DH called me a pathetic b****

You don’t sound well suited

I suspect he feels the same about her, that she should raise him up instead of constant negativity and sniping comments, while disingenuously saying "I'm just being honest". Faux innocence wears thin.

Can you leave him? No one should feel stifled by their life partner. He should raise you up, not bring you down.

Ah the old I tell it like it is…

Didn't realise it was the child haha! That told them .Ignore my comment (I'm tired lol)

From how the neighbours reacted could this have been the straw that broke the camels back? What do you think their perspective would be?

Be honest, do you tend to be very negative? I admit I'm a bit of a box mix snob but it's hard to make inedible cupcakes, small children make reasonable ones. Your DH shouldn't have called you a bitch but could he be finding all the negativity relentless from you?

I think OP falls into the “gives it but can’t take it” camp personally.

Your big mistake was not being discreet with your son.

You get the feeling DH’s outbursts aren’t just about cake.

To be fair to everyone else involved, OP glosses over a lot of significant detail. We don't know what she actually said to her kid, what her kid actually said to the neighbours, what the "friction " involved or how the argument went.

But calling someone a bitch is ok?

So much going on here. That's not okay for your husband to call you that at all. My husband and I can both be pretty mean during an argument but it's very much in the heat of the moment and we apologise after... I hope he has apologised.

The main thing though is I am struggling to imagine a cupcake bad enough to throw away, and the person who made it being delusional enough to be upset about it!!!!

I’d be more mortified that I had caused that outcome for my son to be honest.

It sounds as though you were really scornful of the thoughtful gift from your neighbour and didn’t demonstrate any gratitude or appreciation in front of your son at all. If nobody was going to eat them you could have disposed of them discreetly and still sent a message of thanks via your son.
It seems it isn’t the first time your DH has been upset about your off hand criticism. I would think about the bigger picture here and ask yourself if his concerns are valid and make sure they aren’t. Try to avoid any more incidents like this by being less critical and more thoughtful in future.
Your son is suffering from your actions and your husband is no doubt upset about that as well as the fact that you failed to demonstrate basic manners to him.

As for your AIBU, you are correct that swearing and abuse is not acceptable.

Your husband shouldn't have called you a bitch for something that petty however you could have at least asked DH and DS if they were going to eat them before binning them. It's a bit inconsiderate to just assume they wouldn't like them.
However your neighbour is being ridiculous saying he can't go for playmates anymore.

Your husband shouldn't have called you a bitch for something that petty however you could have at least asked DH and DS if they were going to eat them before binning them. It's a bit inconsiderate to just assume they wouldn't like them.
However your neighbour is being ridiculous saying he can't go for playmates anymore.

Everyone involved here sounds a little tense.
I wouldn't care of it was for me but for your son I would explain to the neighbours I was on a diet which was the real reason, little white lie. Only you can decide if you want to stay with your angry husband.

I think theres few things here,

I wouldn’t have thrown cupcakes away just because I decided they weren’t nice and that my family doesn’t really eat cake. I would have thought “oh thats really kind of them to make some cake and give it to us” then I would have put it on the side incase anyone wanted to eat them. The fact that your son came looking for them indicates he was planning to eat one.

You say your Dh doesn’t like it if you are critical of people, are you very critical about other people a lot? Because to me that sounds like you moan about other people a bit and it’s negative.

I think your sons been told he’s not welcome because it’s quite rude to tell someone you chucked a gift of food. Not necessarily about the food as such. It wouldn’t bother me though depending on age.

Your husband should never ever swear at you, thats flat out unacceptable.

not an excuse to act so badly is it ?

On many threads I’ve read posters tell the OP their partner/DH is an arsehole/ a dick/ wanker/ bastard etc and tell her to tell him this over their ‘wrong’ behaviour.

We have no idea what the dynamic is like here. It sounds like the OP’s husband doesn’t approve of/like her mother and is on hyper alert for the perceived negative traits showing themselves in her and their children.

Name calling is never a good thing, it’s rarely justified but it can usually be explained.

If OP is the type of person who is generally negative and disapproving of others and her husband is noticing her become more like her mother in this way it will naturally annoy and concern him, especially if he feels it will be adopted by their children.

You can dislike something but it’s the way you show and act upon it.

If OP found hairs or unidentifiable gross-looking objects in or on the cupcakes she would obv be justified in binning.

If she thought they weren’t sweet enough or the texture was a joke and proceeded to criticise the neighbour’s culinary skills, which led onto other criticisms like the state of their garden, the tacky decor, how much weight neighbour had put on etc, I can understand her DH getting fed up with her, especially if it’s a common monologue.

It seems rather extreme to bin simply bc she didn’t like them. Justifying this by saying the rest of her family don’t really eat cakes is dismissive and presumptuous and probably to vindicate her actions and her verdict that the quality isn’t up to standard. Did you offer any of them to any of them, OP?

If OP said to her son she’d accidentally dropped them/ the cat had licked them etc it would perhaps have been ‘nicer’ than - “They aren’t very nice so I chucked them” etc. It’s a lesson learned that kids innocently repeat things and if he was asked by another adult who he trusted and liked he’d have given them an honest answer. It’s really sad to think the neighbour would have probably got visibly upset/angry and the poor child wouldn’t have understood why and certainly wouldn’t have meant to say the wrong thing, bless him. He probably wouldn’t have thought his mum would have said something mean about them so it wouldn’t have occurred to tell a white lie. Very unfair he is being punished for essentially telling the truth!

Sounds like there’s a lot of growing up to be done all round, but mainly the adults.

How old is your son?

Your husband is horrible and a nasty person who shouldn't be talking to you like that under any circumstances.

Your son if younger than teenage probably needed it explained to him that he should not tell the neighbour they were thrown away.

Depending how young he is, if very young, you shouldn't have told him as very young kids wouldn't really be relied on to understand or remember not withhold this kind of information from a neighbour.

But even then, your husband is being nasty you and a creep.

It was the child who told them.

I think you DH is out or order, in your own home you should be able express your self and not feel like it could be taken out the house. I don't understand why he has had to be blunt and tell them. I would be going mad if that was my partner. He could have said "the cakes were great,thanks". He's started the drama. Hope your ok

Sadly the poor kid takes the punishment for this.

I think any attempt to smooth things over with the neighbours is just a version of digging a bigger hole. In those circumstances, if I was the neighbours I mightn't have been thrilled but I wouldn't have referred to it further or thrown your son out. So what if the cupcakes were dry and tasteless and they weren't eaten. I don't like them that much myself and it's not as if you asked them to send them over. The neighbours are just weird.

Somebody should have a chat with your son about social cues and the kind "white" lie.

I am agog at your husband's thought processes that led to him calling you a pathetic b because you were unduly critical of the neighbour's cupcakes. Calling your wife a pathetic b is several notches up from criticising an inanimate cupcake. So, if I've got this right, you're not to say anything negative about anyone or anything and if you do, then he supportively and non-negatively calls you a pathetic b.

I'm sure that there is a lot more wrong with this marriage. At first glance, your husband appears thick and unpleasant. Neither of these things appears likely to change.