Problem with male colleague not doing what asked

if she talks dispassionately about the facts of what needs doing, why it needs doing, what has and hasn’t been done and presents the data on that, it’s professional. It’s very clear, very quickly where the loose cannon is. She is not personnel. She is health and safety. It’s up to his line manager and HR to do their job. She just needs to present the facts and make sure the right people have the right facts. If she starts taking about the person and what they have or haven’t done, sadly she opens herself up to a counter claim of bullying. It’s sad but true. I’ve seen it happen three times now. Each time the incompetent narcissist has kept their job and the person holding them to account has moved on due to stress. Presenting and seeing the facts dispassionately and not personally also decreases her own risk of finding it stressful.

OP, YANBU.
And the world's gone mad at all this talk of not referencing his sex

Can you word your email requests in a specific way? Can you please do x and confirm when x y and z are complete for my records? Thank you.

Then it requires him to confirm he has fully completed the process including whatever it is he needs to log on the system.

This then gives you every opportunity to collate information to take to your manager (for them to raise with his manager) to show what you’ve asked for and when it has not been completed as requested.

Keep a spreadsheet log. Don’t make it personal. This is wholly professional, he’s either don’t his job or not and, if he isn’t you raise it with evidence to back your claim.

@Butnothingsclear has nailed it above!

Why? When discussing personnel issues, you need to discuss the person. These are his tasks and he isn’t doing them. They actually need to talk about that. Not the disingenuous nonsense of “oh my, this task hasn’t been done, I wonder how that’s happened.”

This is the best advice on this thread.

I think, especially as it is a safety issue, you need to concentrate on making sure you are doing and documenting everything that you are required to do. You also need to be escalating to your superiors in a way that makes it clear you have concerns about safety so the onus is on them to follow that up. Remember that if you do this and something bad does happen, the responsibility will lie with him not doing as he should or your superiors not doing what they should to bring him into line. There are limits to what you are responsible for.

When I am dealing with tricky characters I always email and cc my boss because then if my boss thinks I've made a mistake they can get to me immediately rather than building up a bad situation. If they don't, then that is on them. The fine art of covering your back!

Fwiw, I totally recognise the type of character you describe. I've seen it in work many times over the years. Good looks and apparent charm can mean people get away with far too much sometimes. Especially men in female dominated work places. It's infuriating. I'm kind of jealous of the people upthread who clearly haven't experienced this.

Sympathies OP. We both know why he's ignoring you and trying to go around your requests/go over your head. He wouldn't be doing it if you were a bloke.

I would take it further and not say he/they did or didn’t do XYZ. But take the person out of it. XYZ hasn’t been done.

You said
"He has an air of arrogance about him because he is very good looking"

This is nonsense. “They” didn’t do anything or not do anything. He didn’t. It was a he. When you are talking about someone specific and reporting their failure to do their job and put others in danger then you reference that person. Use “he” isn’t sexist.

Oh and vent outside of work like you are doing here. He’s going to be a pain in the arse I fear!

I think I get it. I understand what you are up against here. I’ve had similar situations. Not related to sex but hierarchy. But generally trying to use my expertise to make the end output safer, more effective and make the experience of the end user better and the people delivering the output thinking that because they are in a certain role they can dismiss what I’m saying.

With your role it sounds like you have very clearly defined actions that are required and a clearly defined way of reporting it which is helpful. Hopefully you also have audit processes for this and if you don’t, then start that.

So in your shoes I would let go of any emotion attached to a bad outcome. If something bad happens because he’s not followed procedure then that’s on him. You can’t make him. All you can do is your job to the best of your ability and flag up possible risks if you see them.

What you can do is dispassionately go through the motions each time, document it (cc’ing emails is a great way of doing this very transparently). Never mention what he has or hasn’t done - talk about what did or didn’t happen. So instead of ‘Joe arrogant-pants was required to do X but didn’t’ put ‘I am aware that XYZ has not been recorded. This concerns me in role as XYZ with responsibility for XYZ. This is because if it isnt done then then the risk is XYZ. If it was done but not recorded then the risk is XYZ. I am happy to rethink the recording system with (person responsible overall) if it no longer serves its purpose.’

So talk about systems, practices and actions without ascribing any responsibility or blame. Without talking about your own feelings. Just your roles and responsibilities. His line manager is responsible for managing him if he’s not doing what is necessary.

Your job is to flag up anything that compromises safety. If you do audits and present them dispassionately, over time it will be clear which team are not doing the do, and his ego will make him then be the best at it.

From the little bit you have said, I am leaning towards him possibly having a narcissistic personality style, at least to some extent. Look up Jefferson Fisher on insta. Really quick video’s of helpful communication advice.

Good luck.

Quite. I feel like I’m going mad when I read this place lately.

I've had women, from different cultures, do this too, it's not unique to men. Funnily enough when someone higher up asks then it's done immediately.

If he undermines you then you may be able to have a case that he is bullying. Have a look at the clean feedback model, I think it will help you. You need to explain the processes and ensure it is documented. Don't be afraid to be direct with them. Don't be afraid of them.

I tend to agree, it's a form of so-called 'micro aggression' which is common Misogyny. A pattern of behaviour where advice or direction from women is commonly ignored or circumvented. It was rife where I used to work. I called it out multiple times and was, unsurprisingly, ignored. The organisation is now under an HR investigation which has apparently found 'common themes' that need addressing.

It sounds like you have support op, and that people are aware of how he operates. All you can do is continue to raise issues with your line manager.

He new to the job he’s making some bad calls . Sounds like he needs train and guidance
rather then being judged for being “ very good looking and I’ve met that type before “

send it off to his line manager and step away from it it’s for them to deal with not you .

I would alert your line manager that he's not co-operating. He's not carrying out tasks in a timely manner or documenting them. See what the LM says, and then if no improvement I would go to email based communication and cc the fucking world

Put every request to him in writing and when you follow up, again everything in writing and ask for the mail trail/ log. No phone calls ever.

If company procedures do not rely on written / logged evidence that something has been done as part of a safety protocol, you have bigger problems than Mr. Handsome

Nonsense. OP is not coming across as arrogant at all.

Stop asking him, tell him.

Do it in email so there is a record and state you do this and document it.

BCC your manager in every email.

Pick up the phone and ask him to do it, follow up with a email. If he doesn’t do it, ring him and discuss.

Op had said he’s arrogant, lies and ccs in other people unecessarily questioning her. I think she’s bang on looking at the behaviour he’s displaying.

Of course it’s relevant, men have been putting women down in the work place for decades. Mansplaining, talking over them, sexual assault/unwanted advances, gender pay gap… I’ve been on the receiving end of all of these and indeed the type of dismissive arrogance the Op talks about. So it’s entirely relevant. The dynamic is different between a man and woman because of all the context mentioned above.

I think he is going to be such a pain and put a fight up for every single thing I task him to do

If he continues to make it necessary for your manager to intervene, maybe his promotion will be reversed or he’ll be moved out of your hair to somewhere safety isn’t an issue