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AIBU?

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Original poster

Anybody here with a guy who has “boys”

85 replies

MyApa · 30/09/2024 18:10

I’m seeing a really nice guy. We have both just turned 30 and sick of being single/dating life. We get on well and have shared interests.

I just have never dated a guy who is really into his male friendship group. He constantly references their chat group, he says things like “wait till the boys hear this” etc. Its such a turn off! I’m glad he’s got a wide friendship network but I really find it cringe worthy.

This morning he was having a team call, he was asked what he did at the weekend and I could overhear him say “the lads and I went to x”. It was perfectly professional but I just get the absolute ick. I don’t know why! He’s moderately posh so I don’t know if it’s something to do with it feeling put on? Try hard? Immature? I don’t know!

Am I the one being weird?

OP posts:
Lostthetastefordahlias · 30/09/2024 18:31

DH would say the “guys” about his male friendship group, maybe the lads (not the boys, we are both in our 40s). I was wary initially because I think there’s an association between groups of men and toxic masculinity. But in fact they are great and they have been a great support to him through tough times. So it might be worth having a think about whats behind your reaction. Its good for men to have friends, but thats not always celebrated like female friends are.

Lasttraintolondon · 30/09/2024 18:26

Person has friends and his own interests and gives you the 'ick'. Jesus.

alwaysmovingforwards · 30/09/2024 18:26

I guess you can get the ick at whatever you want OP... but I couldn’t share your view in this one.

It’s his friendship circle, they seem important to him, this is simply a term he refers to them by. It’s normal and healthy.

Unless you’re billy no mates and low key resent his strong friendships?

BeatsAntique · 30/09/2024 18:25

It would give me the ick too. Sounds juvenile and laddish to me. I wouldn’t refer to my friends as ‘the girls’ either, though. I’d just say ‘my friends’ or my ‘work/book group/foodie/pub quiz friends’ if a distinction was needed.

Catza · 30/09/2024 18:21

My partner calls his employees "boys". They are both men in their 40s, about the same age as my partner. Doesn't bother me at all, why would it?

mushpush · 30/09/2024 18:20

I do similar with the "girls" - I don't think that's a red flag?

K0OLA1D · 30/09/2024 18:14

My partner of 14 years has a lads group. They all went school together. Go out for meets every few months etc. No ick here.

ScottBakula · 30/09/2024 18:14

It wouldn't bother me , it's only like me saying I am going out with the girls.

And yes I know mn women tend to hate the phrase girls when they mean women but saying I am going out with the women sounds odd to me.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 30/09/2024 18:13

I think this is quite normal. I can think of men I know and like who talk like this. It wouldn't be a red flag for me as such.

I'd find it a bit off-putting if it was more like, "Lads lads lads!" to talk about regularly getting shitfaced and acting like teenagers, but if it's, "the lads and I went to a football match" or something else with a focus to it other than drinking, it wouldn't bother me.

Original poster
MyApa · 30/09/2024 18:13

He constantly brings them up

OP posts: