To ask millionaire partner to agree to this term in ‘prenup’

Exactly. No one is going to take someone to court so that they agree to let them stay in their house for 6 months.

Instead of selling your home, could you rent it out? So you have a home to return to, if you both split? If not then would he pay moving costs? I would need 3-6 months to move out.

Except the op isn't getting married...

You're partly right over pre nups.
They don't have 100% legal enforcement in the UK BUT they do carry weight if it goes to court.
If both parties have willingly signed a 'pre nup' the judge will usually take it into account.

What exactly are people missing here?

OP isn't getting married - and even if she was pre-nups aren't legally recognised in the UK.

As it is, she is moving in with a man who appears to be in a much better financial situation than she is. There is no such thing as a cohabitation agreement as she describes - if she moves into his house and they break up, there is no legal way she can enforce remaining in his house for 6 hours against his wishes, never mind 6 months!

Can you put in either stay for 6 months or he supports rent/air b&b for 6 months to get on your feet? He has the choice then?

I agree with prenups, gets everyone on the same page and to agree ahead of time if things become awful. No one can blame the other person then. So everyone has the choice and can make educated decisions knowing exactly what the expectations/commitmentally are.

I think the point about her suggesting a longer rather than a shorter stay post-breakup is an insurance policy against being ejected onto the street after 8 weeks (which is what the bf wants) especially with a dependent child and especially with the rental market how it is

it wouldn't mean she would be forced into remaining right up to the 6th month, it would just give a bit more time in case it was needed.

The fact the Bf is only thinking about his own situation, ie I want her out much quicker would absolutely be a red flag. I can't understand how that situation could ever be perceived as a conducive one, not least of all for that poor child. No way would I consider getting together with someone in those circumstances- where's your pride OP? You deserve better. And so does your child!

She shows red flags…
whom would ask their partner to insure that she can stay for a rather long period of time if their relationship goes down? And because…he has money..? Ermm…no. If break up, both parts stop to ensure whatever to the other one…solely the children gets that security of attachement and care from both parents even if (ideally) parents don’t stay together. They don’t have children together.
she doesn’t want to get married but want the security of it.

she hasn’t healed nor work on the hurt caused by previous relationship. She shouldn’t move with him.

if she can’t move in back quickly then she shouldn’t rent it. Or short rents. Put that in finances and share the cost as together. If not together pay a hotel for short time left rented and then move back in. It isn’t for him to cover for you « after » as you aren’t getting married.

What exactly does "millionaire" mean?

I have more than a million in my pension pot + the value of my home, so I suppose technically someone could call me a "millionaire" but in practical terms I'm not. That money is for retirement / old age; it's not something I can draw on now.

My cash flow in real life is limited to my salary. Which is good but hardly affluent. If his money is tied up in pension, investments, real estate, he may not have a lot of cash lying around to be supporting others, or handing out lump sums.

He’s not forcing you to move you want to move in with him? Maybe wait until you’ve saved up an ‘escape fund’ before committing to the move. 6 months staying together after a break up is ludicrous.

She is keeping the house but she wants to put tenants in to pay the mortgage and is worried about where she will go while she waits for the tenants to leave, particularly if they refuse to go.

Hi op,

i am struggling to understand the whys. Would it not be more simple to just not sell your house? No need to get him to sign anything…if your dd is in uni, and you keep your house…if it goes pearshape you have a roof anyway. No?

About the work. Yeap. Big fat no. Stay as you are and do not get in his company.

🌺

A question for @junohername
If he's a millionaire, will he have a mortgage?

It's not clear from what you've said if he has cash (and can bank at Coutts) or if his money is tied up in his company's value.

I somehow imagined that if he was buying somewhere, it would be a cash purchase.

If everyone behaved like that there'd be no acrimonious divorces.

You can't force people to behave kindly and when a relationship breaks down all kinds of nastiness can come into play.

The OP herself might want to get out of it very fast if he turned violent or abusive.

She also not scrimping. She owns a house and is considering renting it.

I have some experience of this sort of. I moved in with my ex fiance without being on his mortgage (I was self employed at the time). Fast forward 7 years I’ve paid half the mortgage and contributed to bills 50/50. He decides he’s met someone else wants to be with her and me to leave pretty much straight away. It was covid and I couldn’t find anywhere to rent/ had nothing put by to assist me. What I learned was
1 always have a run away fund! Especially if you have kids (I don’t)

2 if you can prove you contribute to the mortgage hopefully via a joint account legally you are entitled to half of the payments you have made back

3 there is a form that a mortgage advisor can ask you to sign that will give you some protection here

4 it is possible to temporarily co habit with someone even after splitting.. obviously in my case it was very difficult made more so by him and the house was a 2 up 2 down one of us had the bed the other the sofa and we shared. We had to do that for about 4 months til I found somewhere

5 always keep your job/finances separate

Again, the law has changed now and they are generally enforceable in the UK.

If he loved you and he was kind he'd say "OP I love you and I really want this to work but if for any reason it doesn't, I will make sure that the transition back to your house (or whatever the plan is), is as easy as possible. I don't want you to live with constant fear and insecurity".

You're not valuing yourself OP...you shouldn't be prepared to be scrimping and saving whilst living with someone very wealthy. If you don't value yourself, then he won't value you either and the power imbalance will cause the relationship to fail.

This is all a very bad idea.

If you're in UK a pre nup has no legal standing and if youre thinking along these lines at this point just split up now

The thing is, if you are in a rental you have rights that protect you from being suddenly made homeless. If you own your own house you have time to sort yourself so again not homeless. The OP just wants the same protection as a tennant would have

This is jumping the gun with a lot of assumptions.

It's some years since my DCs were at uni, but from what I recall I don't think there is a' nil band ' for the loan, based on parental income. I think that the lowest amount available is 25%.

There is no expectation of employment. eg students studying medicine or some other science degrees are not always available for work because of ongoing practical lab - work (other than in the holidays- definitely not term time.)

It's not clear what his 'being a millionaire' really means.

It could be a couple of properties that were bought, done up and are now worth £500K each and rented out.

It could be the value of his business, which could be in dividends rather than hard cash in the bank.

Students can also get overdrafts that are separate to their student loan.

There’s plenty of room for compromise between a week and six months!

Just seen that you are definitely not taking his offer of employment. Wise lady.

Don't work for your DP. You will lose your independence within the relationship, and if you split you will lose both your job and your home in one fell swoop.

Even if you get a proper employment contract you have no protection from unfair dismissal for two years, and in practice precious little protection even after that time if he really wants to get you out.

The maximum amount a student can receive in loans (which is based on household income - the student can’t choose to take more than their entitlement based on that income) takes into account the expectation that the student should work on top to have sufficient money to live on.

A student coming from a higher income* household (which includes the income of a parent’s live in partner) then has money deducted *from that loan amount (which as stated is not in itself expected to be enough to live on without employment) to reflect the amount the adults of the household are expected (but not legally required) to contribute.

The OP’s daughter is going to be significantly disadvantaged by her mother having a wealthy partner who doesn’t contribute if her mother is not able to make up the difference as the calculations are based on maximum loan + working part time = sufficient to live on.

If she gets loan minus expected parental contribution (which for a millionaire, I would anticipate to be the maximum deduction), that leaves her several thousand pounds a year adrift even if she works.

So you cheat on him / turn abusive / become a raging alcoholic and he's legally bound to keep you in situ for six months?

I mean I get you want security but it's all about if you're the innocent victim of his awful ways. No consideration for him.

I think if he turns out to be a total dick, you will want to leave immediately / will get your MN ducks in a row before leaving. If the relationship doesn't work but he's still a decent guy, he isn't going to throw you out of he decides he's bored with you. If he changes the locks and throws all your bags out then even though you'd have legal recourse, would you actually want to go back there? If you're there and he doesn't want you to, he can make your life hard anyway.

So id drop it to three months unless it's caused by infidelity on your behalf.