To think my life is too grown up for my age?

Are you happy? That’s all that matters!

Nobody is right or wrong, this is just the funny thing about being in your 20’s. I’m in my 20’s and am married with a mortgage and a baby, I have friends onto their 2nd and 3rd child, I have friends just graduating uni, I have friends celebrating engagements and pregnancies and I also have friends doing a season in Ibiza, backpacking around Thailand and going to every festival under the sun. We’re all the same age, but we all have very different lives and are at different stages of our lives, none of us are wrong we are just all doing what we want to do! If you’re unhappy with your life you have the power to change it, but if you are happy with your life then don’t let comparing make you feel something is wrong.

Are you living the life you want to live?
Is it your choice or influenced by your partner?

The thing i would say is that you never get the chance to be young and free again -clubbing, flat sharing and backpacking etc are different when you are older (even if you do them) partly because the volume of people your own age doing the same thing is big, you have more energy etc. You may never have the opportunity to do some of the things again whilst the stuff you are doing you can do at any stage
But as a pp said its not binary - you do the bits you want to.

I felt like this in my 20s, I got a mortgage at 19 and whilst everyone else was at home living with mum and dad and out partying I was paying a mortgage and working an extra part time job at the weekends. fast forward 15 years I am mid 30s, all my friends are settled with children. I have no children and I am much more secure and free to do things I really want to do. Travel but stay in nicer places, go to music concerts etc. Your path is yours and as long as you are happy where you are and where you are heading you are doing the right thing for you. Just make sure you take time to enjoy the now, thats the only thing I wish I did. I really wish I could say to my younger self 'you have nothing to prove by working all hours, saving every penny and not having a life'

I got a rare form of cancer at 33, it changed my outlook, I was very lucky and caught it early but it does smack you in the face and make you realise if you havent spent enough time enjoying the now.

Are you happy?

You're both living age appropriate lives in my opinion, the only thing is you should make sure you also have time for the things that you enjoy. That goes for any age, not just in your 20s. Don't infantalise your friend's life, there are many different ways to live your life.

Unless you are a potential Apprentice Contestant

Your life sounds perfectly normal to me. There are plenty of people who only do clubbing when at uni. In my generation - early 60s - there were so few clubs and no real clubbing culture where I studied. Going out was pub, cinema and so on.

Lots of my contemporaries married and had kids almost straight after uni. We definitely didn’t want that. Doing some living first did involve marriage and buying property and going out.

This is unusual nowadays though

In fact the more I think about it a lot of people I know already have children at 24. Your life sounds quite nice op for all you know your friend could also secretly be wishing her life was more like yours.
Is there anything stopping you going to festivals and backpacking with friends if you want to

Is your friend single? That makes a big difference.

Are you doing some travelling already or just saving for deposit and to be able to travel? If you’re not travelling I think you should - it’s good to save but you should also have a bit of fun.

If you’re happy in your relationship then I’m not sure why you feel you have to live the flatshare/festival lifestyle. If you’re not happy and think he’s in a different life stage to you then that’s another story.

If you and your partner are happy, great! And if your friend is happy, also great. I’d be a little concerned about your tiredness at your age, if it’s becoming an issue maybe get your iron checked? I’m in my 30s with a toddler, and I rarely feel the need to go to bed that early.

Single simple question really. Are you happy? Believe me its all that matters.

Unless you are working a job that requires you to be in London, e.g. pays extremely well (150k+), or fulfills a personal passion (working on west end), then you will probably much happier not living there.

She hasn't said what time she starts work or did I miss that?

There's something wrong if you finish work at that time and just want to go home and sleep.

When I was in my 20s I worked those kinds of hours and I'd do the food shop, go to the gym and cook dinner after and just be a normal amount of tired. I'm in my 30s and work longer hours now and save the gym for weekends, but there's no way I'd want to go to sleep that early. I'm still working at 10pm.

Have you thought about reviewing your diet, or maybe your commute/work from home?

I’m in my fifties, some of my mates from school still likes festivals. I have never had a desire to go to one as I despise camping and portable loos so have never been to one.

At that age I was ruddy knackered working for the NHS and living in a flat I was buying.

Is your mate single? I think that’s the difference at any age you have to consider you partner. It doesn’t mean you have to not do anything it’s just that there needs to be consideration. If your life is because it is what you partner and not you want that’s an issue at any age.

But it’s what you like that matters, what others like is irrelevant.

Here is a good example of a great disconnect as to what people like. My mate was off to the yacht club for a Bollinger afternoon. It was a limitless champagne and canapés soirée for 2 hours. You had to be a member though could take guests. I had been visiting her and she was very disappointed I had to be back for work so couldn’t come along. I’m thinking thank God I have to be home.

If your friend is single, that’s going to make a difference, IMO.

Personally, even when I married at 25, I was relieved to be out of the whole clubbing/meat market scene.

Well do you WANT to be be backpacking and doing festivals? I went back packing in my mid 20s but after that I was definitely ready for a more settled lifestyle. You need to just focus on what you enjoy in life rather than what you perceive a 24 year old should be doing. Also your partner is 4 years older, not a big age gap I know but by late 20s myself and DH were pretty over clubbing etc so that may be a factor as well 🤷‍♀️

there isn't a right or wrong but some things are easier to do when young aka saving for a deposit pre commitment. the timing of a few years can matter. I bought in 2019 pre pandemic) when there were 2% mortgage rates interest rates. If i had gotten furloughed during the pandemic (I didn't but happened to lots of people), another 2 years I wouldn't have been able to buy. Then interest rates surged in 2022

I bought in London, a 1930s flat where the price has barely shifted but I would struggle much more to buy today due to interest rates doubling. Its only ok now cos i have been paying off the mortgage ofr 5 years so lower principal. In other parts of the UK, prices have surged and what was possible in 2019 is no longer possible now. in fact i was shocked when i shared my trajectory on mumsnet and other PP ran the sums for me, and said what i did in 2019 to buy a 400k property would only be viable for a couple earning 130k combined. We don't even earn that today, we earn 121k combined in 2024, and earned around 50k less in 2019

Same - although I liked the out night clubbing but only about as often as OP, and never had the money for festivals or a super active social life. I had DC1 at 24 and so my lifestyle changed again then too, but it was what we wanted. Wouldn't change anything. Early 30s now and expecting DC3.

What?? I'm younger than you and already have children haha

It sounds like you and your friend have slightly different priorities and that’s OK! I think there’s a lot of pressure in your twenties to be having fun all the time. I also think the fact you’re living with a partner differentiates your priorities from your friend’s.

I worked hard in my twenties and built a career for myself. Life doesn’t suddenly stop at thirty - there’s still plenty of time for travel/festivals etc.

Why not pick one place you’d like to visit and plan a trip there for next year? Or, even better, plan a girls trip! They can be harder to do in your thirties when people are getting married/pregnant etc so make the most of your friends’ free time in your twenties.

Agree with others, it's about if you are happy or not. I was never into the being out all the time lifestyle and was happy settled in a relationship in my 20s. Had babies and then now I'm older I have a good social life.
It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing

I was married with a baby at 25 and it was the most content/happy/fulfilled I had been! Whereas lots of people would be horrified at that thought.

It would be very boring if we all liked the same things.

Totally depends on whether you're happy!!

I am 16 years older than you, I LOVE my social life. i work hard, do my horses twice a day then we go out a few time a week after for food, coffee, etc. We do a lot of events and things together throughtout a year, at least once a month too.

i couldnt just work and go home every day, that's my idea of hell and it took a while to find a DP that felt the same! My ex just wanted to chill of an eve whilst i'd be climbing the walls to go do something.