DH called me a pathetic b****

Why didn’t you just let your son and husband decide for themselves if they weren’t nice before just chucking them away? And then telling you son that? Not the smartest thing to do.
your DH overreacted though, sounds like not a great relationship anyway.

Absolutely

It's not a nice way to speak to your spouse. I do get that he might be worried about your behaviour and the behaviour your child could be picking up from you making your child more isolated. Ideally you have a constructive discussion about that sort of thing.

Oh no!!
As you live you learn and parents all have to do it fast for the sake of their children. Never ever say anything bad about anyone except if you would be ok defending it in front of the person…coz it will happen!

Honestly you need to take the blame here and explain to your child that it was indeed your fault and that you should never have done that and apologize to him.

Your hubby was out of order the way he spoke but then if you can’t understand that…I would have been pretty miffed too so maybe calling abuse when he was mad you put his child and you both in that situation is a bit mehhh…
By all means if he does that all year round…but if it is linked to these kind of situations…He should work on his language but I understand the why…

Sorry op. It happens to all of us. Just hang in there 🌺

My partner and I have been together for 30 years and have not shouted or sworn at each other. We both like a quiet life.

I’m a bit gobsmacked at the amount of people clutching their pearls at spouses swearing at each other and saying it ‘should never happen’. Methinks all those people have either not been married long,or are telling little white lies themselves,or they live in Stepford….😂

@Sodthebloodymealplan To me, “you pathetic bitch” hits just as hard whether whispered, sighed, hissed or screamed. As to whether she is a reliable narrator, I tend to give the OP of any thread the benefit of the doubt. Life is too short to spend time picking holes through a stranger’s story.

The neighbours reaction is what makes me think there's more going on here.

There is also another bit missing, the ops kid has been banned from the neighbours house, that doesn’t happen because he said the cakes weren’t nice so mum binned them. So something else was said.

Of course calling someone wet has the same level of disrespect. It implies that they have no backbone or integrity and that as an individual they are mentally weak or inferior. It’s something a person says to undermine a persons personality or self confidence and assert dominance. It’s frankly a disgusting thing to say to someone you’re meant to love. He is equally wrong for calling her a pathetic bitch but if someone had insulted me in such a manner for saying they shouldn’t have done something that has my son upset I’d probably in retaliation call them a bitch because her actions were nasty or ‘bitchy’ and the fact she called him pathetic for having an opinion that most people in this thread have agreed with is a pathetic attempt at trying to undermine him. I also agree with your last sentence.

How, exactly, did this escalate into a shouting match between you and DH?

Whilst I entirely agree with your last sentence, I am not convinced by the tone you put on the argument.
I can also picture an alternative, bearing in mind this discussion must have occured after the son got banned from next door for being as honest blunt as OP.

H (starts out confused because his son is sad): why didn't you just say all the cupcakes got eaten?
OP: don't be so wet. They were inedible. Why do I need to lie to DS?
H: come on, he's a child, you should have been able to work out he would probably tell them and they might be hurt.
OP: oh for goodness sake, stop being so ridiculous. Not everybody is as sensitive as you.
H (now starting to get angry): why are you always such a bitch to me? It's pathetic. You do this every time I try to suggest that there are times when discretion might be more helpful.

Probably with several other steps in between, given that OP describes it escalating from her calling him wet. But, because she despises him for being soft(er than her), she hears it 'he called me a pathetic bitch' and comes to MN to bitch about him. She does not come across to me as an entirely reliable narrator.

Without actually being in the room, it is impossible to know what tone of voice he said it in. My version might be correct, so might yours. Either way, I can't see this relationship lasting.

I wasn’t talking about you, I was talking about the other poster who I replied to that you’d quoted from if that makes sense.

Sorry. Yes of course, STALE!!! 🤣

That would certainly be one hell of a drip feed. 😁

How on earth is pretending to your son that your just ate all the cakes "letting people walk all over you". If DH is used to you just tramping all over everything and everyone in your size 9s with a "I tell it like it is" attitude then he's probably fed up to the back teeth with you being nasty and this is probably the straw the broke the camels back. So he's flipped and told you what he thinks of you.

I think that perhaps you're that friend that everyone cringes about how offensive you are without caring about others feelings. Choosing to not upset people with your opinion is poles apart from letting them walk all over you. Maybe consider whether your directness has gradually evolved into nastiness.

Okey doke.

Op you are obviously not very diplomatic you have upset your neighbours and now your poor son is not welcome there any longer, we'll done, no wonder your DH has lost patience with you.

You pathetic bitch. Say it out loud. You can almost taste the venom. Regardless of whether or not you should have told your DS (you know you shouldn’t have), there is no respect left in this marriage if your husband can say those words to you so easily. Calling someone “wet” doesn’t quite have the same level of nastiness. Based on your posts, it’s clear that he truly does think you’re a pathetic bitch and you think he’s wet. Do yourselves both a favour and call time on this destructive marriage.

I don’t think you were you little wind up merchant you 🫶 we know she threw them away because she thought they were vile - why would she give her son cupcakes that she thought tasted bad even if he wanted them? You don’t need to wonder any harder than “OP thought the cakes were vile”.

You really should not have told anyone that you threw them away. Why did you?

Was it just that you didn't like them, or is it the giver you don't like? Did they taste odd, or were you just not in the mood for cake that time? You could have done something with them, in a trifle, perhaps.

You threw them away without asking others to try them: why? Do you always judge something on what you think?

I remember some time ago that we went to a church service when the Church of England had announced a survey they wanted to make. After the service I asked the Churchwarden where they were. She replied: ''I didn't think they were suitable for our church''. I said that 'I would prefer to decide that for myself.'

Is it wise of you to decide your DS & DH have no say in the matter, that their opinions don't count?

Perhaps it would be wiser to ask them to sample them and tell you what they think of the neighbour's cooking?

No I was just wondering why she’d throw them away if she thought he might actually want to eat them.

Thanks, but I’m not the OP

You’re trying to come up with a reason to justify why she told her son they were disgusting. But, no matter the scenario, there really was no need to. Especially if she knew he would pass it on. Struggling to see why you’re having a hard time understanding? Excuse = justify. You can’t.

OP I used to be married to someone who was always negative. He was an energy vampire, and only thought his opinions were right. He also didn’t believe there was anything wrong in how he was. It ended our marriage.

Your dh was totally wrong to call you that however do you think he may have a point that you can be 'over critical' it's often been my experience that people who pride themselves on being a 'straight shooter' or not a walkover often just come across as rude.