Do I make the effort with sister who doesn’t like my child?

Are you sure you had a good relationship with your sister before your little one was born? Births in a family have the "magical" ability to uncover ugly truths about family dynamics that were always there but to which we were blind...

I think you need to have a really honest conversation with your sister as you have described your relationship as close but it dosent sound like that. Mayb she has something going on your unaware of give her the benefit of the doubt and just talk to her honestly and go from there.

My sister had her baby during covid so I wasn't allowed at the hospital it was a difficult birth but I was on the phone to her and checking in every chance I could to offer whatever support I could at that time.

The sister doesn't just seem to not care about the baby, she doesn't seem to care about OP either. Something else is going on here.

I'd maybe check in and see that she's ok (without mentioning that you think she's been horrible) and after that then I would just match her energy. I don't get the posts saying some people aren't kids people or she might be having issues. She's your sister, if kids aren't her thing fine but she could at least be polite and act like a decent human on occasion and give the obligatory awwwh adorable now and again

She has form OP.
I doubt she will change hugely.
I think it is unreasonable to ask something of her that she has never given before.
I think you need to focus on matching her energy completely.
Keep her firmly on the periphery of your life.
Going forward put your energy into making friends who are on a similar path and will share this time in your life.

Not everyone is interested in children.
I was very late having mine but was very interested in my friends children because I loved my friends.
My single childless friends are interested in my children because they are a part of my life, like I am interested in their lives.

Accept your sister for who she is and where she is at.
Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed.
Don't spoil this time being upset.
Focus on your baby and mind you both.

But when you know your sister is worried and hurting, regardless of baby, then you reach out and you are supportive. Nothing to do with liking babies, it's about your sister's feelings. She tested explaining what she was going through.

@MirandaJH I have no advice to offer, but just wanted to say I think I understand how you are feeling. Although my situation is not exactly the same as yours, but my relationship dynamics with my sister are very similar to yours.
This year I finally started waking up to the fact that my sister is simply not interested in having a sisterly relationship with me, or being an aunt to my kids. Tbh she's not even keen on being a daughter to our parents. No idea why.

First, I’m so sorry you’ve gone through so much with your beautiful little baby. I hope things are now on the up, and that all is well.

As for your sister… you say you’ve always got on well, so presumably you’re finding this behaviour around your child very out of character? If someone starts behaving differently from the person you know them to be, instead of stepping back, you should be stepping forward. It usually means there’s something going on with them that they either can’t or don’t want to talk about.
Check in on HER. Ask if all is OK. Tell her you’re still there for her, despite all your obvious distractions ATM.

Good luck. I hope you get to the bottom of it and you and your sister can become as close as you were before the recent changes.
And give your baby a hug from MN! x

My brother said. It's weird people will know when you've had sex and I get the really degrading comment aswell, of you should have kept your legs shut. Siblings can be awful. I dont speak to my brother either.

Before you give up on your relationship maybe you could talk to her about how you’re feeling about it. Like say you felt hurt when you haven’t had much contact from her and you understand that she might not be into kids but that her lack of interest in other ways (such as your birthday or your health) is hard because you’d like a close relationship with her.

she might fob you off but at least then you’ve had a crack at talking to her about your feelings and her response will give you a better idea as to whether you want to bother with her or not.

Even if she "doesn't do kids" your still her sister and you'd think she'd be worried enough to make sure you're ok, you're supported and that nothing happens to you, you'd think she'd want to see the child at least because he's part of you and again to see you and make sure you're supported.

She sounds like a bit of an A hole tbh and selfish.

Maybe speak to her, tell her how you feel, don't make it so much about the baby but like when you were in hospital and you were worried and scared you could have done with some support. And after he was born the same thing. Make it about your relationship. The birthday thing shows she's miffed about something. She could of amazoned a present and sent a card. There's nothing you can't do online. It takes 5 mins.

Hope you get it sorted. It sounds like you were really close before x

When I was first pregnant my brother said “so you have a thing growing in you. Weird”.

He just didn’t bother turning up to my wedding, no apology.

Years later when I had three DC he messaged to say he knew he had been a bad Uncle but wanted to do better. We asked him for lunch and he turned up two hours late with no apology.

When he had his own child I sent gifts and cards and first birthday and Christmas with no response.

I gave up. Never see him or talk to him and probably won’t until our Father dies.

My advice would be not waste your precious time. It isn’t on you to try and maintain a one sided relationship.

I think that's a really harsh assumption that your sister-in-law wanted the limelight. As someone who's had a lot of fertility issues and losses, I have kids now but I admit that I still sometimes feel resentful of people who seem to have managed to do it so easily. And it's not about me getting attention, it's just envy at them enjoying their pregnancies and not having to spend the whole time terrified of loss again, and missing the whole experience of surprising your partner with a positive test instead of him knowing you might be pregnant because you've been at the clinic and spent a fortune which isn't sweet or fun. I would expect that that's probably more what made her a little bitchy.

I think you're making a big leap in assuming she doesn't like your child. It sounds like she's either an extremely self centered person (which you'd have already known) or there's a particular issue keeping her at arms length.

Without knowing more, I'd guess that she's either having fertility issues of her own, or she was really freaked out by what happened at 24 weeks and is now just putting distance between herself and a situation that frightened her. In either case, she might not understand herself why she's feeling avoidant and cold.

Just talk to her about how she's feeling.

Exactly this !!!! It's your SISTER ..... you would expect her to give a damn that you and the baby could have died !!! Nothing to do with her being childless in my opinion.. and everything to do with her being uncaring and emotionally stilted. I'd have to pull back if I were you. You've tried. Just enjoy your lovely baby and accept it's her loss. You don't need that garbage as a new mum. If she contacts you, fine, reply politely, but I wouldn't give her any more than that. Stick to those who do care. I'm glad you and the baby are well now.

In my experience, lack of interest in siblings children has been motivated by either:

1. jealousy of the fact that you have kids and they don’t, for whatever reason (e.g. struggling to find someone to have them with), or
2. jealousy at losing attention from your child’s grandparents/new baby grabbing all the attention.

Some adults are incredibly self centred and immature main character types. Never ceases to amaze me.

People have said about maybe she doesn't do babies or kids, that's just rubbish, I'm sorry but it's not about the baby, she was like it before your baby was born, if you were close sisters before you became pregnant then there is something wrong, she may not be concerned about the baby but she would be about her sister.
My sister in law was trying for a baby for ages and had ivf, she finally became pregnant and she used to talk to me until she found out that I was pregnant as well and then the bitchy comments started because the limelight wasn't on her anymore, maybe your sister is trying to get pregnant and she sees that you have done the same, that's no excuse just a reason, I would just leave things how they are, don't contact her anymore and don't put your self out to try and male things right, all the time you try she doesn't bother with you, maybe if you backed off she would start to realise and make contact with you.
I hope you are your baby are okay, and I hope things work out for you

She sounds emotionally immature. I would pull back, I think.

Absolutely this.

The family dynamics change when you're the first sibling to have kids. It's not always easy for the younger siblings. It can bring up lots of different feelings for the siblings who haven't yet had kids or don't want them, or don't know if they will be able to have them.

Feeling left out/excluded because everyone else is focused on new baby. Parents often go into a "grandparent bubble" and forget to check in on their other children.
Feeling "left behind"
Not knowing the right things to say/do, especially if they don't have friends who have kids, haven't spent much time around babies
Re-evaluating their own lives/relationships/thinking about when or if they will have kids, if they want them, etc
Feelings about how their own relationship with their sibling will change. My sister, who I'd been more of a parent figure to, particularly because of a big age gap, really struggled with this.

I wouldn't be too harsh on her at this stage because everyone is finding their feet in different ways when a new baby comes along. Obviously if things don't change, it may be worth saying something, meeting up and mentioning that you feel there's been a change in your relationship since you had the baby and you want to understand what's going on. But if she isn't willing to talk or engage, then maybe that's the point you need some distance.

What a drip feed!!!

Wow, some of the responses on here! You can not like kids and still care that your sister nearly died.

I think you should step back and match her energy.

I totally agree about some people not liking babies or being interested in kids, but this just sounds like she care much about the OP full stop.

She's her sister. I'd do what contact you can manage OP
.

All the people here saying she's just not a baby person. I despair

She's not a basic human empathy or decency person. Her behavior is shocking.

I'd just not get in touch with her anymore op. She clearly does not GAF.

Why don't you simply ask her what is causing this distance between you? Instead of reaching out to strangers, just speak to her.
No-one can second guess what's up with her. Just ask. Then you will know.