DH called me a pathetic b****

Except DS went looking for one…

She never said the kid asked for a cake.

Clearly the kid asked for a cake. And she told them they tasted like shit and she binned them.

OP said ‘DS and DH aren't particularly fond of cakes so wouldn't have eaten them.’

The cupcakes were left to OP to dispose of? Nobody needed to dispose of them so soon. OP didn’t like them and decided to bin them before anyone else got a look in.

I’m also team husband I won’t lie, I’m already thinking what he said, and he’s living with it,

So you started the name calling and nastiness, not him. He didn't call you a bitch out of nowhere. I expect you were just telling it like it is huh. Apparently though he's not allowed to tell it like it is, just you. And I expect the neighbours have dealt with more instances of your rudeness and this was the last straw. You've hurt your son, alienated your ILs, alienated your neighbours and hurt your DH with your behaviour, but that's all just people being wet and you should be able to say whatever nasty thing you think is the truth. You don't know if DS would have found the cupcakes bad. Someone is not wet because they don't want to be rude and nasty to other people. Your opinion is just your opinion and not some magical absolute truth you should batter all the people around you with.

You called your husband “wet” because he suggested being considerate of others’ feelings? wow

I don't think DH even knew about them, the son bought them home and OP threw them in the bin before anyone else had a chance to have any.

She was rude to throw the cakes away, she was rude to call her husband 'wet' for voicing an opinion on how it would have been better handled in a more tactful manner. He is obviously angry that the son is being punished for what he describes as repeated negative and unnecessarily critical behaviour from her towards others.

I suspect OP feels stifled because her husband wants her to be more considerate and she just wants to tell everyone "like it is", it is quite clear from her posts that OP obviously thinks her opinion is the only opinion that matters, otherwise she wouldn't have binned the cakes in the first place.

Repeatedly behaving in a way that alienates and isolates your partner and child from their family, friends and neighbours is abusive.

Your behaviour was abusive, you then called him names on top of that, and he reacted. That doesn't make him abusive, it's still you.

While calling you a bitch is unacceptable it seems as though your responses to different situations are difficult for him. You have already said there have been difficulties with his family.

I expect he now sees your responses to situations being extended to your child who has now lost a playmate. Is it possible he sees a pattern starting here? I would expect that there have been other instances that have been overlooked prior to the cake incident.
It was very rude of you to throw the cakes away thereby preventing your husband and son from making their own choices and reaching their own conclusions. Very controlling behaviour.
I feel sorry for your son. No doubt the other family will speak to their friends about your behaviour. They will certainly be on alert and possibly more aware of any interactions with you and this could impact your son. This is something your husband seems to be reacting to.

They’re OP’s own words, she said she feels stifled by him and that she feels they’re ill suited.

And the cup cakes were left to her to dispose of. He could have sorted it and told his son.

Some serious over reaching going on there @Tellysavelas

Think it’s pretty awful to behave that way when someone does something nice and especially if they’re gifting you something they made.

You should have disposed of them and created a white lie. Children talk

I wasn't going to mention it on thread.. but it did make me consider sending some cupcakes round to all the neighbours just in case any were feeling generous!

And the behaviour some people think it justifies. Honesty as a weapon and you're supposed to take it and not say anything because it's the truth.

Sounds like OP has had enough of him.

She’s realised they’re ill suited and she feels stifled by him so she should leave him.

He can find another ‘pathetic bitch’ to clean up after him.

You should have the decency to apologise to everybody. Just hold your hand up, you made a stupid decision and should regret it.

I'm not sure on overall dynamics in your relationship, but on this scene, I am with your DH 🤔 however, I don't not agree with the horrible name-calling...but maybe, this is typically how you BOTH argue? If not, that's a separate issue that needs dealing with.

Why couldn't your child decide for themselves? You can still limit how many🤷‍♀️ birds are getting pretty hungry this time of year 😉

White lie: the cat/dog got to them first...I dropped them in the washing up bowl when putting in cupboard...daddy ate them thinking they were for him...or,

"I smelt them and wasn't sure if a flavour you would like offer, decides they're not nice hmm, what do you think we should say IF asked? We don't want to hurt their feelings, they've clearly gone to the effort of baking them for you - how about we put them outside for the birds and if we see them, just say 'thank you'?" Do not mention how lovely they were 😉 just incase more appear.

Yes you were being honest (I would probably voice my distaste to my DH and let him try 😉, but not my young child!), but surely you've learnt children have a thing for blurting out before they consider their audience 🙄 You didn't pause for a second to consider nor teach your child the act of being diplomatic or the joy in sharing food/Interest with another, even if not to their liking (I find too much talk of cars boring, but you bet I'll listen to and share in my child's enthusiasm when sharing the latest spec of his favourite car!) 😐 as your friend that knows you, I might chuckle, feel embarrassed or call you a "cheeky bitch"...this mum clearly isn't experienced or welcoming in your version of 'honesty' and instead chose to extend the 'f off' to you, and your child. I'm not sure if I would necessarily take it out on your child (I would assume being influenced by others 👀) but unless pushed by my child, I likely wouldn't encourage another visit and would distance myself from you 🤷‍♀️ mainly because it could become obvious, the apple may not fall far from the tree cough

No loss to you though is it, 'wet' person eradicated...your child however has missed a life lesson and a playmate.

😂😂😂

Ive realised I put buy them a car - meant card, im sure a free car would sweeten you throwing away their cupcakes...

Is it any worse than -
“Mike, I can’t believe you’re getting upset over something so trivial, you’re being a dickhead”
“Tom, you’re using porn when I asked you not to, stop being an arsehole!”
”Andy, what’s wrong with you? You never tell your wife she’s put on weight after having your children, don’t be a wanker!”

Ah, you’re one of those people who takes pride in telling it like it is and who starts every sentence with ‘I’m not being funny, but…’

If the name calling is a new thing, it sounds like he is rapidly reaching the end of his tether with you. Completely unacceptable, of course, but indicative that he doesn’t hold you in very high regard. I’d ask yourself what you want for the future. Do you actually want to stay married? Because you sound like your relationship is miserable for you both and you’re both behaving really badly. Does he speak to you like this in any other respect? Do you feel like you’re repeating your mum’s behaviour? Do you even like each other? At the very least, you need some marriage counselling. Somewhere where you can both say how you’re feeling and discover whether he’s an abusive arse who won’t let you express yourself, or you’re so draining to live with that he can’t stand you for another minute. Personally, I think it might be a combination of the two.

God only knows what your kids are learning from this dynamic.

OP should apologise to neighbours and tell them her son is on a diet or has sugar in blood, GP has told you he’s developing diabetes etc.., (insert your fav excuse) and to keep him happy you lied to him and told him you binned them but in reality you hid them in a pantry and enjoyed them for tea with the husband. Tell them they were delicious and thank you so much for them.

How frustrating for your husband. He clearly sees the behaviours your mum modelled for you and doesn’t want the same to happen to DS.

You sound very difficult. It is actually really embarrassing to have a family member who constantly has to ‘tell it like it is’. The majority of people want to get along with their neighbours, local school etc., not fall out with everyone. If you’re not careful whenever people think of your family they will think of how rude you are and how uncomfortable it makes people. That’s so unfair on your DH and DS.

Have you ever genuinely considered that your inane opinions on cupcakes etc are not that important? You know you can sometimes just smile and have a nice day rather than drag everything down.