DH called me a pathetic b****

certainly not telling DS anything again. it's like telling your DM exotic travel stories!! she'll act impressed but then blow it up in your face!! ps- he could have called you worse. don't think "pathetic" matches in this circumstance, OP x

Sorry, bit off topic here. But your husband calling you a bitch is bad right?

What if he regularly calls you a pathetic bitch?

This really tickled me I’m not sure why.
Jesus Christ your neighbour is overreacting. Some people can’t bake, so what. I’m one of them and my cakes taste shit. Your allowed to say you don’t like something your neighbour needs to stop being a drip.

i wouldn’t sweat this at all op. Leave her to her tantrum.

your husband just sounds sick of your shit 😂

Yes, exactly this. I agree that the possibility is that he’s told them the whole truth as mum has said it because that’s what children do. I can’t imagine he would think he was doing anything wrong except for repeating what his mum has told him which in fairness he wasn’t. It seems extremely unlike that the cake being thrown away and him being banned from the house aren’t related as you’ve quite rightly pointed out it’s much too big a reaction to ban him otherwise. I feel for him too. It’s not fair that he’s been penalised for the actions of someone else.

I think the OP’s words were in fact ‘not nice’ instead of horrible but they were definitely bad enough for the OP to throw them out. It’s also clear from the OP that he’s not welcome in their house since that point but people will bend over backwards to defend others poor actions and will pick apart and argue the toss over people’s wording when it means exactly the same thing. I cannot imagine why.

I don't think your DH was right to call you that, but I do think your actions were really not OK. You should not have thrown away the cupcakes and most defitely should not have told your DS that they were not nice and you had thrown them away.

Okay, no problem. 👍

Or rude - that she hides behind the fact that it is the truth and therefore she has every right to say it

even if it is actually just her truth - the cupcakes were not very nice in her opinion doesn’t mean they weren’t nice full stop

and now others are being affected by this

My take on it filling in the blanks is that OP tells it how it is and doesn't care if people think she's negative.

DH doesn't like the negativity but now that OP's behaviour is having an effect on their DC they are getting more frustrated with it.

Going by the neighbours banning this more than likely isn't the only rude incident from either OP or the DC. DH didn't handle his frustration as well as he could have.

Unless the child told the neighbors that the cakes weren't nice the thread makes no sense. Why would DH have been annoyed at OP for not making up a white lie instead of saying that they weren't nice?

If the child is at an unaccompanied play date but still too young to realise you don't always repeat what your parents say in private then it is reasonable to assume he does know the neighbours well and feels comfortable with them.

Him calling her a pathetic bitch was in response to her calling him wet. Given that the OP has said she wishes he would argue in front of the children not bottle things up and how she has caused arguments with other people because of her 'honesty' coupled with her being responsible for escalating the argument it would seem more likely that the name calling was the result of snapping after being pushed rather than him being an abusive partner. I think under the circumstances I would have called her similar probably substituting pathetic for nasty.

The only evidence is that the neighbours have now banned him from the house.

He may not have told them that in fairness, but it seems a bit extreme to ban him if he just told them they had been thrown away, they could have been thrown away for any amount of genuine reasons.

I feel for the poor lad, he's either too young to know better or he probably thinks 'telling it like it is' is the only way to be as that's what his mum does, he'll learn the hard way about diplomacy though.

I'm thinking that given how the neighbour no longer wants him over that the OPs son may have said something that sounded very rude. Most people don't stop their children seeing a friend lightly.

This is obviously my speculation. OP can always fill us in.

I said ‘No where does OP say that her child told the neighbour that the cakes tasted horrible.’

There’s no evidence that the child told the neighbour that the cakes were horrible. Children are unlikely to say these things to adults they don’t know well.

@Hyperbowl, thanks I don't need to do anything nor listen to your judgement of my response.
But thank you so much for providing me with a summary of what happened, it's very good of you.
If only it was accurate.
I think "you need" to read the post more carefully - as do I, but I will accept that advice gracefully. It's nice to be nice. "You need" to try it perhaps.....

OP did tell the son they weren't nice:

His anger was about me telling DS the cupcakes weren't nice.

I think if the son went over there and relayed any of the information passed on to him by his mum, (cakes weren't nice so she binned them), it's too late to style it out with the neighbours.

Chances are he let slip the whole thing she said, and that's why the husband is angry about it. If he only said they got binned I think it is an overeaction of the neighbours to ban him from the house, unless this isn't the first incident of rudeness/spitefulness that he is parroting from his mum of course.

Eitherway OP has admitted she was in the wrong to put him in that position, I hope she does try to make amends with them for his sake as it sound like he may have lost a friend over it now.

Surely you can see it's not nice to say something someone else has made "is not nice".
You'd never say that to a child either and certainly not tell them you'd binned them.
Of course this is going to get back to the neighbours and of course they are going to feel hurt.

You seem seriously over invested in this thread and angry for some reason. It’s not that deep, it’s not a hospital and no one has died.

not only did she herself tell her child that she binned them, she told the child the reason that she binned them was because they tasted horrible. The child then went and repeated what his mother had told him back to the neighbour and the neighbour has banned him from the house.

No where does OP say that her child told the neighbour that the cakes tasted horrible. You are making things up to sell suit your agenda and to give OP a good kicking.

OP only said ‘A few days later, when over their house, he told the neighbours that I threw them away.’

No mention of them tasting horrible so OP absolutely can go back and make up an excuse about the cakes.

He then said she was being pathetic and a bitch in response.

No he called her a ‘pathetic bitch’. Again, you’re making things up.

Do you really believe the neighbour will believe that?

And why should the husband be fixing this?

The Op chose to throw them out, then chose to tell the child exactly why. Then chose to call her husband ridiculous and wet when he voiced his own opinion that she, again, has caused issues with bluntness.

This situation is of her making, why should he be the one to fix it? If my dp was rude to the neighbours, not a chance would I be taking on the task of lying and trying to smooth it over.

I think you need to go back and read the full OP because you seem to have got your accuracies a bit skewed.

The OP can’t go back and lie now and claim that she dropped them or whatever because not only did she herself tell her child that she binned them, she told the child the reason that she binned them was because they tasted horrible. The child then went and repeated what his mother had told him back to the neighbour and the neighbour has banned him from the house. The husband told the OP that she shouldn’t have told the child that she had binned them because they were horrible but should have offered a white lie at the time using something along the lines of what you suggested to save the neighbours feelings and the sons upset.

The OP in response to her husband suggesting that he shouldn’t have told their DC the truth for obvious reasons said he was ridiculous and called him wet. He then said she was being pathetic and a bitch in response.

Why should her DH support her when he doesn’t agree with her actions and why should her DH be the one to sort the mess that she created?

Two things here:

1. Go and see your neighbour and take some chocolates/flowers. Apologise and say that you can understand their reaction as communicated by your son but the message has got a little twisted as you threw the cakes out because the cat/dog licked them, they fell on the floor, you accidently spilled washing up liquid/bleach/hand soap over them and they were ruined - which you hadn't explained to him, he just saw they'd been thrown out. And make sure your son is updated with this.
2. Such judgement from your husband - what did he do to sort it out? Will leave you to deal with that one by having a convo about throwing your partner under the bus. Nice one, why isn't he on your side? Revenge is a dish best served cold, he's better remember that!

Well I wouldn't have binned the cakes, I would have kept them then binned if not eaten and said they were nice to the neighbours even if not. Your husband shouldn't have disclosed you binned them, he shouldn't have called you a bitch either. I would take some chocolates and wine to the neighbours and a card to apologise. It seems a shame on your child if they were friends with the neighbours children/child to fall out.

Advice and support? Give over.

It was only the one person and I’ve no idea why she thought me speculating that the OP told her son the cakes were not nice as a result of him asking for one and her having to admit she threw them away generated such ire. Literally no idea at all. But if you think I’m breaking the rules feel free to report me.

Total over reaction on all sides.

Why do you think so many people “gave you a bollocking” if you were just respectfully offering a difference of opinion just as many others have? You are quoting multiple posters who are politely giving their opinion and have literally said upthread “speculation is not allowed and still speculation” but yeah, I’m the one talking nonsense. 🙄 All you have done is make yourself look silly by repeatedly contradicting yourself and trying to cause friction with multiple people. All of which is completely unnecessary. Just accept you were wrong and move on and stop trying to derail the thread because it’s actually against the rules because it takes away from the posters who want to give actual advice and support. That is out of order because derailing threads is against the rules on here. I won’t be replying to you again as I’m not going to enable you further.

He’s right, you should’ve. Weird that you didn’t, and still don’t, understand that really. Clearly you have history for being tactless and overly blunt, and it sounds very much as though you started the name calling, and say it ‘escalated’ from there, suggesting you’re not whiter than white here.