Child free people-Why do *Some people who are parents get annoyed at them?

@MrsSunshine2b It isn’t bad behaviour but neither does it make someone a bad person for wanting to avoid it. I have severe misophonia and being in an enclosed space with a person who won’t stop screaming is painful for me. For that reason, I would like it if childfree flights existed, so that I could try to minimise the possibility of me sharing a plane with a baby or toddler.

It doesn’t mean I hate kids or want to ban them from public spaces or deny their right to exist, or that I’m super-intolerant of them.

"Badly behaved" is also a bit vague. People complain when a toddler crying on a flight because their ears are hurting and they're overwhelmed, but that's not "bad behaviour" that's completely normal behaviour and it doesn't mean no toddler or family with a toddler should have the right to travel by air. It's fair to expect children to behave reasonably for their age but they can't pretend to be adults. Going out is how they learn to grow into adults.

as others have said 'public spaces' is a bit vague
expecting to go to a park or restaurant midday on saturday and not see kids = obviously completely unreasonable
being told to watch your language in a pub on a friday night because there are kids there = unreasonable.

also in most cases where people complain about children being in public spaces they are referring to badly behaved children. Children sitting quietly in theatre/cinema/restaurant, whether interacting with their parents/watching the performance/on their tablet (with sound off or headphones) - great, lovely. Children running around screaming, talking through the show or watching peppa fucking pig at full volume = annoying and yep they shouldn't be there if they can't behave. Same as adults, really.

Child-free and hostile to children are different things.

Agree. I'd only add that being a parent doesn't mean being lovely to, or liking, all children. Parents post on MN all the time saying dreadful things about other people's kids, or say they only like their own. It just never gets remarked on. Whereas it's automatically assumed that all childfree people hate kids.

I've noticed so many threads and comments which aren't kind about kids but are posted by parents get derailed with posters falling over themselves to describe the poster as childfree. Even when the post literally says "I'm a parent but..."

By the way I do think adult only spaces should b3 available to those who want them. .

I agree, and actually we were discussing this at work the other day and a lot of parents said they’d like adult only spaces to use when they don’t have the kids with them.

It depends on the type of space. I think it’s completely reasonable for restaurants & pubs to be over 16s only after a certain time.

Child-free and hostile to children are different things. Lots of child-free people manage to still be lovely to children and not go around ranting about what an imposition it is to have to pay taxes towards education and subsidised childcare and to have to put up with children in society.

I don”t know any childfree people who do this. Most of us are happy to contribute our taxes to the education, health and welfare of children. What annoys us is the “our children will be paying your pensions/wiping your arse when you’re old” comments, as though we are social freeloaders by not having children.

By the way I do think adult only spaces should b3 available to those who want them. .

I don't think anyone should have children unless they want them.
However, I do think that it's everyone's responsibility to contribute to giving children a positive start in life, considering we'll all rely on them one day.
And I get annoyed when people think that they deserve for public spaces to be child-free because they don't like children.
Child-free and hostile to children are different things. Lots of child-free people manage to still be lovely to children and not go around ranting about what an imposition it is to have to pay taxes towards education and subsidised childcare and to have to put up with children in society.
I have no idea if Seth Rogen did this.

This. I’m happily married but I’m not arrogant enough to pity those who are single or think they actually want my life.

It's even more fun being child free in a child centred job! I am a primary teacher and was told once that I will never be a good teacher until I have children of my own.
I have various reasons why I have not had my own children but I spend the bulk of my time surrounded by them. Sometimes parents are surprised to hear I don't have children but they often give that wry smile when I say after a day at school I like to go home to my child free house!

Also lack of imagination.

I can look at someone with kids & be deeply thankful it’s them not me, but that doesn’t mean I pity them. I assume they’re happy with their choices.

Yeah it's weird isn't it! The only reason I can think of is insecurity in their own decisions and choices which means it gives them some relief to assume others are missing out.

We don’t know what we’re missing, you see.

@Femme2804 I just don't understand the rationale behind pitying someone for not having something that they don't actually want to have!

I pity people who can’t possibly imagine that other people make perfectly valid and enjoyable life choices that don’t involve children.

But it's a bit weird to pity people for not having something they don't want?

And maybe these people who "don't deserve to have a child" (as you put it) didn't want kids at all and people like you telling them they'd never experience the greatest love in the world is why they had kids, even though they didn't think they wanted them?

Rather than pitying them, maybe you should be happy that they're confident in their choices.

of course i’m pity them. I’m acting of my pity not only talk. Forget to mentioned i’m also a foster parents for 10 years old plus. Been foster parents for 3 years now. I’m here to give my opinion about childfree not about parents who dont deserve to have a child.

I do know exactly what you mean as some people with children do seem to be inexplicably annoyed by people who choose to have children and that’s something I just can’t really get my head around. Personally the only time I’ve been annoyed by comments is when someone who is child free makes weirdly smug comments like;
’oh I’m so glad I can do what I want’ which always annoyed me because I didn’t say they should do any different and I am doing what I want, I wanted children and now I have children and I’m happy with my choice
’I wouldn’t want to bring a child into this awful world’ well, okay? And you haven’t, but by saying that it implies that those of us who have are selfish or stupid or something
It is only a few who’ve made comments like that to be fair, although one acquaintance in particular seems determined to snipe and bitch every time I see her.
Ultimately the world would be better all round if people just made their choices and shut up about other peoples.

I dont annoyed with child free people but i’m bit pity them, because they will never experience the greatest love in the world.

Don't waste your pity on the electively child free @Femme2804 . We are honestly having the best time. What's the greatest love in the world to one person is another persons unbearable and thankless tie.

I'm really glad for you that you have this amazing singular love for your child, but I think it's a shame your world view is so narrow that you can't imagine other people not having the same emotional responses as you.

You only need to watch the news (or frankly, skim the relationships board on here!) to see that not everyone gets that experience of parenthood... I think you'd be better off reserving your pity for the parents who have had kids and don't love them like you love yours, or more importantly - save your pity for the kids of those parents!

Society pretty much does tell women that they need children.

Which is stupid. If you ‘need’ children you’ll presumably feel that need & take steps to have them, if you can.

Society pretty much does tell women that they need children.

Some women and men know they don't need children. Chris Packham when asked why he didn't have children replied, 'Because I didn't need to'. That's a good enough answer.

I didn't need children. I only had one life and I didn't want them. I wasn't going to sacrifice my entire life doing something I actively didn't want to to ensure the birth rate didn't plummet.

I genuinely don't care if the birth rate plummets and, when I look around at the state we are in and the mess we've made of this world and the environment I think a plummeting human birth rate would be an excellent thing.

🤦🏼‍♀️ ….

It's just another way for people to criticise women.

I've had shitty comments when child free - 'you never know love like it!'

I've actually had worse comments after having a child - is it awful? Do you regret having your son? You've aged! I bet you hate it don't you? Etc.'

It's a small annoying minority on both sides.

It's a resounding example of how rooted in sexism the whole thing is, too. Does anyone ever say that sort of shit to men? No, it's women who are supposed to be having children, who are Failing Womaning if we choose not to, and will be punished one way or another.