Could I lose my children?

Nobody is putting these children into foster care. There is no foster care for them to be put into.

Sorry but do not put them in temporary foster care

Just wanted to send you lots of love, we all go through rough stages, trust me I've had some roller coaster moments over the years. Take the time you need to get through to the other side :) A bit of a break will do you the world of good and allow you to reset 🙂

That sounds perfect, stay at your Mums as long as you can.

if he's such a brilliant Dad, what's his excuse for not having them until your beds are effective?

You said their dad wouldn't let them go into care, so is your concern about SS saying you can't have them or are you concerned your ex might not be willing to move back to 50/50 if he takes DC more/full time for a while? I think part of that would be having a clear written plan of how long and then what's going to happen at the end of that period, would it be straight back to 50/50 or gradual. This would show you both intend for the to be temporary. If you agree between you two for him to do more temporarily theres no automatic trigger for social services involvement anyway.

How have you expressed it to your ex OP and what are his concerns? Have you given him something concrete, like I need you to take DC for 2 months, or whatever you think is needed? I think the biggest issue here for the children is you keeping one child at home. I can't imagine how you can explain why youngest gets to stay in a way that won't hurt your older two and then you'd have to deal with the fallout from that. Is their any reason youngest couldn't stay with their dad more too? You say your older two are what you struggle with but you'll be able to rest and recover more quickly with no one to look after at all.

Social services have no desire to remove your children.

Be upfront with dad and say you're ill, he needs to have the kids for the next two weeks.

She's already said he wouldn't let them go into foster care so really this whole thread is pointless. OP's question has been answered.

What kind of dad would let his children either be with a parent who's too sick to care for them, or go to foster care? What would he do if you were hospitalised? I think he needs to step up.

I was so unwell I was hospitalised and mine went into foster care - I did not lose custody or parental responsibility. Please look after your health, see your GP and try not to worry. You aren't a threat to your children!

Their Dad might be 'reluctant', but what have you actually told him about the situation. This isn't the usual 'I'm finding this tough and feel I need a break' that nearly every single parent feels at one time or another. This is more of a health crisis. If you were physically debilitated, he would have to take them. This is no different.

How have you explained this to him? Does he get that at all?

Also as others have said, SS would be making it very clear to dad that the children are his responsibility, not social services responsibility!

I'm a little confused by the question if I'm honest - are you worried that social services are going to try and take your children because you're unwell?

If they have a dad around and you weren't coping and they got involved, they'd be pushing dad to do more, so that you could work with whatever support you have for your mental health to get better. SS wouldn't have any power to decide for them to stay with dad. You'll know him best to know if he's likely to be ok with it being temporary or if he'd want to permanently change the split.

If you are worried about what the worst is that could happen - if you were to become so unwell that you absolutely couldn't care (eg detained in hospital) AND there was no one else who could care for them at all, they'd automatically become 'section 20' which is a piece of law that allows SS to care for children temporarily when a parent isn't available to, but it's not the same as going to court for removal. Tends to kick in when parents are hospitalised, in custody, or in another country.
Thats unlikely from what you've said but just so you're aware of the mechanism.

Agreed that contacting social services won't result in them removing her children but again, there is no way they will be offering foster care. Foster care isn't an option because it isn't going to be offered. The father needs to take them if the mother can't. There is no such thing as respite foster care for struggling parents, only for children with disabilities who meet the criteria of the CWD service.

@GuestFeatu well, temporary foster care because in the OP she said dad was taking them but reluctantly, if she needed more respite than the dad (or other family members) are willing to do then it's an option. If she is in such a bad way that she feels that she can't take care of them then contacting SS is the right thing to do. They aren't going to take them off her unless they are seriously neglected or abused so she needn't worry about that as the bar is so high but they may not be able to help by providing respite but may be able to support / refer / signpost in other ways.

There is no 'claim kinship payments' - kinship foster care has to be planned, approved and regulated by the local authority in order for carers to get paid. If someone takes a friend or relative's child in temporarily there are no payments they can claim. There is also no way in hell that the local authority would put these children in foster care. They need to go to their father.

Social services don't take children into foster care to give parents a break, especially not when they have another parent involved!

Your options are that their Dad takes them, someone else takes them and claims kinship payments, or they go into temporary foster care. There isn't another option.

If their Dad takes them, that can be a private arrangement between you, but it sounds like he's reluctant.

Someone else taking them would require you to have parents or in-laws, or close friends, who were happy to take them on. Again this could be private, but if social services were involved, they could claim kinship payments for the time that they have them. I believe this would stop any child-related payments that you get, if that's relevant.

Temporary foster care would be a last resort, and social services would approach Dad first. There are lovely foster homes, though, I've personal experience of being inside several. It's very unlikely that they'd only take some of your children - it's far more likely they'd all be placed in temporary foster care, and then when you're assessed as being well enough to care for them again, they'd return to you (unless there were reasons that this wasn't appropriate). Depending on how long they were in foster care, it may be a slower return - such as weekly visits, and then every other day, and then daily, and then back to you but with daily visits from the foster parents, and then every other day, etc.

Realistically only the first or the last option is going to give you a break, and in either case, it's probably going to need to be all of your children, or you're not really going to get a break and you may cause some resentment/hurt between your children.

Why temporary foster care when they have a father??

Actually, could their dad not take them for a week as your holiday time? Then you take them when he wants a week off later on? Yes I know you’re not on holiday as such, but this is quite usual for 50:50.

Ok so you’re 6 days in. Most meds of this kind take about 2 weeks to bed in. So you’ve got to find a way through the next 8 days or so. It sounds a lot but it’s really not long.

Could they spend some time with friends this weekend? Is there an activity you could book them onto? Then you’ve only got 3 days to get through before you get time off.

And I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. 💐 Apologies if these suggestions aren’t helpful but if you can see it as a finite time and break it down into chunks, it might feel easier to manage.

Why is their dad reluctant to take them more than 50% of the time? I actually don't think that's reasonable given that it's because of your health, and temporary. That's what you do as a parent. If he doesn't want outside help involved then he needs to step up to support you for the sake of the children. Sadly too many men refuse to do more than they have to because they see it as helping their ex, when in actual fact it's their kids they would be helping. How many women would refuse if the roles were reversed? Having said that, he obviously doesn't have responsibility for your other son, so if his dad isn't around at all then you would still have to make arrangements for him.

Ss will not remove your children because you need a break. As a pp has said removal is last resort and only if home and extended family life is so chaotic or awful there is no alternative so please don't worry about this.

It's the children's dad who needs to step in. But you cannot force him to if he can't/doesn't want to.

I hate to say this but unless you have family who can help you might have to just muddle through until your meds settle.

Their dad, unless their are safeguarding issues, is the next person to call on.

Social care would ask him too.

There is such a shortage of foster parents and a cost involved to the LA too. The priority are children who need foster care because they have nobody who can care for them, not children with a good dad.

Can you plan with their dad, or ask someone to help you with planning. Does your exh have family who can help him with your DC’s too?