignore her at work so keep replies as brief as possible .

She likely will get hurt so you may have to accept hurt feelings as an outcome but it's really nothing for you to feel bad about you and not responsible for her.

Just don't open or reply to her messages. Or just do a quick reply to apologise & say you have been too busy with children & housework.

I don't think that's normal behaviour to keep messaging a colleague who isn't responding. I think she sounds completely OTT.

I'd stop looking at or replying to her Whatsapp messages and tell her you don't look at whatsapp much at home and mainly use it for work. Tell her you're too busy to meet up and she maybe needs to join a clubif she's bored and wants to meet new people

If she messages you about work then reply. If she asks you personal questions or talks about things that are not work related then ignore them. Be courteous, polite and professional. Have you also thought about blocking her on WhatsApp?

Don't feel bad about it. You don't currently have time in your life for people who don't add to it. Just tell her you are very busy and her messages are getting in the way of your work. Don't reply to her evening WhatsApps. She doesn't seem very respectful of your boundaries so you can't worry too much about hurting her feelings by enforcing them because she isn't being respectful of your feelings.