DH called me a pathetic b****

Wow. You should, maybe think of changing your username!

What a nasty bunch!

You are in the wrong for throwing the cakes away without letting your son at least try one. Very controlling of you to decide to throw his gift away.

Your husband is a disgusting and abusive man.

Your son is old enough to understand that the neighbours feelings would be hurt if he told them the cakes were thrown away.

The neighbours are spiteful for saying the boy is no longer welcome at theirs.

Sounds like some dreadful sink estate where you all give each other 'evils' when you see each other!

This is one of those threads were everyone seems to be on the “wrong”. Your neighbours shouldn’t have given you some shitty cupcakes but I’m sure they did it with the best of intentions, you shouldn’t have thrown them away, just leave them in a box and hopefully someone would have had a go at them, have them figure out for themselves the cupcakes were shit. Your husband is very wrong for calling you a pathetic biatch, just that I’m itself has more red flags than a commie parade (name calling is abuse). Your son should have never told your neighbours you threw them away (unless he’s 12 yo or under, then yeah.. he’s a kid… whateva). Your neighbours are insane for not letting your kid (who is not at fault here) go and visit them.

Everyone seems to hate each other 🤣

He shouldn't be name-calling over some cakes he's in the wrong for that but your equally in the wrong for telling your DS that you threw the cakes away that was rude and wrong and you should've known that if it got back to the neighbours they would be upset. YANBU about the name calling but YABU about throwing the cakes away and telling your son about it and acting surprised that the neighbours have got upset about it you knew that would happen if they found out.

That 'is' unreasonable not 'not unreasonable'.

Yup.

Well that is not unreasonable of your husband and an impossible request on his part and he was doing exactly what he doesn't want you to do but in this context, i.e you hadn't bought them yourself or made them and it was a kind gesture from the neighbour, I'm struggling to understand why you feel anything about the cup cakes other than, "that was nice of them". Weird display of ingratitude in front of your son over nothing at all really!

So your son went looking for the cupcakes that he was gifted by a friend, only to be told you'd chucked them. And now he can't go to that friend's house again to top it off. Poor child.

Well, you both sound nasty. You’re daft as well, the kid was bound to repeat what you told him.

What a tricky conundrum!!! You absolutely were being a bitch but it’s bad form for your husband to call you one. Maybe just draw a line under it. Oh and for the gazillionth time, how old is you son and why did you tell him that you’d thrown the cupcakes of doom away??? Perhaps we’ll never know…

Quite a few MN said “Thanks!”

you are also welcome

It’s a cupcake, can’t imagine they were that bad. To throw them out and tell your child was mean and seems like you might have form in this.

But your husband shouldn’t call you a bitch.

oh god I give up.

I think what you said was bitchy and to mention it to your DS that you'd thrown the cakes away. Your DH is understandably upset with you as you've now caused a problem for your DS as he is no longer welcome to visit his friends.

I don't think DH sounds especially moronic - I think you both sound pretty unpleasant with you being very critical of others and DH calling you names. I hope your DS does not pick up on this. It all sounds very messed up to me.

Yes, good idea. I would hotfoot it over there with some excuse about accidentally contaminating the cupcakes, to smooth things over.

I probably wouldn't have called you pathetic b. But would have at least queried if you are an idiot.

So you throw your son's cupcakes in the bin that were given by the neighbours because 'they weren't nice'.
And then you go and tell a CHILD you binned them?

I think you do more of these type of things in other situations and your DH just had enough 🙄

Agree. I don’t know why people do this. Start a thread and then give half a story so it looks like they are innocent. Just don’t start the thread.

clearly there is a back story here, and the child told the neighbours more than just his mother threw the cakes out.

and I’d bet good money that whatever she did, is why her husband called her a pathetic bitch, still unacceptable, but quite frankly she might have been

Well, clearly he shouldn't have called you a bitch, even in private. I take it your son did not witness that?

But honestly, the dismissive negativity would get to me, too. You unilaterally and arbitrarily decided that the cupcakes weren't "nice" - did your husband or son even get a chance to accept or reject them?

And instead of putting them up somewhere and then discreetly tossing in a couple of days, you were frank about it and even told your son. What did you think was going to happen?

Now your husband and son need to deal with the ongoing fallout and the unpleasant neighbour relations. Because you couldn't think of a less harsh way to deal with the situation, or at least lie and tell your son that you ate them?

Again, the name-calling is not on, but I see where his frustration is coming from. It's not just you who will bear the consequences.

As for your husband, he was out of order to call you names even if he did it in private

What difference does that make?

You say you "mentioned this in passing to your son". What exactly dud you say

I’d be more concerned with them learning that it’s ok to call your partner nasty names every time you get annoyed with each other

Exactly. All these comments saying the OP is bad for throwing away a few cakes - obviously it’s not great the neighbours know she chucked them but if it was a child who told them then it wasn’t really deliberate rudeness (if we assume the child is quite young).

And yet calling your partner a bitch is not quite as bad somehow. Certainly no worse 🤔

Sorry but I find your behaviour strange and wonder if your DH has a point about over critical reactions, though he has effectively lost the fight by calling you a name. I am not usually someone who sides with the DH on MN.

If I had been given cupcakes I didn’t like, I would have left them for DS or DH to sample and or finish, knowing that personal tastes do vary. I would have only thrown out the cakes once they got stale, no one had eaten them or if they had mould. It sounds like DS never got to taste them or at least finish them off? I definitely would not have told DS the literal truth. I assume he is quite young and hasn’t yet learned adult level social skills in which discretion is applied? Poor kid. I would at least assure him that you are to blame and it’s not his fault the neighbours are not speaking to you anymore.

IMO Your deciding they were not nice and chucking them without asking is controlling. They were given to your son.

You created an awkward situation for your family,

You can apologise to everyone. You can white lie to your neighbor that you an accidentally got kitchen spray in them, or dropped. And you really appreciate the gift and so sorry about the misunderstanding, maybe bring her small plant.
Apologise to your family & they should apologise back.

I feel sorry for your son all round. You were rude and sound mean from your comments on the cupcake and you telling him you binned them without a care that your son probably wants one because he asked or that he will tell the neighbour, seems you want the neighbour to know because I don’t know why you’ll tell him.
As for your husband, he was out of order to call you names even if he did it in private.
Both of you are wrong and I hope your son does not start losing out for your lack of tact