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AIBU?

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Original poster

Could I lose my children?

38 replies

Dosanddonts · 01/10/2024 14:52

I’m in the throes of what I can only describe as a MH crisis/episode.
my anxiety and depression have ramped up and I feel like running for the hills. I won’t.
im asking my ex to look after our DC more than our previously arranged 50/50 agreement(no courts involved) and he’s(quite rightly) reluctant.
I just need some breathing space for some new medication to work.
mid been ok for the past 18 months, but it’s all reared up again over the past few weeks.
at what stage could my DC be taken off me for good? I also have another young DC with a different dad

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 01/10/2024 18:24

The threshold for permanently removing a child is high, unless you are a risk to them. But I’m not sure SS would be able or willing to take them to give you a break, they don’t have the capacity unfortunately to do this or the staff/carers available, they may be able to signpost you though to some assistance after school etc if that would help you get some time to yourself, and if dad can’t take over for awhile.

Woahtherehoney · 01/10/2024 18:24

I think you need a proper plan. Who will take your youngest? Or is it just the older two? If so you need to have a really good chat with them about why they are going to their dad’s and the younger one gets to stay home with you.

you 1000% deserve a break and need it for your future sake, but you need to talk to the kids dad and explain why and so he can put other support in place as well if he needs it.

Scutterbug · 01/10/2024 18:21

Can you sit down with their father and tell them how much you are struggling and see if he can step in for a month? If not, maybe reach out to social services and see if they will support you.

Original poster
Dosanddonts · 01/10/2024 18:21

I’m at the point where I just want a BREAK. A break from looking after everyone. Everyone but me. Im doing this solo-which is just how I want it-but a break from the never ending, relentless need for me to be a fucking superhero.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dosanddonts · 01/10/2024 18:19

I’m not sure what kinship is. There’s no one else who can help out

OP posts:
H0mEredward · 01/10/2024 16:01

Who else can you ask to take them for your part of 50/50? Grandparents, your in-laws etc could get the kinship foster care finances and your children would still have a relationship with you?

Singleandproud · 01/10/2024 15:14

If asking their dad to look after them has been a bit ad-hoc it would be easier all around to make a structured plan say for two weeks / month if you need that long. He can then enlist support, sort out temporary Flexi working and that type of thing and the children will know what to expect.

If your DC are being cared for by their dad then no one is going to take them off you permanently unless dad goes to court and says this is the new status quo.

Original poster
Dosanddonts · 01/10/2024 14:58

Singleandproud · 01/10/2024 14:56

Ask SS for support, temporary foster care so you can get some respite and mend might be the best way forward. With regular contact session so you can see them. I'd expect they would expect dad to take them or a family member instead though.

Their dad would never let that happen. He’s a good dad

OP posts:
Original poster
Dosanddonts · 01/10/2024 14:58

All dc are at home. It’s just the older 2 that I’m struggling with(adhd etc)
started new medication about 6 days ago

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 01/10/2024 14:56

Ask SS for support, temporary foster care so you can get some respite and mend might be the best way forward. With regular contact session so you can see them. I'd expect they would expect dad to take them or a family member instead though.

DoreenonTill8 · 01/10/2024 14:55

Are all your dc at home? Or are you only looking for the older dc to go elsewhere?

Krumblina · 01/10/2024 14:54

You need to ask for support. They won't be removed from you unless you are a risk to them. There's lots of support out there. Speak to your GP first.
Have you just started a new medication?

Original poster
Dosanddonts · 01/10/2024 14:53

Should say, I obviously don’t want them removed from my care indefinitely

OP posts: