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Original poster

To be shocked deferring by a year has become this common?

432 replies

Killiam · 01/10/2024 14:32

My DS is 4, his birthday is august 28th, he started school this year.
Today I went to a session at his school where parents were invited in to see what they have been doing etc.
After I was talking to some parents and they noted more than once how tiny he is, I said ah well he has just turned 4 so makes sense. This is when I learned of his class of 24 kids, 4 of them should have started the year before 1 June birthday, 2 July and 1 August. The next closest in age to my son is a June baby so no other July or August babies born his year at all!
DS seems to be doing well but when I asked the other summer parents why they decided to defer they basically all said they just felt their kids needed more time, nothing the separates them from DS.
DS does cry most days going in and couldn't write his name or anything before starting.
The school is in central London and is very diverse but lots of Eastern European and Asian parents and Ive learn that in most of those countries 6 or even 7 is a more common. starting age so I wonder if that plays a role?

AIBU to be shocked it is so common to defer now? Starting to wonder if I made the right choice!

OP posts:
MiriamMay · 01/10/2024 14:46

I have worked as a TA in reception classes for a long time.

The truth is that lots of children who have only just turned 4 before starting school are not really ready. It’s nothing to do with academic ability either. They are not ready emotionally.

That’s not to say it was the same for you and your DS

I’m sure you made the best decision for your DS and I’m sure the other parents you are referring to made the best decision for their dc. I’m surprised that this shocks you.

Singleandproud · 01/10/2024 14:45

It wouldn't be common around here most parents aren't that educated that they would have looked into it and are largely glad for their children to start school and get out from under their feet. I think wealth, and education have a lot to say and once you know one person that's done it more will do so.

My September born baby was walking and signing in sentences and starting to talk around before many of her classmates had even been born. I do think it makes a big difference being one of the oldest in the classroom until year 5 or so then it levels out.

You did what was right for you and your family though. By year 11 some of those children might be very resentful they have to do another year

gingercat02 · 01/10/2024 14:43

DS is 28 July. I would have seriously considered it, had it been an option 12 years ago.
He is happily doing well at school and has just started 6th form, but he was always quite obviously one of the youngest in his year for a long time.

doodleschnoodle · 01/10/2024 14:43

I'm in Scotland and it's very common here and has been for a while. Our cut-offs are a bit different, but you can defer Jan/Feb born kids and get an extra year of funded childcare (30 hours) so they go to school at 5.5 instead of 4.5.

In DD1's nursery, all Jan/Feb kids bar one were deferred and she just started P1 in August at 5 and a half. Incredibly glad I did it.

I don't think it's as commonplace in England yet judging by threads on here, but certainly up here it's not anything unusual.

Commonsense22 · 01/10/2024 14:42

I don't know about deferring bit I wish repeating years was more common. It makes so little sense to push through children who have not acquired the skills and then expect teachers to cope with pupils who have extremely different standards in the same class. It really helps nobody at all, not least the children.

UncharteredWaters · 01/10/2024 14:40

I think a lot of people perceive summer born children to be disadvantaged/left behind and no one wants that for their child - so holds them back a year.
I think it will create more problems later on tho. The maturity gap of almost two years in some classes is going to be hard to manage

Lincoln24 · 01/10/2024 14:39

I'm in London too and I think the following factors play a role:
-generally wealthier families, which means families can afford another year of nursery or to have one parent stay at home most of the time.
-more traditional family set ups within some cultures, so again there is a woman at home to look after the children.

Amongst my non-london friends there is no one who has delayed their summer-born child's start because another year of nursery is unaffordable and both parents are working. The decision is mostly for practical reasons.