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AIBU?

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Original poster

My mum has bought DD a dress knowing we won’t like it.

484 replies

Glasscabinet · 01/10/2024 10:35

It’s DD first birthday soon and my mum has asked me to collect an outfit from hers ready for DD birthday.

My mum was laughing as she said that neither me or DH will like it/to our tastes but in her eyes it’s lovely.

What planet would I dress my DD, on her first birthday, in an outfit that caused a round of laughter over.

One hand I could be polite and pretend that DD got it dirty or I could straight out refuse to accept it.

What a waste of money and material. If anything I’m actually quite annoyed.

My mum has bought DD a dress knowing we won’t like it.
OP posts:
PointsSouth · 02/10/2024 09:22

That is absolutely revolting.

I'd get one just like that for your mother that says 'Mavis is Old' and insist she wears it on her birthday.

CowboyJoanna · 01/10/2024 21:16

Wow...chavtasticGrin
YANBU!!

Drfosters · 01/10/2024 20:44

sunsu · 01/10/2024 20:19

Yes but did your mum laugh and tell she deliberately bought something she knew you wouldn’t like? That’s the difference.
If my mum bought an outfit for my child with good intentions, but wasn’t to my taste, of course I’d still dress my child in it and be appreciative. But I don’t think that’s what’s happened here going by OPs post. Context is very important.

Show quote history

Yeah my mum knew she was often buying stuff that wasn’t to my taste. But she was thrilled to have a granddaughter to dress up! But we’re super close and had a laugh about these things. She was and still is immensely generous and has been a hands on grandparent. I can definitely think of moments my DH would be like ‘what on earth is DD wearing?!’. I guess it all depends on the relationship you have with your parent. I was always willing to humour her.

honestly I’d have loved a little outfit like the one the OP has shown. Once you have teenagers that only live in massive hoodies and leggings you miss the days of frills and bows!

Festivemoose · 01/10/2024 20:26

My mum keeps buying things like this for my dd. I don’t even take the label off. I put it straight onto vinted or take it to the charity shop. She knows I don’t like it because I keep telling her. If I gave in and dressed her in it, even just for a photo, she would buy even more of it.

Runningupthecurtains · 01/10/2024 20:20

Lavender14 · 01/10/2024 20:09

Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?? When ds was born lots of people gifted us outfits that wouldn't be to my taste. I put ds in them, took a photo and sent it to them saying thank you.

My guess is your mum is laughing at how seriously she knew you'd react rather than the dress itself. Its not my taste either but I wouldn't say its totally offensive either.

The same applies as if you were given a present you don't much like - you smile and say thankful and be grateful for the thought.

Every day stuff that wasn't to my taste I'd gratefully receive, remember to grab a photo of DC in it or put them in it when they were likely to see the giver then stick it at the bottom of the pile and change DC into it following a 4am nappy explosion when I was behind on the washing.

But I do think trying to force a parent to use something they hate on a special occasion is controlling and I wouldn't go along to keep the peace. DPs got to dress their kids for their first birthday parties, they don't to dress mine to.
Hideous clothes are OK for quiet days at home/ emergency changes/ messy play but not for big events that I want to look back on and where other people might actually think my brain fell out in labour and that I now actually like that shit.

sunsu · 01/10/2024 20:19

Drfosters · 01/10/2024 14:57

my mum bought my DD loads of things I didn’t like but you know what, it gave my mum loads of pleasure dressing her up. She grew out of the clothes pretty quick and I have immensely fond memories of that time with all of us bonding over the kids.

I actually think the dress is cute but even if I didn’t I’d still put her in it, take some photos and make my mum happy.

Show quote history

Yes but did your mum laugh and tell she deliberately bought something she knew you wouldn’t like? That’s the difference.
If my mum bought an outfit for my child with good intentions, but wasn’t to my taste, of course I’d still dress my child in it and be appreciative. But I don’t think that’s what’s happened here going by OPs post. Context is very important.

Lavender14 · 01/10/2024 20:19

Mnetcurious · 01/10/2024 20:15

Well the same happened when my kids were born, I imagine most people have that experience.
It’s very different in this situation though - 1) this is not a gift when baby is born, it’s something op’s mum wants the baby to wear for her first birthday, she’s trying to dictate
2) It was bought knowing the child’s parents wouldn’t like it but disregarding their feelings. So totally different to your example, when gifts are bought in the hope that they will be to the taste of the recipient.

Show quote history

I understand, but I still think sometimes there's value in picking your battles. Would I dress dd in it for the entire day? No. I'd still take the pic for her granny though. Op can offer a compromise by doing that while still dressing her DD the way she wants for her birthday.

Mnetcurious · 01/10/2024 20:15

Lavender14 · 01/10/2024 20:09

Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?? When ds was born lots of people gifted us outfits that wouldn't be to my taste. I put ds in them, took a photo and sent it to them saying thank you.

My guess is your mum is laughing at how seriously she knew you'd react rather than the dress itself. Its not my taste either but I wouldn't say its totally offensive either.

The same applies as if you were given a present you don't much like - you smile and say thankful and be grateful for the thought.

Well the same happened when my kids were born, I imagine most people have that experience.
It’s very different in this situation though - 1) this is not a gift when baby is born, it’s something op’s mum wants the baby to wear for her first birthday, she’s trying to dictate
2) It was bought knowing the child’s parents wouldn’t like it but disregarding their feelings. So totally different to your example, when gifts are bought in the hope that they will be to the taste of the recipient.

Lavender14 · 01/10/2024 20:09

Does it really matter in the grand scheme of things?? When ds was born lots of people gifted us outfits that wouldn't be to my taste. I put ds in them, took a photo and sent it to them saying thank you.

My guess is your mum is laughing at how seriously she knew you'd react rather than the dress itself. Its not my taste either but I wouldn't say its totally offensive either.

The same applies as if you were given a present you don't much like - you smile and say thankful and be grateful for the thought.

honeybeetheoneandonly · 01/10/2024 20:06

I know I'm massively projecting but I wouldn't dress my kids in anything I didn't like just to appease my mom. It's absolutely fine to not dress her in it at all and not engage in a discussion about it either.

Miffylou · 01/10/2024 19:43

Lovelylilylane · 01/10/2024 19:35

Sadly as a society we are becoming fixated on ourselves. Why can’t her daughter understand that it would delight her mother for baby to wear it? Where is the generosity of spirit towards a woman who gave birth and raised her? So sad.

Show quote history

To me it seems that it is the grandmother who is fixated on herself. She knew her daughter would not like the outfit and the baby wouldn’t care either way, so she was thinking only of her own desire to see the baby in it, and consciously going against what she knew the baby's mother would want.

Why can’t the grandmother understand that it would delight her daughter to be able to choose her baby's outfit herself for a special occasion? Where is the generosity of spirit that would recognise that the grandmother chose the clothes for her own children and should afford her daughter the same right?

Funnywonder · 01/10/2024 19:43

Oh boy, after reading that update, no way would I even dress my child for a photo as I thought earlier. Your mum sounds very controlling and it’s horrible that she wants to have a laugh at your expense.

Just no way. That’s a fight I’d definitely be up for, given her attitude.

KirstenBlest · 01/10/2024 19:37

Her mum's a bully.

Lovelylilylane · 01/10/2024 19:35

Miffylou · 01/10/2024 12:50

I think it’s vile. But your and my opinions don’t matter, the point is that OP doesn’t like it and her mother knew she wouldn’t.

Show quote history

Sadly as a society we are becoming fixated on ourselves. Why can’t her daughter understand that it would delight her mother for baby to wear it? Where is the generosity of spirit towards a woman who gave birth and raised her? So sad.

nextdoornightmares · 01/10/2024 19:29

Mnetcurious · 01/10/2024 17:40

Your problem here is that you’re allowing her to keep going with the disrespectful behaviour by actually putting the kids in the clothes you don’t like, and she knows you don’t like them.

“she will ask over and over if they've worn them or expects to see them wearing them” - you need to say no it’s not my taste so I prefer not to put them in that outfit. Certainly don’t put them in the clothes when you know you’ll be seeing her as that just validates her choice.

she said she saw a "lovely" outfit for the baby I'm currently pregnant with. I said I don't like it. She said she was buying it anyway. - then your response should be “that’s up to you but I won’t be putting her in that dress so you will be wasting your money.”

Make her see that she can’t force you, don’t be a pushover.

Show quote history

You're absolutely right. She's a very difficult person in many ways though. Which I know isn't really an excuse and allowing the behaviour just makes it easy for her to continue being so controlling and undermining me. I have definitely stood up for myself more since having my children, which she doesn't like and causes all sorts of drama and quite frankly being nasty/abusive from her, but I definitely do need to do it more!

Runningupthecurtains · 01/10/2024 19:28

Glasscabinet · 01/10/2024 18:22

I read this thread before I went to my mums. I took a deep breath and realised that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. The baby grow would come in use, the skirt wasn’t the worst thing either… Head band could be donated after I had posed DD for a photo in the morning…

However, got to mum’s house and it wasn’t what I had found on google using the description from siblings. It was a dress from Ali express with matching head band.

The reason mum had found it hilarious was because she knows I cannot stand huge head bows which this dress has.

I quote:

’When I get to the party I expect to see her wearing this with her head bow. I’m not joking, I don’t want to hear any of your excuses how you’ve mislaid it…’

I told her that I didn’t mind her wearing it in the morning but in the afternoon she’d be wearing her party dress that I had bought her for her birthday party.

She sighed and said

It will only take a minute to get her changed as she wanted a picture of her holding DD with her cake.

I assume your granny didn't get to choose what you /any siblings you have wore. Remind your mum that she has had her turn and as a parent you get to do the fun stuff like choosing party outfits not just the grind like changing nappies.
Tell her you have chosen what your daughter will wear on her birthday/for her party and that it doesn't include a stupid head band because
1 - she isn't an Easter egg
2 - she isn't a doll and will be moving about, pulling things off her head
3 - they are dangerous
4 - it's not your taste

But your mum an item of clothing for Christmas that is complete opposite to her style and inform her that will she her in it or else.

GroaningGyrtle · 01/10/2024 19:25

Glasscabinet · 01/10/2024 18:22

I read this thread before I went to my mums. I took a deep breath and realised that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. The baby grow would come in use, the skirt wasn’t the worst thing either… Head band could be donated after I had posed DD for a photo in the morning…

However, got to mum’s house and it wasn’t what I had found on google using the description from siblings. It was a dress from Ali express with matching head band.

The reason mum had found it hilarious was because she knows I cannot stand huge head bows which this dress has.

I quote:

’When I get to the party I expect to see her wearing this with her head bow. I’m not joking, I don’t want to hear any of your excuses how you’ve mislaid it…’

I told her that I didn’t mind her wearing it in the morning but in the afternoon she’d be wearing her party dress that I had bought her for her birthday party.

She sighed and said

It will only take a minute to get her changed as she wanted a picture of her holding DD with her cake.

I don’t know if your mum is a dick, but she’s acting like one. You don’t have to capitulate in this, OP x

Errors · 01/10/2024 18:54

FictionalCharacter · 01/10/2024 18:32

Your mum really isn't very nice, is she?

If I knew my daughter hated big head bows, the last thing on earth I'd do is try to force her to put her baby in one.

It's 100% an act of dominance over you. And as always we have people on here telling you to give in to her!

Show quote history

Yeah this. Tell her to fuck off

Needmorelego · 01/10/2024 18:51

It's a headband. Your daughter will pull it off after about 10 seconds.
Put it on. Take the photo. By then your daughter will have chucked it to the floor.

Hollietree · 01/10/2024 18:42

Glasscabinet · 01/10/2024 18:22

I read this thread before I went to my mums. I took a deep breath and realised that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. The baby grow would come in use, the skirt wasn’t the worst thing either… Head band could be donated after I had posed DD for a photo in the morning…

However, got to mum’s house and it wasn’t what I had found on google using the description from siblings. It was a dress from Ali express with matching head band.

The reason mum had found it hilarious was because she knows I cannot stand huge head bows which this dress has.

I quote:

’When I get to the party I expect to see her wearing this with her head bow. I’m not joking, I don’t want to hear any of your excuses how you’ve mislaid it…’

I told her that I didn’t mind her wearing it in the morning but in the afternoon she’d be wearing her party dress that I had bought her for her birthday party.

She sighed and said

It will only take a minute to get her changed as she wanted a picture of her holding DD with her cake.

Is your Mum usually a dominating control freak?

I think you need to stand firm with her - this is my child, I have chosen the outfit she is wearing for her first birthday party. You can dress her in that outfit before/after the party, or another day.

If you don’t stand firm she’ll soon be telling you how to cut her hair, which school she must go to, etc etc.

mogtheexcellent · 01/10/2024 18:42

I would also be annoyed. And its hideous.

Thank fuck my DD is 10 and i no longer get this from MIL.

CurbsideProphet · 01/10/2024 18:40

My MIL gave us a Christmas baby outfit and said " he will wear that on his first Christmas day"... I replied "we already have a couple of outfits for Christmas day, but he can wear it boxing day"...

In your case I would say " we can wear it in the morning but we already have a little party outfit thank you" and then not be drawn I to any further conversations about it.

FictionalCharacter · 01/10/2024 18:32

Glasscabinet · 01/10/2024 18:22

I read this thread before I went to my mums. I took a deep breath and realised that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. The baby grow would come in use, the skirt wasn’t the worst thing either… Head band could be donated after I had posed DD for a photo in the morning…

However, got to mum’s house and it wasn’t what I had found on google using the description from siblings. It was a dress from Ali express with matching head band.

The reason mum had found it hilarious was because she knows I cannot stand huge head bows which this dress has.

I quote:

’When I get to the party I expect to see her wearing this with her head bow. I’m not joking, I don’t want to hear any of your excuses how you’ve mislaid it…’

I told her that I didn’t mind her wearing it in the morning but in the afternoon she’d be wearing her party dress that I had bought her for her birthday party.

She sighed and said

It will only take a minute to get her changed as she wanted a picture of her holding DD with her cake.

Your mum really isn't very nice, is she?

If I knew my daughter hated big head bows, the last thing on earth I'd do is try to force her to put her baby in one.

It's 100% an act of dominance over you. And as always we have people on here telling you to give in to her!

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/10/2024 18:27

Glasscabinet · 01/10/2024 18:22

I read this thread before I went to my mums. I took a deep breath and realised that it wasn’t the worst thing in the world. The baby grow would come in use, the skirt wasn’t the worst thing either… Head band could be donated after I had posed DD for a photo in the morning…

However, got to mum’s house and it wasn’t what I had found on google using the description from siblings. It was a dress from Ali express with matching head band.

The reason mum had found it hilarious was because she knows I cannot stand huge head bows which this dress has.

I quote:

’When I get to the party I expect to see her wearing this with her head bow. I’m not joking, I don’t want to hear any of your excuses how you’ve mislaid it…’

I told her that I didn’t mind her wearing it in the morning but in the afternoon she’d be wearing her party dress that I had bought her for her birthday party.

She sighed and said

It will only take a minute to get her changed as she wanted a picture of her holding DD with her cake.

Can she come round first and pose for a photo before you put DD in her real dress and the other guests arrive?

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