AIBU to think Private School isn’t worth the expense?

I went to a sixth form with a child who was in private from 5 to 16...she said it was hell...so much pressure and bullying. She loved the community college and came alive. I only went to local schools and apart from her and my two cousins who are druggies...I don't known anyone else who been to private. Kinda put me off private but I'm sure there are lots of good stories and I'm sure it's better than state.

@mugboat @MrsSchrute sorry its me not paying proper attention. My experience of primary included no student led tours and this is what I was referring to. I have reread and can see OP is looking at secondary in which case my advice is same - go see all schools in both sectors and speak to students to help make a decision. None of us can help with that part

Our only State secondary option without moving was a really bad one that was permanently in Special Measures, was known for bullying and The Police having to be called as well as very low atainment. This wasn't rumour I know teachers there and am a Governor, I sit on The Exclusion Panal so I know exactly what goes on
DC have friends there who came from decent families and who we knew well from Primary and very very few are reaching their potential and/or having a good school experience
It was cheaper and less disruptive for us to opt for Private than move, worth every penny for us. Plus we are in The North so not as expensive as other areas

Mine are attending private secondary due to SEN and very poor state options. If they didn’t have SEN / the state options were good or they passed 11+ there’s no way I’d send them private.

Experience to date is it’s very nurturing, lots of great opportunities, they’re hardly ever there as holidays are insanely long but they’re making a lot of progress academically which must be due to small class sizes 6-12 max in each subject.

It is going to cost me £300k plus. I’m a single parent with practically no pension but mortgage paid off.

it would be easier to move houses to a better state catchment but I can’t move them away from exDH

I feel it’s my duty to give them the best possible education but if they don’t put the effort in I will pull them out.

all but 3 of these features apply to my daughter's state school

This sums it up for me too. It’s not just the education is it, it’s what goes with it. Is that worth it? If you can afford it yes, if you’re scrimping in other areas then probably not.

Depends on the school, the child and the parents.

For me, I just don't see what advantages could be worth £20K+ per year per child. If your child is reasonably bright and reasonably sociable, they'll do well anywhere. If not, perhaps private schools can offer advantages such as smaller classes and greater individual attention. But state schools also have advantages. There's a body of research which suggests that state schools better prepare students for university, and are better for social and emotional development. I also firmly believe that the increased diversity at state schools leads to more empathetic and tolerant members of society.

As for exam grades, students from private schools may get slightly better exam grades, but universities are aware of this, and many give contextual offers. Anecdotally, my eldest DD has two very good and lovely friends from (a highly ranked Russell group) university. They studied the same course and got the same degree classification. One went to state school, and one went to a very expensive private school (probably spent £200K on her education). But I'm sure there are many tales like this.

I went on several open days last year for state school and they all included student led tours.

All the open evenings of state schools I've been to have done student led tours.

My DS went to a "requires improvement" OFSTED rated state school and came out this year with 8s and 9s (and one 7) at GCSE. I can't imagine how he could have done better at private. Maybe he wouldn't have got that 7 😂

Probably depends on the child but mine doesn't have SEN, never experienced bullying and has always been a happy kid able to cope well with school, so maybe we just got lucky.

We chose indy cos live in NE where GCSE outcomes are poorest in country and local state at secondary are dire.
It's worth the money for us because:

• sport 5 days a week
• small class sizes ie 18
• excellent pastoral support
• calm learning environment with poor behaviour challenged and dealt with
• fantastic drama, music, art facilities
• broad curriculum free of restrictive NC
• positive relationships between students and teachers
• strong community feel
• range of extra curricular activities
• kids not picked on for doing well. Academic, sporting etc achievements celebrated and encouraged

Sorry my comment meant to look at both sectors as you can’t compare without doing so. However in my experience, state schools don’t do student led tours so speaking to the children in the school was not possible.

Totally depends on where in Bristol you are OP.

You have to compare individual schools, so the private you can access and the state you can access. You can't just generalise.

You then have to factor your actual child and what they are like.

And then the impact on your actual life, the job you do, the place you live, your pension.

agree with this but would encourage you to do the same for the state schools too

My DS experienced both state and private. Judging from his, admittedly limited, experience, I would say there's not as much of a difference as people would like to think!

It will be much more than £110k as fees go up as you get more senior in private schools and the schools add small increases on those rates each year in addition.

as regards the last point about engagement in child's education... this comes entirely from the parent and can't be bought. I engage with my children's education and have done since birth.
They are all state educated.

MN is not the place to ask. Go look at the schools you have available to you and make a decision based on this. In the case of privates, go see them when the students are giving tours - you can decide if that resembles what you want from your DC as they grow up. Ask them questions - they are the best representatives for the school

I'm state school educated and I really do believe that Private Education can give children enormous advantages.

Not just because they get a better quality of Education, but because I suspect the parents are far more likely to engage with their children's progress and encourage them to excel - after all, I'm sure they want their moneys worth!

To answer your point about limiting potential, the state schools will publish stats about GCSE/A levels plus progress 8.
They will also have info available about extracurricular activities.

My y7 does one after school club activity for 4 days of the week including:
LAMDA drama
trampolining club
debate club
writing club

they're all free. There's also lots of other clubs, including sports and music. Also free.

We've yet to see what a Labour government will mean for schools, but if I had a child still in school (my oldest finished this summer) I would be very worried about state provision. My DC's (bog standard comp) school was good and trying its best but there were too many cover lessons and classes of 60 for my liking and it was getting worse by the day.

That said, when I did the sums for private school, and I suspect even now, with the above caveat in place, I thought that giving them the money as a young adult for university/training/car/house deposit would be more impactful than school fees. If you've got the money to do both it's obviously a different question.

The amount of scare stories I've read here on MN about state schools being like the 7th circle of hell. Yes, I'm sure there are some bad ones but there are lots of really decent ones. In my area (SE London) there's maybe 8 I'd send my child to and 1 I definitely wouldn't.

I was a bit terrified when my daughter went off to y7 but she's settled in and loves it. Private school is not an option for us, so I'm grateful.