Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Impossible to equalise in society Pvte Vs State AIbU?!

30 replies

MusicLife80 · 01/10/2024 14:37

I send my kids to an Independent school, why? Because they are girls and of colour. I wanted to try and work towards equalising in some way their ‘placing’ in society. I thought rightly or wrongly that I was buying them an advantage. And to some extent I am.

What I have found is total utter sense of entitlement amongst ‘rich’ kids really I don’t know made me think it’s impossible to equalise. They already come from money. My kids might have brains but brain power just isn’t enough. Your kids need to have an attitude where they are winners. for these successful families and people it’s all about individualism, just their own gain.

I don’t want my kids to be like that, it’s my aim
to keep them grounded. However they even with this extra benefit of a private education don’t really have a chance against this generational wealth and total winners attitude. These kids believe they are the best. They believe they are unbeatable.

No VAT on education is going to give that belief to the majority of kids in State schools. It’s just not. It comes with wealth and generational wealth. They don’t need brains.

When I was out this weekend at a theme park I saw kids from all backgrounds, some parents were shouting at their kids, swearing at them. And I thought we have no chance of equalising anything, the rich will always be rich. These kids being sworn at, shouted at will grow with low self esteem and self worth. And those that have always won will keep winning.

AIBU? There is no chance ever of levelling up.

OP posts:
Original poster
MusicLife80 · 01/10/2024 15:19

Thank you for your kind comments. It is not in my heart for me to engineer for my kids to the extent of who they are friends with. I am trying to keep them grounded. Granted it’s capitalism, I am from a country with even more inequality than here, but there it is visible, the gap is so wide there is not closing it in reality. I agree we can only do so much.

OP posts:
chisanunian · 01/10/2024 15:07

There will always be rich and poor in any society, and the amount of money people have does not necessarily reflect how nice they are as people.

Onlyonekenobe · 01/10/2024 15:02

Some parents choose private school for this very reason: they want their children to be "winners" and be surrounded by "winners". They will actively shun the "losers", and socially engineer their children's friendships away from "loser" families.

Some parents choose private school for the higher standard of education and try to rebalance at home whatever their children are on the receiving end of at school.

There are private schools with a majority of the former, private schools with a majority of the latter.

Schools are a distillation of society as a whole, from nursery right through to post-grad level education.

Janedoe82 · 01/10/2024 14:47

You are spot on and very brave for telling it as it is. I have privately educated children and I work with disadvantaged families so know both worlds very well.

babyproblems · 01/10/2024 14:44

I think all you can do is your best. The reality is that your girls need to put themselves first to some degree in life. It doesn’t mean they are heartless or spoilt. Of course some kids are - but you could consider the wider picture and some other elements; eg maybe some of the wealth in the circles you talk of does get donated to charity. Capitalism exists because there are people at the bottom, and some would argue that people who own businesses’ provide employment for those who would otherwise be unemployed or not able or willing to be self employed. It’s the system we live in. You sound level headed so I’m sure some of this will rub off on your girls. I also think that how someone behaves as a child is not necessarily how they will be as an adult! All you can do is teach your children to be resilient and have some humility. You are not unreasonable though to think that the UK is full of inequality. You could encourage them to do some voluntary work for example so they can witness a variety of people and children if you feel their circle is narrow at school. Like I said - all you can do is your best! Not everyone’s best is equal, or the same as your idea of success.