AIBU to think Private School isn’t worth the expense?

For us, our decision to go private was based on not being impressed with state secondary (primary was excellent). Our DS13 has just started private for yr 9 onwards and is very happy, already much more motivated and grabbing every opportunity. He was happy at state, but really thriving so far in private.

As it happens, he wasn't the driving force behind looking at private schools, it was actually dd10 who is dyslexic. Seeing how the state secondary was failing DS (high levels of disruptive pupils, lack of permenent staff, merry go round of substitute teachers and low expectations of pupils) we decided DD would be completely lost and started looking at alternatives. Quickly realised it would be grossly unfair to send her private and not DS as well - offered him the choice to move and he bit our hands off. Dd will start next year for year 7.

I feel like we're paying for a solid education for our children, one that in an ideal world our state school would provide, and no doubt others round the country do in spades.

I really think it has alot to do with what state near you has to offer and what gains you'll get for the money. I feel like we are getting many times our moneys worth. If our state options were better, I'd most likely be happy with them there and just supplement with tutors/ extra curricular as needed.

I think it depends on the schools available to you and the nature/abilities of your children.

I have kids in state and independent.

I went to a fantastic state school. If I had the option of a school like mine for my kids then they'd all have gone to that state school. Unfortunately, my local choices are fairly awful state school or selective independent. So my kids that could pass the selection process are at independent and those that couldn't are at the state school.

I can see a massive difference in the atmosphere of the school, and in the attitude to learning, and the attitude to other people. I would send them all the the independent if I could get them in.

But if you have great state schools locally, then you could save a load of money by using it!

It all depends.

It depends upon what the particular independent schools are like, what your local state schools are like, what your financial circumstances are like, what sort of school would be the best fit for your individual child, and so on.

There just isn’t one simple answer to this question.

For us personally, our DC started at private school, and moved to state school a few years down the line. I’m not going into the reasons here other than to say it wasn’t about the finances of it.
Our DC thrived more at the state school than they had at the private school, and for us, I do feel like we wasted our money sending them to that private school at all.

But having said that, that was about one particular private school, and one particular state school, and how they suited our particular DC. Someone else with a different child at the same private school my DC went to might have had a different experience and come out with an opinion opposite to mine about whether it was worth the money. It’s just so very subjective.

Having worked in both state and private for close to 20 years… - my experience is very much that you can.

people value what they pay for. Half the problem with the NHS and the education system is because people expect it to be free and so don’t respect it (I’m not advocating that people start being charged cost - but some sort of means tested contribution might not be the worst idea…)

Of course you will get some parents at private schools who just picked the closest one as a box ticking exercise and don’t care. My experience as both a parent and a teacher is that those who are planning to spend the best part of 250k on their child’s education a) do their research and b) have high expectations.

It really sucks that there are too many parents who, for whatever issues, don’t engage with their children’s schooling - but all my experience suggests very strongly that there are far fewer of those parents at private schools.

I was replying for the benefit of the OP who was asking if private schools are worth it. So often, state schools are slammed on MN, so I just wanted to make the point that there are many excellent states with good facilities. So the OP does not discount them out of hand.

I went to both and private is better.

Better facilities, more experienced teachers, wider choice of sports and clubs, smaller classes, grounds were beautiful, made friends from a variety of cultures and backgrounds because of boarding, set up to turn pupils into confident achievers. And I liked the other girls more than I liked my classmates at state.

And FWIW I moved from a very ordinary local indie to one of the top 10 girls grammars in the country.

By the end of my first year at grammar I had dropped sets in every subject 🤷‍♀️ so I don’t believe for a minute the teaching was as good.

I 100% believe I would have been happier and got better results if I’d stayed at my indie.

@5month where on earth do you live in Bristol?! All the secondary schools in Bristol are HORRENDOUS!
@Parsley1234 Thank you! I think a lot of the posters are unfamiliar with the Bristol school situation! Very different for London or the SE

I think if your kids are really smart they will thrive wherever they go with support from you. My two are well into their thirties now but attended a state comprehensive in a fairly deprived area, both achieved all As in both their GCSEs and A levels, both got a first in a STEM degree at a Russell Group University. They didn’t have tutors but I supported/tutored them myself with revision guides until they surpassed me with knowledge. I feel that they were better able to cope with university than some of their peers who had been more spoon fed.

What they didn’t get from state school was the contacts and it’s clear from some of their friends who did attend private school that doors open for them.

One thing to consider is whether the money saved from private school could get them on the housing ladder.

Gently OP, this is very subjective. It depends on many factors including

• quality of local state schools
• your child’s temperament
• What a financial stretch it will be
• personal politics

If you can easily afford it, the school seems like a good cultural and academic fit for your child and then go for it.

If you are politically averse to the concept of private schools, don’t see the point + would be financially stretched to do it. Then absolutely don’t.

We have chosen private schools for our 3 DC from reception onwards. Some of the reasons are

• small class sizes (16 in reception with two adults in the room all the time
• a really invested and involved school community - all the parents, whether they both work full time or one is at home - are deeply invested in attending school events, knowing each others families etc - I love having a community around my children that prioritises their safety and happiness
• facilities are undeniably better
• parent communication is easier because class sizes are smaller and staffing levels are higher.
• the pre prep is non selective and has an incredible SEN team - so whoever my children turn out to be they will have support around them.
• gut good feeling when I walked into the school
• we can afford it without making compromises that don’t feel good to us
• I’m happy to pay the VAT on what is ultimately a luxury good / service. We pay a significant amount of income tax without trying to dodge it - and I don’t feel bad about choosing it for my children. The aim of government should be to provide everyone with excellent education not to reduce access to a smaller group of people who can afford it.

no one else can make this decision for you!

My kids at local but have nieces and nephews at private...depends on child, family and what alternatives are on option...turning a question like that into a yes or no answer sort of question is not representative of the fact it's blooming GREY

My DSis teaches in a private school, would get large discount on fees, but doesn't feel it's good value for money. Her children attend a good state school instead

It depends on the child, the schools etc

I do think some people focus on whether private school is affordable now, and don't stop to think what that £ could be used for in future eg house deposit

Surely it depends on where you live in Bristol? My local state schools in Bristol are academically excellent. Those about 2 miles away don't have quite the same reputation but have some good SEN provision. So your location and your child's needs should help you decide

how is it virtue signalling? I pointed out that the massive list of features mentioned by the poster were not exclusive to private schools.

@Macaronsandcupcakes why would you not want to send them ?

It honestly depends on how driven your child is. I was privately educated from 6-18. We lived in a well to do area where a lot of students got very good grades and were pushed by the school, but a fair number of students bombed as soon as they went to university and had to do something themselves without pressure from the school. Yes, it does give more resources, in some cases provides a network, and does definitely help with university selection processes. I'd carefully evaluate the student's ability to be a self starter after school, but especially the school's teachers/reputations (despite being private we had some truly awful teachers, who were so renown for being bad that parents privately funded tutors), and the age of the student. I don't think it made a hoot of difference until age 13+. You want to give them the best start, but I get the hesitation.

@fizzwhizz1 completely came onto here to say the same

Agree with the point made by many above that it depends, main factors being:

How rich you are
What are your state options like
What is your particular child like

Also agree that many parents pay by the back door, by moving into catchment for a sought after school, or tutoring heavily for grammar. However these options aren’t available in some areas.

Worth it for whom?

For the multimillionaire who hardly notices it or for the parents who sacrifice holidays and luxuries just to send their children private?

For the shy bullied girl who needs the support and structure of smaller classes and a high staff/pupil ratio or for the robust girl who will thrive and do well in any environment?

Education is so personal. It is worth it for some and not worth it for others.

my point is that money doesn't buy an engaged parent. An engaged parent can come from any income bracket and you can't use it in an argument about whether private sch fees are worth it.

Ugh I clicked post too soon and didn't press edit in time.

Ok so to finish my previous post.

For those with the financial means, there's two ways to pay for a good education/most appropriate school for your child's needs

• Private school

Or, the most commonly picked option:

• Buy a home near a good state school.

It's up the each family to decide which of those two options they prefer.

And yes, I know many many families can't afford either option - and a good way to address state school inequality would be to provide more social housing, that's spread out evenly across the UK. However that's not relevant for OP's question, I don't think, and I don't want to derail the thread so I guess that's a discussion for another thread.

I went to uni with a load of people who did not go to private school, plus one who did. It didn't make the slightest difference and in the end I came out with a higher degree than he did. In my opinion kids will do as well as they're willing/able to do no matter which school they're in.

To us, it’s worth every penny.
The only state secondary that has places within ten miles of us has been in ‘requires improvement’ for over ten years.

Dd is in a wonderful private school with small class sizes, great teaching, loads of extra curricular opportunities and fantastic pastoral support.

I realise that we are very lucky that we can afford to have options. I’m not sure how many people who, if they could afford private, would choose to send their child to a school that clearly has long term challenges. I’m intrigued by the rationale of those who would.

I know teachers in the local area who have moved heaven and earth so that their child doesn’t have to go to that particular school.

So for us yes it’s worth every penny because the alternative is not great. If there were great state options in our area, we would have considered them.

This is like asking if a hatchback is better or an SUV.
Some people value the economy and ease of parking, the green credentials, the lower insurance. Others value the prestige, the spaciousness, the high driving position.
But while many people can test drive both options, you can’t just test drive a school, so you have to rely on your own research and sense.

I think it is wrong to judge a school based on whether it is state or private. There are excellent state schools and excellent private schools, there are terrible state schools and terrible private schools.

What are you looking for in a school? Sport facilities, SEN, wrap around care, specific GCSE options, IT facilities, school trips and enrichment opportunities, music department, close to home, friendship groups etc etc. Then you consider schools in your area. Which ones tick your boxes and which ones don't. If a private school slightly trumps a state school you have to decide whether it trumps it by £110k.

Private school isnt an automatic ticket to success.