AIBU to think Private School isn’t worth the expense?

But bread analogies aside, whether going private is "worth it" to you will depend on your catchment state school. If you currently live in a 3 bed semi in the catchment area for Bedminster Down School then the cost of moving to a similar size home within the catchment of Redland Green School would be more than £300,000 so with a relatively easy bus service into town, sending children to BGS would be significantly cheaper and probably worth it. If you are already living in the catchment for Redland Green School then it might not be worth it.

Go to the schools open days. Only you can decide as only you know your family's needs, priorities and resources well enough to judge.

You are both reasonable and unreasonable. Reasonable in that you are perfectly entitled to decide it's not worth it to you. Unreasonable to think yoir opinion leads to some kind of universal rule.

The vast majority of people buy supermarket bread which is made by a cost-efficient bulk process and is an affordable price. Some people with sufficient income prefer to always buy artisan bread from a craft baker who bakes in small batches to make bread which costs more than twice the price and is delicious.

If we decided as part of socialist principles that everyone would get a dole of bread paid for by taxes, the bread doled out would be the cheaper supermarket style. For most people their living expenses wouldn't change as the tax taken to pay for a universal bread dole would be offset by not having to buy bread. Most people would be satisfied.

Some people would still go to the artisan baker and buy the expensive bread, despite having full access to the state dole of bread and desite the fact thay are already paying for the state bread in their taxes. That's their choice. Having access to food is a human right but some people prioritise the nicest quality of food if they have the income to do so.

It would not be reasonable for the wealthy people who like nicer bread to campaign for taxes to be raised even higher so that the state dole of bread can be artisnal small-batch delicious bread. The general population is satisfied with the quality of ordinary bread and they consider that they have better things to do with their disposable income rather than buying posh bread when perfectly decent bread is free. For them the price of the posh bread is "not worth it". For the people who choose to buy the posh bread it is "worth it".

There is no objective rational measure of whether something is "worth it" or not. If someone is willing to pay the cost of something that another person is willing to sell then it's "worth it" to that buyer. If someone could afford it but decides not to then it's "not worth it" to that person. To people who couldn't afford it, it's irrelevant whether or not it's "worth it". Any grumbling will only come from people on the cusp between the categories who technically might be able to afford it if they reduced spending in other areas but they don't want to do that.

But you seem to be assuming that's the only reason why people choose it. I don't give a crap about grades or careers so long as my kids mental health is not crushed as it was in their state school.

OP, as a parent with experience if 4 different independent schools (albeit London), I can tell you that talking about 'private school' is a total misnomer. Which private school? They are all totally different!

Some private schools are well run and worth the money - others are not. You need to start thinking about individual schools, rather than the sector.

Eg. School A (private): what are the GCSE and A-level results; what is the range of subjects in offer; what are the leavers' destinations; what is the physical environment like (would you like to be there every day?); what are the clubs etc and just generally what is the 'vibe' when you walk around? Do you feel teachers would be responsive to any issues you may raise? How do the pupils seem - these will be your child's peer group. What is the SEN provision? How personalised is the school - eg. are they just interested in results? Is it a 'one size fits all' approach, or is the ethos about more than that? What is the uni support and advice like - does the school have them doing extra or super curricular in the sixth form to boost their UCAS applications? What is the USP of the school? What is the travel time / mode to and from the school (very important)!

And, most importantly - will you child actually get in to a particular independent school? Some are much more competitive entry than others - eg. In London, some schools have 15 applicants per place, others more like 3 per place. Results obviously reflect the intake.

Every private school will differ in the above respects and no school is perfect. There are good and not so good teachers in all schools. If there is not much difference in GCSE results, I'd go for your state option. However, if an independent school's results are in a different league - and your child manages to get in via their 11 plus exams - then it's probably worth it yes, because the norm in such a school will be for pupils to get 7s/8s/9s rather than more mixed grade profiles and this creates the expectations and peer group your child will be 'carried' through school by (if that makes sense).

Perhaps another perspective...
Ask yourself what it is you want from an independent school.
I have a quirky, arty son, who when younger loved sparkles and not traditionally masculine things.... he loved dance and art and knitting.... in other words he would have been eaten alive in the local state school (former mining community with lots of rugby)... also in the part of Wales we live in the local non Welsh medium schools weren't getting the level of government support as the Welsh medium.... and as there was no Welsh speaker at home, I felt it put him at a disadvantage.... I know some people say it doesn't but as someone who was schooled in a language other than the home language, my experience says it does...
Anyway, to the question at hand.
I sent him to one of the local independents.... one where the parents are quite involved but was non selective and actually has a very strong SEN programme despite being mainstream... in that environment his quirks and interests were of little consequence and he was not the bully magnet that he would have been.... he's been able to develop without that.... of course there's some bullying in the school but not the levels there might have been (anyone who claims no bullying in any school is deluded imo)
He's now doing his GCSEs, and is a compassionate young lad with good friends.... he's independent but also cognisant of money not growing on trees and has friends from all sorts of backgrounds.... he still loves dance and crafts etc but not so much of the sparkles.
So for me it has been worth it. He did manage to get a partial bursary which has helped but it's still the better part of £1k a month and means there's only just money for basics... I'm on a teacher salary.... I have some debt but not loads, and looking forward to him going to college so I can pay that off.

Which schools are you considering? We looked at most of them and chose private because of the sport. Private schools in Bristol vary a lot.

This is good advice. This ends up being a really individual decision based on the schools available to you (catchment etc) and how much of a stretch the fees are.

I made the decision to put mine in private primary based on the fact that the only decent schools were faith based admissions and I did not qualify and was not prepared to lie/attend church etc to qualify. The other school available to us had a very high proportion of kids whose mother tongue was not English. Actually did a great job as a school but I could see that they invested a huge amount of energy into that aspect of teaching which was not relevant for us. I was also worried about 1 of my kids who easily got overwhelmed in large groups so I wanted smaller class size for him. We were fortunate to be able to afford it too.

I don't have an undying love for indy schools but they did a decent job and my previously overwhelmed boy is now confident and self assured. How much of that is school vs natural evolution, I will never know.

My DC is now switching to state because he doesn't love the private and makes a lot less of the opportunities it offers so we've jointly made the decision to go to another school and at this age (6th form) we have different and equally good state options open to us.

Private schools also have this problem… I remember this coming out in the news, entitled little princes thinking they can do what they want

https://www.ibblaw.co.uk/insights/blog/independent-schools-safeguarding

I got much better grades than my sibling who went to private school, I went state. It was a waste of money for him. There was also a drugs problem we didn’t have at my school.

It wasn’t even worth it for the networking, he’s in a dead end job now.

Apologies. Horrendous came from another poster.

I went to state school and got all As, a 1st at Uni. But i have always lacked confidence and often felt it held me back, and i've wondered if things might have been different in private school.

Swap around "state school" and "private school" and this is me. In my case the lack of confidence was in part caused by the private school - I never felt good enough. Actually I've spent most of my life feeling like I am very stupid (which the reams of top qualifications would heavily suggest not, but I feel stupid).

Private school in itself is not responsible for self confidence.

It’s interesting when people provide anecdotal examples of ‘wasted’ private educations it’s mostly female-skewed jobs as example: PA, hairdresser, TA, stay at home parent…
Do men benefit more from private than women?

Just do your research OP.
I've a spreadsheet with results from the top set of each local school and have noticed that the top set of the local state does as well in terms of the percentage of 8s and 9s as the private does.

I just asked for the information breakdown in my own way rather than the information statistically given by school. If you take a percentage number and compare a state which takes anyone with a private with entry exams, you are comparing apples with oranges.

I went to neither state comp nor private (old school Trafford Grammar type so a state free for all but based on true academic ability) and we are likely sending ours state and putting the extra money into a house deposit and extra curricular enhancement trips

Incidentally, the roll call of people I know who went to the local private includes my hairdresser, the school Teaching Assistant and my friend's PA. I don't think it necessarily buys better jobs and contacts.

It depends on too many factors to have an opinion on what you should do.

For me, I think it's very important to support your local school. If everyone who can choose to opt out then nothing will improve and state schools will just be for everyone who has no choice. Certainly work to improve things for the benefit of the community (I was very involved with the campaign to build a new high school building which is currently being constructed) and put the time in to support the teachers and administrators (I'm on the PTA, etc) but at the end of the day I think it's important to have a society with the chance to become productive and happy adults - not to leapfrog my own child just because I can.

I live in a city with a huge proportion of children going private and my daughter just started at secondary school this year. It is 100% true that her friends at private have more opportunities and more clubs and fancier buildings... but they also have a lot of pressure and the costs just go up really quickly when you add in uniforms and trips and all the extras. My daughter has anxiety and would not thrive in that environment. My son probably would but he will be going to the state high school as well.

I don't know how it works in England but here in Scotland my kids will actually have a better chance of getting into university than if they came from private school with the same results. By s5/6 class sizes are very small as many kids leave after s4 and the teachers are wonderful and encouraging. This environment will suit my daughter very well and my son is the kind of kid who will succeed anywhere.

If you have a girl statistics say that they do better in single sex schools.

My DD15 is in private school as she has SEN (adhd) and the local secondary is appalling for this.

Small class sizes, more choices and tutor support has meant she has thrived.

Also mixed state secondary schools have high rates of sexual assaults and harassment. 3 in 5 girls in the UK have experienced it.

As many posters have said, it really is as simple as SOME privates are worth the money for SOME children. Others will be unsuitable or unnecessary for some children. If your state provision is decent and one of your kids will thrive there but the other needs additional pastoral support, small classes, quiet etc AND there is private near you that can provide that, then do it, but no-one here can definitively answer your question for your paticular circumstances. Both of mine are in private after state let them both down badly and are now thriving in a non-selective, very small school with a lot of pastoral care but if your kids don't need that and one of the "bright, confident NT kids will do well anywhere" type, then maybe its not worth it.

Private school, like state schools, can still be dire but it tends to be in different ways ie extreme pressure to perform etc.

What I did was to look at all the options and choose the best for my child - I had the means to include private as an option and that was the right school for her after carefully considering each school. If one of the state options had been more suitable for her we'd have gone with that.

One of her friends had the same range of options and went for one of the state schools.

I wouldn't simply send private just because. What I'm buying is the right environment for my particular child to thrive in. There isn't another private school in the area I would have considered though as they're all either full of people way, way beyond our means and/or have reputations for being very pressurised and won't hesitate to kick kids out if they're not keeping up.

@Macaronsandcupcakes i wouldn’t send one not the other personally the opportunities the private one will get are incomparable with the grammar or a good state. My son was private 4/18 he had a hard time at public school he was unmotivated tricky friendships Covid bullshit but the pastoral care was fantastic and he came out the other side is now at Brooks and thriving.

Depends on your child, depends on your choice of schools. We are overseas with an almost 4yo who is in private school. There has been a question mark over whether he is on the spectrum. He has been in creche and pre school settings where he has struggled and in his new private school he is thriving. We are much happier as parents because we have had a better experience with this school.
Everyone will have different criteria that they are looking for. For us the key things were small class sizes, on site psychologist, occupational therapists, brilliant pastoral care, enthusiastic teaching staff that have been at the school for 20+ years and very happy to be there, brilliant comms and support for parents, community feel- lots of meet ups, groups to join which helps when you are overseas, amazing facilities (8 sports halls/gym/forest/arts centre/dance studio/theatre, outdoor amphitheatre, football pitch etc), network, frequent school trips, inspirational guest speakers.
Our main reason for sending DS is because we thought it was the best environment for him and he is thriving.
Its no more expensive than private nursery for us and aside from school fees we are not big spenders and quite lean elsewhere. We only have 1 child, if we had a second it would be a squeeze to send 2 kids. But i don't envisage us having more children.

I went to state school and got all As, a 1st at Uni. But i have always lacked confidence and often felt it held me back, and i've wondered if things might have been different in private school. Also the quality if teaching was poor at A Level, absent teachers and lots of inexperienced supply teachers that were not familiar with the subject matter. The careers advisor was lacklustre too and it seemed that career options were limited to the ordinary jobs. Despite that I still achieved a career in my chosen niche profession.
DH went to private school, straight As, 2:1 at uni and earns 4x what I do and has lots of self confidence.

No idea if it makes a difference but I'm so relieved to see my son happy at school again that I think its worth it.

If I could afford it I'd send my kids to private school in a heartbeat. Invested parents, less disruption, smaller class sizes, more extra curricular activities and a nicer school environment.

I went to state school and then Cambridge university for hard science so I am well aware that you can get all top grades in state school.

i wouldn’t judge a school based on the success of the high fliers, but on the average or challenged student. Bright, motivated kids do well (mostly) anywhere - it is the ability to raise expectations for the rest that reflect on school performance. Some state schools do very well with very challenging students, but resourcing is dire and that means a dire experience in many state schools regardless of the commitment and expertise of teaching staff.

I think it depends very much on what is available locally. I had a fairly awful state school experience which I was keen for my DC to avoid, and my DH was privately educated as were the rest of his family, hence I assumed private must be better and he didn't really consider anything else. So we started with private, and the school we chose was fine. But as time went on and I saw how the children of friends and colleagues were thriving in the local state schools I began to question whether private education really was value for money. Ultimately we decided I wasn't, so moved our DC and have never regretted it. There was nothing wrong with the independent school, and indeed there were some things that were better, but not tens of thousands of pounds worth better. We felt we could get more value for our money by spending it differently.
However, we are fortunate to have excellent state schools, both primary and secondary where we live. If the alternative had been to send our children to schools similar to the ones I attended I would have done everything in my power to avoid that andI'm sure I would have viewed private school as worth every penny.

We are North Somerset, and even the ‘good’ secondaries are pretty grim - teacher friends in many of them report massive deterioration over last few years. Families we know in these schools are surviving rather than thriving. I think the bar for what ‘good’ looks like has really dropped and am a bit skeptical when people claim a school is good - good compared to what?

we are still in primary and moved from state to private very early on. One dc with send who was just not coping in a class of 31 with a disengaged teacher despite it being a highly coveted village school. Private is very much worth it for us - brilliant support for send child and a really robust offering for nt sibling. Most importantly both dc LOVE school - they are so happy to go each and every morning. It might not make any difference on exams specifically in 8-10 years time, but I do see a big difference in their approach to learning, friendships and general attitude towards life that is positive.

I'm sure there are, but where are those state schools. The ones here are either selective or ones to avoid.