To think nosey mums at the school gates shouldn't be asking me about my family planning?

Well, it’s either that or the weather, so ………
Look, she doesn’t care about the answer. She doesn’t care if you have one kid or fifty and she likely won’t even recall your answer so you are overthinking that aspect. Maybe other ‘kid topics’ that interest you don’t interest her, so she sticks to the safe stuff which is the weather or something obvious in front of her that is not the weather, which is pretty obviously something you try to avoid as it indicates you really don’t care.

@Starlight7080

Yet some people just love talking about that stuff

Urgh yes I hate people who go straight in with questions about your family, your marriage the first time they talk to you. Apart from being potentially intrusive it also implies that that’s the only thing women have to talk to each other about.

Prying and unimaginative.

She's being friendly just tell her you don't like people and want to be left alone that should get rid of her

Sorry, yes - yabu. Why are people so desperate to be offended by everything?

For most people:

OK question: would you like a big family?
Not ok: what sexual position did you conceived with?

You are definately over reacting. That's a normal conversation that millions of people have every day.

God, it can be exhausting as people are so easily offended. How on earth do you expect other people to know what is off limits for you to talk about?

School gate small talk, she's not actually remotely interested in how many kids you have. Respond with suitably vague 'couldn't think of any more at the moment ha ha ha'.

I have three boys and always get asked if I'm going to try for a girl ' ha ha ha, I've already got my hands full'.

Just things people say.

Asking a non- pregnant parent if an only child if they plan to have any more is completely different to asking a visibly pregnant woman about to have a second whether they are thinking about having even more kids. Very few people ever get upset about not being able to have a third child.

Perhaps asking about holidays is a sensitive topic for some people...

That's a normal mum question. No-one really likes it. It is nosy .
I'm well into my 40s with teens and still get of my sil when am I going to have another.
I could not make it more clear I don't want more . Yet some people just love talking about that stuff

She's just making conversation, I'm sure she genuinely doesn't give a shit about how many kids you want or have.

If it's a conversation you don't feel like having just respond non committal and redirect like.. oh we haven't really decided yet.. . Did you see the notice about x? (Did you see it will rain all week etc) or ask we haven't really decided yet what about you?

When a school mum friend of mine was pregnant with no four. I gave her a hug and said congratulations and she burst into tears and told me "you are the first to congratulate me everyone else is going "What another one" few years later when I was expecting no 4 I experienced the same thing.

Everyone is different. My last 2 children are IVF and I've got a big gap between the first and the last 2 but I've never been offended by the "are you having more" etc questions. I've never minded chatting openly about things but if I didn't want to engage, there are many ways to shut down the conversation without being rude.

There's being nosy and just trying to make conversation. I find mostly it's the latter and people don't really care about your answers, they're just trying to pass some time and look interested.

I get that some people are over sensitive about certain things but it would be a shame if everyone just stood in silence, too afraid to talk about anything in case they were hitting a nerve.

I think you're overreacting. It was small talk and I'm sure she doesn't care either way.

People are so bloody sensitive.
She's just making small talk. You say
'Let's see how er get on with this one first!'
If you don't want to give an actual answer.

I don’t suffer from the standard phobia of “school gate mums” on here and have no problem with people making small talk.

But I think asking people about their fertility and family planning is breathtakingly stupid and insensitive.

The risk of it being a tricky subject is sky high. Who would do that?

@peppermintteacup I agree with you that some of those topics are very private, but to others they openly talk about them with anyone that will listen. I suppose what people deem to be a private topic is individual.

As a manager at work I have so many times over the years has to try and manage situations where someone has got offended at something that someone else thought was completely innocuous.
We are all different and some people just do take offence and get angry at anything.
I used to be in a group for twin parents. There was a woman there who was angry that someone had said ‘Oooh which is the evil one?’ .
It’s just one of the five basic things people say when they see twins. The rest of us were all a bit embarrassed for her.
School friend mums have been so incredibly important to me over the years and those friendships started with chatting at pick up.
Am now conscious that some people don’t want their obvious pregnancies referred to and some would probably be offended if I didn’t mention it 😭.

exactly. Some people here have no concept of boundaries and appropriate small talk.

Normal question to make conversation and not stand there silent. Yabu

I wouldn’t ask someone I wasn’t close with about their family planning-I’m also third trimester and I don’t even like strangers asking about my pregnancy. I had a late miscarriage with my first pregnancy, and I find the question “is it your first” very upsetting, I never know whether to say it’s my 2nd pregnancy but first to get to this stage. You’re perfectly reasonable to be upset. You just have to decide whether to be honest - I’ve been trying to be honest as I think people need to learn the honest answer. Especially people that haven’t experienced miscarriages or fertility difficulties

I grew up 'knowing' it's not acceptable to discuss potential pregnancies as I was adopted, so knew it can be sensitive, or maybe also as I'm old - no politics, sex or religion - I too can view asking about pregnancy to effectively asking if someone is planning sex again tbh OP.
I recall being seen as a pregnancy not a person too which can be depressing and some people do think it's ok to ask anything and everything about them - I just got to being able to roll my eyes internally- especially at the school gates which can be a really weird place.
It amazes me how folk assume stuff - recently it's been assumed I am also racist by a neighbour I don't really know, because I'm white of a certain age I guess, and in 2021 assumed I'd agree covid is a hoax by a complete randomer in a shop queue but happening to be the week after one of my parents passed away from it. I do respond to racist views if I can without being aggressive in those circumstances, but the rest I just go mmm non commitally. I guess society and interactions have changed and people feel more free to ask personal questions and comment on their personal opinions openly - perhaps this is also a good thing in some ways.
I do agree with you OP that it's intrusive and an inappropriate topic, but I also do think she was just making conversation too without much thought, so whilst in my opinion rude I would try to not ponder on it - as I said people can be odd and also awkward, particularly at school pick up where you're forced together with a group of non friends trying to pass the time.

I beg your pardon? I wasn’t desperate to be offended - I’d lost several pregnancies and it is wholly unacceptable for someone to ask me if I’m trying for another when they have no idea what we’ve been through.

Surely it’s pretty obvious that you don’t ask people about whether they’re having or having more children?

OP, I think you are pregnant and taking things the wrong way. Just chill. She was asking a normal question.

this is called idle chit chat.

has the whole world become constantly offended?!