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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Frightened

366 replies

IveGotToGoToMeDads · 01/10/2024 11:01

Just been into the local cemetery walking my dog, and felt uneasy about a man who seemed to be watching me.
He went to one grave down the bottom of the hill, went to another all while watching me, he didn't have any flowers or nothing for anyones grave. He appeared to be talking to himself.
He slowly made his way up towards the hill towards me, at this point my back where to him. I felt really uneasy, so faced towards him and he was staring at me and I felt really intimidated he stopped at another grave and then faced me again staring. I felt is was not quite right and my gut instincted was going, so I decided to abandon my walk with the dog and run back to the car. Got in the car and locked myself in and come back home.

OP posts:
Conniebygaslight · 01/10/2024 14:45

KimberleyClark · 01/10/2024 11:13

He might have been watching in case your dog had a poo to make sure you picked it up.

I thought this too....but to be honest, I would've still done what OP did if I felt unsafe.

moomin34 · 01/10/2024 14:44

I was only watching him because my dog is reactive, so I needed the man to keep a safe space incase my dog bit out
Maybe he was watching you because he was worried your dog might be reactive? (I’m a little nervous around dogs I don’t know after being bitten; I’d probably keep an eye to make sure it was still on a lead, as I’d want to keep my distance if at any point it wasn’t).

It didn't look like he was visiting graves, because he didn't seem interested in the various graves. More interested in what i was doing and where I was going.
Did you seem interested in the various graves, or do you think it might have seemed to him that you were more interested in what he was doing and where he was going?

I was glancing at him,he was staring intently at me.
You would have only known when he was looking directly at you when you were looking at him. For all you know he could have been facing in your general direction and you looking at him caught his attention each time.

It seems more likely that this man ended up watching you because you kept looking at him. Or he might not have been in his own world and not realised what he was doing, or he could be frightened of dogs and keeping an eye on where you are (just like you were doing with him because of your dog). Talking to himself could have been that he was on the phone, or chatting to a deceased loved one as he wandered around.

There are lots of normal explanations and nothing you’ve described sounds threatening to me, but if you felt unsafe you did the right thing to take yourself out of this situation. If it makes you feel safer to go back with a friend that’s a good idea, but it doesn’t sound like this man did anything wrong.

ForeverPombear · 01/10/2024 14:44

I wouldn't say it is funny.

Do I think the op overreacted? Yes but she felt uncomfortable so fair enough, calling the police was an overreaction for me.

Do I think dogs should be walked in cemetarys? I'm not sure, I see both sides of the argument. Some of you have made your points over and over again and this thread really is starting to feel like 2 or 3 of you are just picking on the op just for the sake of it. I didn't find any of your posts funny.

Original poster
IveGotToGoToMeDads · 01/10/2024 14:44

@PinotPony your right I am a nervous & anxious person.

OP posts:
nootcoffee · 01/10/2024 14:44

have you told your friend that the dog walk tomorrow she’ll be going in involves walking through the industrial estate?

oh and a cemetery that petrified you today?

PinotPony · 01/10/2024 14:43

I’m all for trusting your instincts but OP sounds like an incredibly nervous, anxious individual who struggles to be around people. My bet would be that she’s blown this chap’s presence completely out of proportion.

Can’t believe she reported it to 101!

Mamabobogo · 01/10/2024 14:42

IveGotToGoToMeDads · 01/10/2024 14:38

@nootcoffee my dog loves the routine of the cemetary and industrial estates. He's not board at all. The cemetary feels so much better than the park.

How does he tell he’s not bored?

Original poster
IveGotToGoToMeDads · 01/10/2024 14:40

@LemonyFace 100% not the cyclist.

OP posts:
Original poster
IveGotToGoToMeDads · 01/10/2024 14:40

@nootcoffee the cyclist incident was years ago, yeah he did cycle again I seen him loads of times after. The man was/is okay.

OP posts:
LemonyFace · 01/10/2024 14:40

nootcoffee · 01/10/2024 14:38

i wonder whether the cyclist ever rode again after he was attacked. By your dog

Maybe the cyclist has taken to wandering around graveyards getting his exercise these days 🤔
Enjoying his walks for the past 9 years... and then one day.... 😱 🐕 😱

nootcoffee · 01/10/2024 14:40

HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 01/10/2024 14:38

Usually ridiculous and entertaining threads tbh 😂 this one's a bit too far for me to take seriously though 😂

Show quote history

tbf… this one is a funny one!

Original poster
IveGotToGoToMeDads · 01/10/2024 14:38

@nootcoffee my dog loves the routine of the cemetary and industrial estates. He's not board at all. The cemetary feels so much better than the park.

OP posts:
nootcoffee · 01/10/2024 14:38

i wonder whether the cyclist ever rode again after he was attacked. By your dog

HorsePeopleAreStablePeople · 01/10/2024 14:38

nootcoffee · 01/10/2024 14:20

what brings you to mumsnet @HorsePeopleAreStablePeople ? 😆

Show quote history

Usually ridiculous and entertaining threads tbh 😂 this one's a bit too far for me to take seriously though 😂

TriesNotToBeCynical · 01/10/2024 14:38

WinterAconite · 01/10/2024 14:26

That's awful that you were sacked over it

Show quote history

Surely wrongful dismissal?

nootcoffee · 01/10/2024 14:37

IveGotToGoToMeDads · 01/10/2024 14:35

@nootcoffee my dogs gets loads of exercise, the cemetary and industrial estates we go are massive.

nothing like an industrial estate for a dog walk 😆

Original poster
IveGotToGoToMeDads · 01/10/2024 14:37

@TypingoftheDead thank you.

OP posts:
nootcoffee · 01/10/2024 14:36

IveGotToGoToMeDads · 01/10/2024 14:32

@nootcoffee not a wind up at all. What's the problem with my dog going to cemetaries or industrial estates to walk, because he was attacked in my local area and we don't have the confidence no more in parks or our usual streets?

you said you only go to the cemetery

but ok industrial estates too

border collies need 2/3 hours of exercise a day.

this doesn’t sound great op

if i were you, given you’re walking with a friend tomorrow, i’d try another walk- go

but nope, back to the cemetery you go despite spending literally the entire day arguing why the chap there was definitely a baddie

🤷 good luck op (bloody hell that cemetery and industrial estate 2x a day for a couple of hours must be so boring!!)

Original poster
IveGotToGoToMeDads · 01/10/2024 14:35

@nootcoffee my dogs gets loads of exercise, the cemetary and industrial estates we go are massive.

OP posts:
Original poster
IveGotToGoToMeDads · 01/10/2024 14:35

@Butchyrestingface the dog is a border collie about 23kg, which is big, but he's soft really. Only bit once when he was a lot younger and that is because a cyclist startled him going by too quickly.

OP posts:
Original poster
IveGotToGoToMeDads · 01/10/2024 14:32

@nootcoffee not a wind up at all. What's the problem with my dog going to cemetaries or industrial estates to walk, because he was attacked in my local area and we don't have the confidence no more in parks or our usual streets?

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 01/10/2024 14:32

How large is your dog, @IveGotToGoToMeDads ? If it was a wee spaniel or Shih Tzu I'd probably have high-tailed it the hell out of dodge too. If it were an XL Bully with anger management problems, might have been tempted to stand my ground. Grin

In all seriousness, sounds like you made a judgement call. You weren't rude or unpleasant to anyone, just removed yourself from a situation that made you feel uncomfortable. Instincts are not infallible, but we have them for a reason.

nootcoffee · 01/10/2024 14:31

border collies need a LOT of exercise . 2-3 hours a day.

you’re saying that you just go to the cemetery and industrial estates, twice a day, every day?

BringMeTea · 01/10/2024 14:31

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TypingoftheDead · 01/10/2024 14:30

YourMommaWasASnowblower · 01/10/2024 11:18

He might have been visiting multiple graves, maybe he felt uneasy with you being there to express himself at the graves, you won’t know really.
Just be glad you are safe, it’s always a good idea to trust your gut.

I agree with this - if you were uncomfortable you weren’t wrong to leave and I’m sorry you had that experience; it doesn’t sound pleasant at all. Hope you’re feeling better now and can find somewhere else to walk your dog.