DH called me a pathetic b****

Doesn't matter. They are still punishing the child for what his mother did. They don't even have to see her for playdates, she or her husband can just drop the boy off and pick him up without coming in the house.

I feel there's a lot missing to this story. Husband didn't start off swearing. There must be a lot OP has left out in the "escalation" between OP telling her husband he's being ridiculous and husband's insult.

I also feel OP wanted the neighbours to know she threw them out. There's something just off with this story. I doubt all this is just about cupcakes.

I'd actually love to know what exactly the "friction with the neighbors" looked like, and what exactly was said. Feels rather glossed over.

It's probably the case that they don't want anything more to do with the OP, including hosting more play dates, rather than being upset at the child himself.

Exactly.

IKR. Banning the kid is crazy behaviour.

YANBU. Your husband was wrong to say that and should apologize.
The neighbours are being ridiculously petty, banning your kid just because you didn't want the cupcakes. For all they know you are ona diet and trying to avoid temptation, or for all they know you or your husband could be diabetic.
You'rd getting some unwarranted grief here for telling your son you threw them away, but he asked where they were, so what else could you do.

10 quid bet that the OP ate them all, didn't want to admit it and accidentally started this debacle.

It's hard for cupcakes to be all that not nice.

I remember when we were younger my neighbours who followed us to our new neighbourhood, loved my mums cooking. So my mum would give them whatever they wanted. But the neighbour auntie would feel she had to also return the favours, her food was awful. My mum still ate it as she felt bad throwing it away.

It reads like the OP threw them away same day they were received, or at least before anyone else got to try one. She decided that they weren't nice and that no one else would eat them anyway.

He asked where they were, and she told him she had thrown them out.

If he was asking where they were there then he either wanted them or is one of those rare children with a special interest in the particulars of food storage...

OP doesn’t say DS wanted them.

Why would he dispose of them? It sounds as though DS wanted them, despite OP's attempt at justifying her poor behavior.

I think OP just got a thrill from binning them.

Well why didn’t he dispose of the cupcakes? He can’t ignore things and then expect them to go his way.

I also think that "DH has placed the blame squarely on me" is telling - rather than the OP actually acknowledging that she's at fault.

Still, easier to ignore your own failings and run to Mumsnet about how your partner used the b-word I guess.

If OP hadn't already posted on mumsnet this would have made sense, but there's every chance that the neighbors (who presumably also have a young child) will end up seeing the thread and it's quite identifiable.

Really the OP should take some time to reflect on her behavior and just try to be a better person, going forward, but I bet we'll get a pity party if she returns to the thread.

Looks like your DH has a point to be worried that your critical nature will pass on to the children. Your son thought nothing of criticising the cupcakes to the neighbour and now it has cost him a friendship.

OP, I've read your posts. Actually, you do sound like a b* and rather toxic at that. 🤷‍♀️

You were out of order for binning the cakes before they’d tried them - who made you the Cupcake Police?
Your husband is either a knob, or is fed up of you because you have repeated form for this - only you know which it is in this instance.
To restore neighbour relations for the sake of your son,I’d be tempted to ‘confess’ to the neighbours that you’d actually scoffed the whole lot in secret as they were actually so ‘nice’,then had to tell your family you’d binned them because you felt so guilty and a bit of a pig.
(I find this scenario difficult to comprehend though because in my house,cake would have to be unbelievably bad to get binned!)

I would be so interested to hear your husband’s side of the story.

Did you argue with the neighbours?

Was dh reaction after openly falling out with them?
If so then sounds like a natural reaction to somthing that could have been avoided .
He didn't need to swear. Had you swore or got angry?
If you didn't like them then just don't eat them. And tell your son to say they were very nice and thank you . If he was ever asked.
It's very simple.
Did you chuck them away without checking if anyone else wanted one ? And your dh thinking you are being a bit controlling?
So falling out with neighbours is stressful. But falling out over cake is ridiculous. It should have been avoided.

👌

Whether the cause were any good is really beside the point. OP acted appallingly by throwing them away and then doubled down on her awfulness by telling her son.

I bet the son wanted to out her for her bad behaviour.

Well, the son has said something unkind, but perhaps not with unkind intention. Either he is old enough to know his words were hurtful and is following his mother's poor example, or he is "no filter" repeating unkind things his mother has said.

Otherwise, I'd be unsurprised is your post has hit the nail on the head and I do see OP as very much the real problem here, not her DH.