DH called me a pathetic b****

Their son told them not the husband. Now neighbours are upset and don't want the boy to come over to play again.

When my son was around seven years old he was upset because the boy next door was being mean to him. He was really upset so I explained to him that it wasn’t his fault, the boy was unhappy because his dad was an alcoholic and sometimes not nice to be around. Some time later I was around their house when the dad turned up (he didn’t live there) and the boys were upstairs playing. Next thing I know the boy comes running downstairs and asks his dad if he’s an alcoholic! I have never felt so mortified.

Does he have form for swearing at you?

I think there’s a lesson to be learned about the cakes and one about your husband too. It was mean to bin them and horrible to call you a bitch. With this and your ds being banned, there’s a lot of drama all round.

Sounds like none of you are able to think before you speak/act. You told DS the cakes were horrible - unnecessary and tactless. Husband called you a bitch - rude and nasty, even if that was what he thought in the moment he should have kept his mouth shut. DS told neighbours you didn't like the cakes. Again, tactless but he's only little and hasn't exactly got good role models when it comes to diplomacy.

I’d be more concerned with them learning that it’s ok to call your partner nasty names every time you get annoyed with each other.

Look, you could be one of those hugely negative people who have never got a nice word to say about anyone. And that must be bloody awful to live with if you are. But if that’s the case, then he either asks you to adjust your attitude with counselling or he leaves you. Calling you names is unacceptable and will cause just as much damage to your DC as listening to you be horrible about everyone. Neither of you sound like you’re aware of what your children are watching.

Well maybe she is

And maybe the cupcakes really were shite? 🤷‍♀️

There are no circumstances where my husband would call me a bitch. He especially wouldn't call me a bitch because of weird neighbour reactions. We are a team - he's my number one support and biggest fan and I his. Maybe consider binning the husband alongside the crap cupcakes.

Also - learn to fib to your children, a little white lie does no harm every now and again and can save blushes all round.

Yes, this. Why would you tell him? Besides, the kid presumably wanted one. Weird all around.

Well maybe she is - we don’t know her or her personality 🤷‍♀️ not saying it’s nice but now it’s impacting his son, it might have been the straw that broke the camel’s back for her DH. In fact her last reply only being about the cupcakes not being nice says a lot.

Ok, so the cakes weren't nice but couldn't you have accepted them in good grace & disposed of them discreetly? They were given in good faith so you were bad mannered in the way you handled the situation.

You mentioned that your mum is similar & your dh doesn't want his kids picking this up. Maybe he has a point although he shouldn't have called you names. Looks like both of you need to learn some effective social communication skills.

Whilst your husband should not have spoken to you or anyone like that, I am sorry, but throwing some cup cakes away and telling your son that you had done is awful! You were rude and I am not surprised your neighbours have taken the humph!

Exactly

@Here4thechocs son told them, not DH

The fact you haven't said why you told your son or how old he is suggests you are a complainer/negative person which is hard to live with. However, your DH shouldn't be calling you names.

An earthqake ?

If I was told by a child that their mother had thrown away my gift of homemade food I would honestly just laugh to myself and never mention it. If you choose to give people a gift it’s theirs to do what they want with…maybe they don’t like eating food made in other homes, maybe they don’t like it or have conflicting dietary requirements. Once you have handed it over it’s none of the gifter’s business. Now if your son had said it in a very rude, aggressive or taunting way that could be different, but presumably they would have explained that.

Your DH should not have called you that though, that sounds like he has an ongoing issue with resentment or anger that is a whole other story.

Sorry, but your husband sounds moronic. Why would he tell the neighbours what you did with the cakes , other than ate them, which you didn’t ?

Your husband shouldn't have called you that. But I think your throwing away the cupcakes is odd, especially as your son was asking where there were, clearly the cupcakes were wanted or he wouldn't have asked. As a neighbour I'd be offended too if my kind gesture was thrown in the bin and I was informed of it.

You started the whole thing, and if this is the level of rudeness you normally aspire to I'm not surprised they're at the end of their tethers with you.

If this was a kid gifted cupcakes and didn't like them the responses would all be, "teach your kid to be polite and grateful even if they aren't keen."

You should have said to your DH and your kid that there were cupcakes available with no other comment. If they didn't like them, you should have chucked them out for the birds or stuck them on a food sharing app. Not loudly complained about them and set off a whole load of other bullshit.

You're rude and ungrateful and you're attracting that energy back and then somehow think you're the nice one.

they didn't even get a chance to see them before they were binned!

To be fair, my kids aren’t huge on cake. Once in a blue moon, birthday or such but it wouldn’t be a first or second choice of treat. But there’s definitely something odd here, I’m not getting what was so bad about these cakes that they were not only thrown away after the op had a bite, but she had to openly tell her child what she did. Did they have dog shit icing instead of chocolate? Topped with cat litter rather than sugar sprinkles? What was so awful?

No excuse for name calling. Decide if DH is worth staying with or not.

I'd consider if he has a point about being negative and rude. Did you tell your son you threw the cupcakes out or you threw them out because they weren't nice? MIL recently bought some biscuits from a bakery and sent us home with them. I quietly told my husband they were quite bad (and they were selling them for money!) but didn't let the kids hear.

I'd lie to the neighbours about the cupcakes. Something like you ate most of them and threw out the last couple because they were "not nice" after a fly landed on them or the cat licked them. DS misunderstood what you told him.

Is anyone in this story supposed to be over the age of 8?