Do I make the effort with sister who doesn’t like my child?

I am sorry to hear this OP. Sounds very hurtful.

I wonder if your sister is suffering from infertility. I have experience in this area, and the strong emotions of envy, sadness and anger (at my own body and of the unfairness of the world) were very difficult to manage.

If your sister was previously caring then there's something going on psychologically causing her to behave differently.

I do have lots of sympathy for you OP, of course you want your sister to be more supportive, but perhaps she can't give you that right now.

It's fine she doesn't like kids but she also seems to not like you.

You sends 1 short text in response to their sister nearly dying or cares so lotte after you've had major surgery and been sliced literally in half. Not bothering to call you back any time you've called her.

She isnt interested in if you're ok or your life. I showed more interest and care when my neighbour's dog was sick.

I'd cut her off.

It really isn’t, you know. You choose to fake interest in other people’s curtains. Not everyone does.

I'm totally with you on this.

I don’t think she done anything wrong

just talk to her and I’m sure it will clear things up!

I am going through the opposite of this myself. I have a problem with emotional detachment (family) and after my sister gave birth she did let me know of the baby and what not name lbs inches but I wasn't the first to know. My parents were, people were loathed together. And from then on she'll send me texts or pics every now and then of the baby but my mother LOVES showing off screenshots of the baby she was just with and made me realize I never experienced or my sister nor i even thought to face time one another. I do feel hurt in myself that there's videos out there with her expressing love about her baby. I'm trying for a baby and it's not working. But I also suffer from emotional sympathy. I want to feel but it's hard. You and your sister had a great life in the past and something must've happened where she cut herself off. My sister suddenly went into the Marines when she was eighteen and I was alone till 23 when she wanted to communicate with me again or reconnect. It was already hard, since I went through depression at a chaotic state cause of her leaving and detached myself from her, and now it's hard to come back.
When I look at another's infant I see a blank canvas. But I know that it is different when you have your own loved ones. Like how it is with my partner.
Your sister said she had a bad week, well did her dog die? Did she lose a friend? Did u look to find out? Even if your sister may not be the sensitive type, just to be thought of is enough. Send smth everyday or every now and then. Even though my sis is being an ass hat on only showing her baby to everyone but me, we send videos to one another almost everyday. I'm also vague with my words. So how your sister responds- there are a lot more emotionless ways that could've been insensitive. I think it's more emotional. We don't know what's going on in her life. And I feel for both sides. Given that my sister is in the position of the person asking the question and I'm realizing maybe that's why she doesn't even want to show me anything because I also respond with little emotion like the other sister. But I can't help my emotions ._. it's a non responding void.

Could it be she's always been like this but you're only noticing now because you've needed more support than before?
You've said yourself she is emotionally closed off and stunted etc

I would let go of any expectations of support and interest from her, draw a line under the relationship you thought you had and put effort into other friendships.

You've been through a lot, don't waste your energy on her wondering and continually reaching out only to be disappointed and let down.

She sounds totally self-absorbed and uninterested in your life and wellbeing.

It doesn't take having children of your own to muster a basic level of care about a near still birth, a hazardous premature birth or a young baby potentially needing surgery. Most decent humans can feel concern for such matters even for people more lightly connected than a sibling.

She doesn't deserve effort from OP.

I don't have kids, and I never intend to.
My sister has three and I care deeply about her and her children's wellbeing - if my baby nephew had needed emergency surgery I'd have offered any support I possibly could, just as I would if any member of her family was ill.
I'm pretty surprised that not being a baby person is seen as a good excuse to show complete indifference, if my friends or siblings are going through something then I try my best to offer them whatever practical/emotional support I can - isn't that just part of trying to be a decent person?

I don't have kids, I'm not good with kids, I don't especially like kids. But if my friend reached out to me for support after major health scares for her and her baby I would do more than OPs sister. It's not about being interested in children, it's about being interested in the wellbeing of a friend. OP isn't bothered that her sister isn't cooing in delight with requisite enthusiasm, it's beyond that.

She perhaps should have more of an effort, but some people really aren’t interested in the babies of others.🤷‍♀️

Childfree people just don't get it and you can't relly fault them. It will be different when they eventually have their own kids or when your kid is old enough to have some interaction.

Couldn't agree more. Maybe she doesn't do kids but when it is a serious health matter then any normal person shows concern. Personally I just wouldn't bother with her any more. You have your own little family unit and don't need negative people in your life.

I cannot understand the 'some people don't do kids' thing. Surely you still ask the questions and pretend to give a shit. Isn't that how friends or family relationships work?

Truthfully I don't really give a shit about my sisters new flat, what's it to me afterall? But I open every photo and give opinions on curtains and i regularly asked her how's it going during the sale and bought a present etc. Likewise my pal got a big promotion and I invited her for dinner and got champagne and let her tell me all about the process etc. I don't really know or care about her work but I care about her, that's how it works.

Not showing an interest in the most important thing in a person's life is the same as not showing an interest in them and it's unreasonable and hurtful.

Well, I suppose the difference is in you, then. She's not an emotional person. Because your baby is understandably important to you, you thought that might make your sister more emotionally involved in your life, but it hasn't. The stakes are, understandably, raised for you, but, equally understandably, not for her.

But I don't think your title is accurate -- she doesn't 'dislike' your baby. I mean, your baby is three months old, so there's nothing to like or dislike! She's just not that bothered. Or she is, but it doesn't occur to her to respond in a certain way.

Have you spoken to your sister x

Or you just agree that 'dogs are your thing, but not mine' and 'kids are your thing, but not mine'?

I don’t get all the “she just doesn’t like babies” posts.

Theres a difference to not liking babies / being interested and not giving a care that your sister and her child nearly died, or not caring that your nephew might need surgery.

My sister is not a baby person, pregnancy, kids they don’t interest her! She doesn’t ask about my DC often, I don’t care because I know babies aren’t her thing family or not but I know if anything happened to me or DC she would be there for me

I think she's worried about the dynamics of your relationship as sisters changing and is putting walls up to protect herself. If this is the case then obviously she's massively missing out on beautiful connections with both you & her nephew. Naturally the baby is part of your lives now and she knows she has to accept that. Is is possible other family members your parents are also v excited and talking about the baby lots so she feels everything has changed and put out. However she will need to accept this is just what happens when babies come along. Your loved ones should be supportive and accepting if they want to maintain a relationship with you. Not saying their life has to revolve around your child but they should at least be loving and supportive esp from afar. My sibling doesn't have children but is wonderful with mine albeit doesn't see them a lot and v supportive to me. I don't really do dogs but make a big effort for my sibling who has several dogs and they are the love of their life, if something matters to someone that is important to you then it should matter to you too.

But the OP says her sister never talks about emotions unless drunk. She says they had a 'good' relationships previously, but by that she seems to have meant that they travelled to see one another. It's not clear that were confiding regularly in one another about serious things. If she's suddenly getting messages from he pregnant sister about life-threatening medical conditions being suffered by her/her unborn baby, and then about how she's worried about the baby maybe having to have surgery, that may be completely new territory for her sister.