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Original poster

Do I make the effort with sister who doesn’t like my child?

159 replies

MirandaJH · 01/10/2024 10:03

I know I’m probably throwing myself to the tigers but I genuinely want advice so please don’t start judging and cursing me…
I used to have a really good relationship with my sister and her husband even though they live hours away from me- we would make the effort to visit each other often.
But when I was 24 weeks pregnant, me and my baby nearly died due to a medical issue. When I told my sister her response was just a text saying “Oh I’m glad you’re ok now” (despite us not being out of the woods). The rest of the pregnancy was very scary yet she didn’t reach out once to check how I was.
I had a c-section at 36 weeks and he was born under 4 pounds. When I told her, again the response was vague- “congratulations so happy for you” and that was it.
He’s now 3 months old and she’s only visited him once, but only because she was already up North to see someone else. When she met him she just looked at him like “ew” and didn’t acknowledge him the whole time. She didn’t even want to hold him.
About a week after them meeting, I had to take him to A+E because we discovered he had a hernia. That night we weren’t sure if he’d need an operation. When I messaged her upset and worried, she didn’t even bother to reply and never checked up to see what happened.
My birthday was shortly after and she text me to say, “sorry I can’t send you anything cos I’ve had a stressful week at work”.
With Christmas coming up, I feel like not even reaching out or sending her anything, because the fact that she seems to care so little has really bothered and hurt me.
What would you do?

OP posts:
Hillarious · 01/10/2024 10:17

Before I had children, I didn't have the remotest interest in them. No fertility issues, just no interest. As @Mrsttcno1 says, her daughter is her number one interest in her life right now, but the same won't be true for the friends, and possibly some of the family, of @Mrsttcno1. Don't alienate your sister over this.

GhostVase · 01/10/2024 10:15

Mrsttcno1 · 01/10/2024 10:11

Some people just don’t like/enjoy babies, and your baby isn’t as interesting to other people as it is to you, but I do feel this is beyond that line.

In my experience becoming a parent does make you quite cut throat, I know I certainly am now, if someone doesn’t make the effort to ask about my daughter, even a text or call, then I simply don’t have time for those people. She is the most important thing in my life and the people who love me, love us, understand that and actively want to be in her life, even my friends who live further away ask about her, ask for photos, came to see us when she was born and now we alternate going to them & them coming to us. The people who don’t bother are no longer in my life, I think it’s perfectly okay to stop making effort or entertaining people like this and I would feel that way about your sister.

But you’re cutting off your nose to spite your face. Bluntly,your friends are interested in you, not your child. Cutting off friends who don’t ‘love’ your offspring, or go through the motions of enquiring about her in texts, is frankly mad. That they see your child as a side-aspect of you doesn’t make them bad friends, or bad people.

AnnaMagnani · 01/10/2024 10:15

No one is going to feel about your kids they way you do.

If yoour sister hasn''t got kids of her own she probably hasn't a clue how emotional these things were for you.

Lifeasweknowitisrandom · 01/10/2024 10:11

Not everyone can deal with babies. It's not a personal slight on you or your baby. Some people just don't do babies.

Mrsttcno1 · 01/10/2024 10:11

Some people just don’t like/enjoy babies, and your baby isn’t as interesting to other people as it is to you, but I do feel this is beyond that line.

In my experience becoming a parent does make you quite cut throat, I know I certainly am now, if someone doesn’t make the effort to ask about my daughter, even a text or call, then I simply don’t have time for those people. She is the most important thing in my life and the people who love me, love us, understand that and actively want to be in her life, even my friends who live further away ask about her, ask for photos, came to see us when she was born and now we alternate going to them & them coming to us. The people who don’t bother are no longer in my life, I think it’s perfectly okay to stop making effort or entertaining people like this and I would feel that way about your sister.

Offcom · 01/10/2024 10:08

My first thought is similar to the above posters, is she pregnant or thinking of it and not wanting to engage with the reality?

What a tough start you and your baby have had, I’m so sorry for you both

Octavia64 · 01/10/2024 10:08

My brother met my twins first when they were five. Five years not five months.

He's a good friend to me and we support each other. He just doesn't do kids.

Up to you whether you want to lower contact or not. Some people don't do kids.

autienotnaughty · 01/10/2024 10:06

Do you think she's having fertility issues? Or really dislikes kids?

No excuse though. I'd match her energy.

hellokittychan · 01/10/2024 10:05

Not excusing her behaviour at all, just trying to understand why she would be like this…does she have children?

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