To not want to teach

I totally get you. I was a teacher for 20 years and loved my job, put my heart and soul into it. However, the demands of the job became more and more and when I started my own family, I couldn't devote the time I had previously to it.
I left 5 years ago and joined the local council. I now work FT (I was 3 days as a teacher), the pro rata pay is less, but I earn more by working full time hours. I do feel as though I now have more free time to spend with my kids and do hobbies. Teaching is such a time consuming job and I was definitely feeling burnt out.
Have a plan for what you could do as your kids get older 🤗.

Teaching in a secondary school very almost made me quit teaching. I'm part time in a sixth form college now and it is SO much better in terms of workload and general pupil attitudes.

Agreed. It's not initially easy. You have to be ready to go, or totally pissed off with your place.

@idontwanttoteach ok .... But what's dh's sacrifice? What is he having to put up with/endure for the sake of everyone else?
I have no clue what your and dh's scenario is but for some couples I know it's the fact that he (usually he, but not always) never really wanted kids that much to want to make the career compromisees, trade offs of time and personal autonomy that having kids bring. In which case if you were driving it you might of known it was always going to be your sacrifice/cross to carry...But you know what, marriage and relationships can be re-evaluated and can change and grow. Just because you agreed to something once it doesn't mean you don't get to change your mind?
Any decent partner would be open to an honest discussion about what could be different.
Tonight it might just be the shitty year 11's and lack of sleep, but feeling stuck and hopeless can eat away at you. It can make you bitter and resentful and I'm pretty sure it's not very good for your health. It can sometimes leak out into your interactions with your kids too.... All the sacrifices you make/made being unnoticed (because that's kids/teenagers, god knows they take us for granted which is pretty normal).... Even if you love your job it's hard not to feel a bit resentful at the sheer unrelenting effort of parenting,adulting and working. And if you hate your job, well that's an extra double helping of potential resentment isn't it ..

I felt similar OP.

I moved schools and it's much better.

I've alway been FT too (H part time) and I genuinely think it's proportionally easier. I have nothing to compare this to though!

Echoing the mid term, miserable weather and shit kids vibes.

I taught for 20 years. I was a single parent for many of those years so I absolutely understand the situation you are in and the need for guaranteed money. I hated it. Are you single. I met a man ,who I adore and we have been married for 20 years. He also happened to be a widower ( only 3 years older than me so not a doddery old sod)and extremely well off. If I hadn't met him I'd still be teaching. I did meet him so Im not and haven't been for years.

And then you end up constantly watching your back and teaching on egg shells in fear of being put on a capability plan because you are expensive to keep 😫

It's Monday
It's cold and wet outside.
The current year 11s are awful.
I get it.
Before you throw the baby out with the bathwater, look at other schools.
I lost my mojo 13 years ago and panic- applied to jobs outside education.
I ended up sticking with school, had babies, went part- time, stepped down my subject lead role and am now back to full time.
I'm cruising on UPR3 and enjoying teaching (most days).
Have a look around at other schools. X

Hey OP. I’m sure you’re a great teacher. If you weren’t the year 11s wouldn’t have been able to get you down.

Working for anyone in any job with little kids who wake overnight sucks. Honestly, we are all in the misery together. I’ve worked full time in my own business the entirety of my parenting and there were many many days of ‘trapped’.

It does get much better when the kids get older, you’ve just got to hang in there. Chances are the feeling would be the same anywhere.

things I’ve done to help are:

• work full time and use cash to outsource childcare, cleaning and gardening. I feel better in all areas being on top of my work, and I appreciate not having to do some of the ‘drudge’ work.
• change my mindsets. When my youngest was 3 we lost my MIL in traumatic circumstances. She used to be our main extra set of hands. Life was so hard. Grief, loss, an exponential increase in the day to day workload, 2 young kids, sourcing additional child care, the loneliness of most peers having no idea what it’s like to lose a parent in your 30s, or run a business, or do both at the same time. You can let it drown you or you can figure out how to change the way you think to be more resilient. It sucks. It’s boring. I didn’t want to! But the gift a number of years on, is that I can now view most difficulties as an opportunity, and knowing you can get through anything is something no one can take away from you.
• one of the things I said on repeat to my husband was I need more help. It doesn’t need to come from you as I know you’re working hard too, but we need to bring in more people to help because I’m at my limit. As the default parent I think you’re just expected to cope with an ever increasing set of demands while accommodating everyone’s needs, and most of the time our life partners don’t know what that feels like because it’s not their experience. Learning to speak up, identify what needs more help, and outsourcing it does help.
• schedule in things that meet my needs. My cup felt perpetually empty. So empty that I could self care for weeks and it wouldn’t be enough. Carving out time for me in the weekly calendar did help a lot. The available time had increased as the kids got older but in the early days time for working out was important and seeing a friend for coffee every couple of weeks made a huge difference.

I hope you can get a good nights sleep and feel a bit more recharged tomorrow. When able, have a play around with alternate ways to see the problem, or make some time to see a professional if you’re really struggling to (I did). And whinge away. It really is a difficult stage of transformation and personal growth.

The thing is, your predicament is actually not at all about teaching. I’m late 40s in the public sector and I feel exactly the same: fed up with a job I used to love, because all the joy and interesting bits have drained away over 14 years of austerity. Only: I earn significantly less than a teacher, despite my postgraduate qualifications, expertise and decades of experience AND the fact I’m in a shortage profession.

But also, close friends in go-getting high paid private sector jobs feel exactly the same too.

Maybe it might help you to reframe it a bit and reflect on the fact that many (most) professionals are fed up with their jobs and would love nothing more than to leave, if only it weren’t for the money? There isn’t a greener field you’re missing out on, it’s just that middle age as a tired working parent is a bit shit?

Have you tried different types of school - 6th form colleges, private schools. You may find it better elsewhere.
Quite a number of teachers leaving to do full time tutoring. Depends on your subject specialism.

Aren't the parents harder work though? And general expectations?

Look at college teaching? Either the subject your degree is in or an Early years course as you’ll have all the knowledge and experience.

What do you do after teaching? And what do you do now?

Have you tried private schools ? The students are easier to deal with (less social work and more actual teaching).

@idontwanttoteach hmme, look I'm a random on the internet....Its just I've been in a similar position and I've seen far too many capable dare I say brilliant women tell themselves they don't have choices due to the impact on young children/family. When what is often the case is that they don't have choices because gradually they've been boxed into a corner, but oddly their dh hasn't had to think about the same compromises or choices and oddly dh's career/retraining/additional courses etc has not been impacted and dh's career has gone from strength to strength...
If you were my partner and you were so clearly unhappy and it was clear there is no easy fix/option then I'd be moving jobs/selling houses and disrupting stuff basically moving heaven and earth to support you to find a solution. Life is too fucking short to be miserable or passive. You need to work together to find a solution or demand one if dh isn't quite getting it....

You might be surprised who is on them.

I hear you. I was a p/t ups3 secondary teacher. Saw a job advert for a job with a charity and went for it and got it!

I work FT and earn same as I did on p/t teaching so I am 'down' a lot of days and holiday time but gained so much in actual time.

I am not going back into a classroom.

I feel exactly the same. Both DH and I are UPS with TLRs working full-time. I cry most mornings driving into work because I am so exhausted. We both feel trapped and don’t even know where to start looking or how to find the energy or time to look. As soon as kids are in bed we work frantically until midnight to try and stay above water. And it’s still not enough. We both love being in the classroom, but I can’t live in this miserable state much longer.

do you have a straight teaching degree or a pgce? Could you not jump onto a different graduate career path- some of them have surprising salaries (40 upwards)

A colleague decided to leave teaching and got a junior position as an auditor in financial services (probably about 25k starting). But a career like that can get you quickly promoted to c£50 in 4 years or so.

Are you sure that you can’t do something else?