To ask millionaire partner to agree to this term in ‘prenup’

Some of these responses are bizarre.

I think it’s very sensible that women have financial independence from their other half. This doesn’t mean you don’t love each other, it’s just sensible planning. It is not planning a breakdown, it’s a worst case scenario. You’ve experienced when this has occurred without planning, so why put yourself through that again. Absoloutely sensible.

I don’t think you sound money grabbing at all. I also think he sounds very open to some sort of arrangement too and I’d also viewing it a pragmatic way. Kudos to you both.

My husband and I (when we got together years ago) had our house mortgage drawn up to state he out X amount in and me X and in the event of separation we would each take out initial stake and then split any profits 50/50 - this was to protect his inheritance he put in. This was my idea. As the years and new house went by we didn’t do that, and since had a child, relatively similar earnings etc. however if things went south we would financially be on equal footing. I never see this happening and been happily married for 10 years.

I would question whether rental is worthwhile - tax, issues selling and capital gains and getting a renter out should you need. I would be more inclined to consider selling and keeping a chunk back in a fund should you need to leave (put in an ISA so good returns but can also access it) and the remainder invest into the new house, so if you came to sell you’re also investing there and have ownership in the new properly so it is yours and not just his.

I wouldn’t be asking him for relocation funds, rental or a 6 month live in clause. You can manage this on your own. Pre-nups aren’t legally binding in the U.K. and if it were to get nasty he would have money to fight you in court - you wouldn’t, so don’t rely on this.

Maintain your independant from an employment perspective. This is just sensible from a risk perspective anyway. My DH met at work and now we chose to work at different companies to spread risk from redundancies etc if employers ever struggle or whatever.

Cohabitation agreements are a thing and are enforceable.
Making them when you like each other can really help when you break up the rules are the rules.
6m if you have a bad breakup, is torture and not necessarily appropriate for both of you. Maybe 12 weeks and some help with disposit/rent as a temporary measure?
I respect you trying to keep yourself safe and that he seems to be reasonable on finding a way that's comfortable.
Do not work for him though, even with a contract he can fire you due to "emotional distress" at any time without notice (ACAS confirmed this to a friend who works for her husband and just gone through a horrendous divorce). Continue to be smart and sensible, but do enjoy the relationship, hope you don't ever need these things !

Where should this money come from?

Given your situation, I think you are absolutely right to protect yourself. I’ve been divorced before and it’s really hard to start again, especially when you have dependents . My suggestion would be that perhaps you can own a small percentage of the home you are about to buy so that you have some funds tied up in the property, which means he could either buy you out or agree to sell the property to free up your share of the shit should hit the fan. Also, this means that your percentage of the property is likely to increase in value overtime giving you an extra cushion of income. As you have said you are going to rent out your own property which is the right thing to do but I just think you need to talk this through with him. I’m sure he will understand given past history. You just need to make him understand that you are nervous about being put in the same situation again , in spite of the fact that you feel he would never do that to you. I wish you all the best.

Speak to a lawyer. Get everything recorded. Perhaps consider agreeing a sum of money that is put into an escrow account and earmarked as relocation fund if necessary.

I wouldn’t give up a property I was living in, whether renting or owning, unless I had guaranteed security of a home in the event of a split. You would be giving up everything to have no financial power in the relationship and this could leave you and your daughter very vulnerable.

She is begging a rich man to get into his house and begging for mercy if he decides or she decides is not working out. This is not a good start for any relationship, even though the poster said he loves her to bits. Where are these bits, I am not sure. This should be a Pretty woman movie, a Cinderella and happily ever after.

She wants her redundancy money if they separate because he is rich and apparently can afford it.

Someone called sensible people giving advice here , green eyes vipers - really?

What is to envy a woman who is not marrying a man and whom she is not sure of, will behave decently if they separate.

You’re debating over how quickly he would kick you out, if you broke up. You want security, he thinks that you’re taking the piss.

This doesn’t sound like the start of a healthy or promising relationship, to me.

I was with a guy worth a few million in assets for 10 years. He seemed kind and caring etc etc but turned into a monster lol. Took me years to get my money back as per agreement . He kept saying I could have the money, a 5 figure sum I’d lent him, but couldn’t leave, but never actually gave me the money. I wasn’t able to leave without it. The day I got it, I went online , found a house, bought it outright secretly and moved out 3 days after getting the keys. While he was at a meeting. However, inflation meant the money was worth somewhat less than it had been 10 years before.
We had a pre cohabitation agreement. To protect my money. He even put the amount in his will, a sign I’d only get it over his dead body I think. It was drawn up by his lawyer, but there was a strong possibility it would not have been enforced by courts back then. Now they can only be challenged on contractual basis..fraud, misrepresentation, mistake etc. in the opinion of the Law Commission This has not been tested in court yet. So use a solicitor to ensure it complies with contractual requirements.

if you do have one, it should be reviewed periodically as things do change. Best Wishes

Consult a solicitor to check that any agreement of this kind is legally enforceable if you do not intend to marry.

If you are married any prenup can be considered in the divorce (although it doesn’t have to be) but you may be on rocky ground if you are just living together.

I understand that you went through a messy divorce BUT all this makes it sound like you want it to fail 🤷🏻‍♀️

@junohername

I think you are being very wise. God knows we see enough 'He's telling me to get out, what do I do??' threads that we ALL should know the pitfalls of living unmarried in a house not in our names.

I don't think there's anything wrong with a 6 month limit to move with a proviso that you must be seen to be making real motions to get out and looking for a realistic new place to live (ie not a mansion in Chelsea), but if were an acrimonious situation would you really want to be there until you could get out? Nor would there be anything wrong with him setting aside an amount as a 'relocation fund', but if I were him I'd want to be sure it could only be used for its intended purpose. Problem is that if the shit hits the fan 5 or 10 years from now, will that fund still be adequate to cover the costs? If one considers the costs 5 years ago of a mortgage or rental + misc expenses involved in moving and then considers what that would cost today, it's pretty obvious that there have been huge increases. So if you do decide on a 'relocation fund' perhaps it should be revisited every 5 years?

You said "WE will see A lawyer to draw up the agreement". Nope, each of you should have independent legal counsel. Draw up an agreement between yourselves, fine. But separate lawyers protecting each of your interests should review to see that it's fair and airtight, for both of you. And you need to ask about the legal enforceability of such a contract and what would be involved if he disregarded it and 'locked you out'? Could he be forced to let you back in immediately or would there be a protracted legal battle? If it would result in a legal battle, then you'd probably be better off with a lump sum set aside. I do think that whatever the two of you decide, at this point there should also be a clause allowing you to remain in the house for a period of time in the event of his death so his heirs can't kick you out. Not a 'life estate' at this point, but perhaps that same 6 months to relocate period.

Marriage is a legal contract. It doesn't need to be 'drawn up' because its legal protections are already well known and enforceable. Cohabitation carries no legal protection and nothing is enforceable. That's why it's very reasonable to want things 'set out' legally so there are no misconceptions and no one sided advantages.

Since you’re not getting married you can’t make an enforceable agreement like this anyway so I’d put the ball in his court. You need time to save up a fund in case you ever have to move out so you won’t be moving in with him until you have that unfortunately. Make him see sense and that you’re prepared to be independent.

This. What is the point?

Date and maintain your independence.

Personally I think if you've not even moved in together yet and you're talking about a relationship breakdown do you really want to be uprooting your DC?

Disagree, he has the resources to rent somewhere for you (or himself) local to where you are for six months.
3 months is nowhere near enough.

I think you need to get professional counselling for yourself. Bringing the trauma from your past into your future is no way to start.

If you were dating and planning on moving in with Dave that works in Tesco would you be wondering what if we split up etc? Likelyhood is no! You’re only thinking like this because he’s got money. You are either in or not

It's not clear how he is a millionaire but I can't help thinking you are making yourself vulnerable, whilst expecting him to provide you with security should the relationship fail.
There is a power imbalance here, not just financially and I'm uneasy that you see him as a kind of rescuer from your previous marriage
Your DCs welfare is paramount here, yet you have hardly mentioned them
I get the need for security but you should meet that for you and DC
Please think carefully about the long term picture... and please get your own legal advice, not jointly
I do hope it works out well for you and do not be persuaded to work with him

OP you want protection so you won't end up homeless. I get that. Renters gave that protection. Married people do. You should too. But it's not all up to your partner to cover this. If you have any contractual arrangements it should be that he equally share the financial burden of you moving elsewhere for a period of time (you are talking about 6 months)

It's not all on him. Why would it be. You should be in a position where either if you is penalised if you have to move out so that's a shared cost. Not his cost.

If you're renting your place out you may have to give the tenant 6 months notice. Also stating 6 months in a cohab agreement is the maximum it doesn't stop you moving out sooner. I'd 'stick to my guns' if I was you

Spend some time reading ALL by the OP.

This has been discussed at length.

Yes. I know that @BloodyAdultDC I've been on her thread for days.

I was replying to another poster.

The OP put 'pre nup' in inverted commas to show it wasn't a pre-nup - but we all know what she means.

The best way for her to do this (which I have already mentioned) is to put some equity into the new home they buy. They can then have a Deed of Trust which would give her ownership. She'd get her percentage back and wouldn't be a vulnerable situation.

I agree with you, 6 months is ok because you may struggle to find somewhere else you can afford if you can’t move back into your old house or have sold it. There are getting fewer and fewer homes to rent these days. You are not saying you will stick it out for 6 months there, you can still move out sooner if you can.