AIBU to think Private School isn’t worth the expense?

Of course not, unless you’re trying to shove through an unmotivated middle-of-the road child.

It depends what you think you're paying for. If you're paying for the soft skills & privileged networks they provide, then for that child they probably are well worth it.

For society, they're an absolute disaster though. They entrench privilege and reduce the pool of talent for businesses, public services, parliament, etc to draw on.

You can't blame parents for choosing them, we're not a country that takes education as seriously as it should so options are pretty limited.

If we had a plurality of choice of different schools, including properly funded SEN across them all, then I think a lot of parents would choose differently.

Well you aren't going to get the right answer for your child and your area by asking on here. My DB lives in a lovely area (with the house prices to match!) and their local secondary school is brilliant. Where we currently live there are 3 local secondary schools and all are crap for "normal" education. For our friends it's either been grammar or private.

I think it's down to how motivated the child is. I went to private school (in Bristol!) over 30 years ago and I plod along in fairly middling admin jobs probablybecause I am lazy . Classmates went to university and have jobs like surgeon, gp teacher, tax specialist, ...

Boris went to a private school so all private schools are appalling places.
Also, the students are all entitled snobs and not only that but they are spoon fed and there are unqualified teachers.
At university they asked me where I went to school - weirdos, eh!

Obviously not going to.name the school but I'm in Northumberland. I don't think anything you've named is particularly unusual tbh, not in the excellent schools around me anyway.

I appreciate some state schools in some areas may be dire but equally some are better than some private.

I think it depends on the school - that being I am not sure if Bristol private are that great when compared to London ones. I am not sure I would pay.

I experienced both, state most of the way then sixth form private.

From my experience, benefits - better teachers, smaller classes, closer pastoral support, better facilities and just 'nicer' in things like changing rooms etc.

Depends entirely on the schools though I was leaving a dire state secondary

A family member's husband went to a private school. I don't believe his education is any better than his wife, who went to state school. That said, the connections he has made to affluent families of the school has benefitted him greatly in his working life.

Would be interested to know where in NE has ALL of the facilities I listed especially sport 5 times a week etc

Yep, virtue signalling

People who comment on grades and not much else don't get private schools. Decent ones anyway.
If I lived in Bristol and could (fairly easily) afford private school fees, I'd be sending my kid to BGS. Assuming they passed the entrance test anyway.
It's about everything else others have mentioned: friends, networking, public speaking skills, facilities, etc etc. The whole school experience.

I don't k ow if my background is useful, but I went to both state and private schools. This simply means I feel comfortable in the company of both groups of people, and the more snobby private school people (whom I secretly can't stand) will have all sorts of "people like us" chats that I suspect they leave out for others. This does include invitations to various events, so it is hard to deny a certain advantage. Arguably my international background and accent means I would've been assumed to have gone to private school, even if I hadn't spent a mere 18 months there. I really don't think that the current insane fees can justify that tiny edge, particularly not for medical careers, where having a broad understanding of society is a lot more important these days than golf. None of my medic friends are from private schools, nearly all of my City friends are.

How lovely for you. Two of our local state options have none of these, and the others are oversubscribed and not within our catchment.

This is what pisses me off about this conversation. If I don't go private I'll just up and move to better state schools and not feel as judged 😐

Impossible to generalise. It depends on what your child is like and what you want from a school. Imo many people's main reason for going private is the kind of kids their child will mix with, and the kind of experiences they will avoid by not going to a state comprehensive.

For an above average child a good or outstanding state will be fine . Of our 3 , 2 are completely state educated, the eldest has a first from a RG university. The youngest moved to private in year 8 . The vast majority or his classmates have moved from state due to failings in the state system and nearly all of his friends have some kind of SEN . DS3 was anxious , had dropping attendance and was being failed in his best subject in state with a teacher who just expected them to work through a text book ( maths) . The benefit of private is just getting him out of that environment. If you have a child that’s struggling in state and can find the money for private it’s a no brainer . It’s not about advantage for us and lots of other private school parents - it’s about undoing the damage from failing state provision .

I went to an academically selective independent (and DH went to a really awful comp (in terms of reputation and results l). His results were better than mine and we both have "average" jobs and salaries (circa £35k). I have school friends working everything from checkouts to solicitors. So I wouldn't choose it for that. Expectations were high eg grade C was perceived as a "fail".

But... DH comments on how me and my siblings and other independently educated friends have confidence and assuredness that comes from an independent education. The extra curricular activities that I saw as normal and even rebelled against (like CCF) and facilities (state of the art performing arts space). I'm also really glad I learnt basic Latin (even though I was terrible at it) because of my current job and had the opportunity to study a much broader range of subjects in smaller classes than DH.

So I don't know if it's worth it. And we certainly can't afford to do the same for DC.

OK well we don't so!

Imho there's a subset of children, who are average or upper end of average academic performance in state, who benefit from private to the extent that it boosts them into a bracket achievement wise that opens up some of the better paid careers. Its those B grade kids who with a hell of a lot of work and resource, can squeeze into an A grade.

To be clear - some good state schools can achieve this too. But if you live in an area with mediocre state schools, private school can pay off.

If your kids are very bright/academic anyway? Not much point. If your kids are less able/academic? Also not much point.

It totally depends on your income, the independent schools around you and the state schools around you. There's isn't a researchable answer to your question really.

I live in the NE and we have all that at our state school.

Absolutely not worth the money in my neck of the woods OP. Our state school has small classes and better exam results. No brainer.

My daughter went to private primary school. I think it gave her the confidence from small classes, and the academic focus, to pass the 11+ to get her into state grammar school where she is excelling. So no I don't think it was pointless at all.

I'm sure you (and many other parents of SE children) are totally involved and encouraging.

But you surely acknowledge that there are a large proportion who don't at all. My point was that having had to fork out so much money, PE parents are unlikely to be the same.

IME a fair number of parents of my classmates couldn't give a damn whether their child was in school at all, let alone keeping up with courses, homework etc!

I would say that (speaking from experience)...unless you can EASILY afford it then no, private school is not 'worth it'.

It's not really worth it if you can easily afford it, but if you won't miss the money and don't feel morally obliged to spend it on anything else, then crack on.

If you want to quantify what 'worth it' means (eg results/mix with the 'right' people/smaller class sizes, connections....then no, it still isn't worth it.)

The only time it might be worth it is if your child has a mild learning difficulty that you have perhaps not sought a professional diagnosis for (EHCP for eg) and you can afford to bypass the 'system' by sending them to a smaller, independent, nurturing school that may not be academically rigorous but has more time for pastoral and extra-curricular practical pursuits.

DD16 did brilliantly at a Bristol comp. Much better than her peers who were in private. Maybe she would have increased a few subjects by a grade? but not worth £100k + to do so imo

She also understood her own privilege VERY quickly after starting year 7 and that is priceless.