Anybody here with a guy who has “boys”

I know what you mean. I used to date a guy who watched DVDs at a mate's house every Thursday without fail and they took turns to be the host within the group. I didn't think there was anything really wrong with it but I thought it was a bit odd for a man in his mid 30s. Maybe because I had children and didn't have a lot of free time I saw things that way, but then again, some of his mates had wives and kids.

Wait wait do they call each other by their surnames?
Yeah, it is very immature sounding. Can you imagine insert someone mature and masculine here saying it. Bloody hell, can't think of a single example that isn't from the 1940s.

Is he constantly ditching you to hang with "the boys"? What kind of stuff is he constantly relating back to them? Personal stuff?

Surely a guy having a solid support network and long term friends is a good sign if it's not adversely affecting your time together? Do you have friends?

I don't see the problem. He has friends. Would you rather he didn't?

Only on MN would having friends be considered a red flag 🤣

I wonder if there might be some unconscious jealousy here. Perhaps the idea of your boyfriend having other meaningful relationships is difficult for you.

I've noticed. Like I said, weird!

😁
On this site men are forbidden from having female friends if they are in a relationship, and any woman with a male friend is a husband stealing trollop!

(I think the thing I wouldn't like is that he ONLY had male friends. People who only socialise with their own sex are deeply weird to me.)

Eh? My dp says 'ah the lads are going for a pint Friday, so we're going to go.....' to appear popular? To me?

What a reach

More sad to read so much into a colloquialism so normal and widespread that I'm amazed anyone has any type of feeling about it.

Every collective noun I've ever used to describe my friendship groups is something we use among ourselves that strengthens our bond and frankly it's not a partner's place to have opinions on whether I call my female friends "the lads" or address them as "the bitches" in group chats.

Also ironic that someone who objects to common wording will use the phrase "the ick", which makes me heave.

Yes. My DP has a very tight friendship group. It took some getting used to tbh as they are very close, with much more open boundaries than I'm used to, and when something is going on for one theyre all there for it. As our relationship has progressed I've got used to it, and actually find it quite touching now and think they're lucky to have it. Selfishly, I'd also find it difficult if I were the sole source of support amd companionship for him as I like to do my thing, so its good to know he has his people too. Especially as his family are not the best.

I'm guessing it's the wording. I'd get the ick with constant "the lads", "the boys" too.

Like there's no need to constantly go on about it, and "oh I had some drinks with friends" would be much better than "I went out with the boys here" like he's some kind of cooler than cool lad. Yuk.

Sounds like he's putting on a show to look popular. Sad really.

Would you rather he didn’t have any friends?

Screams desperate. YANBU to get the ick, I would too. It's what I would expect from a 20 year old, not a 30 year old.

If it gives you the ick then it gives you the ick, but it's worth questioning why.

Surely someone having a strong friendship group is a good thing rather than a negative.

Is it about the phrasing? "The boys", "The lads". Because "I went out with my friends" makes someone sound like a 12 year old unfortunately. Would "mates" be better because it's sex neutral?

One of the things I found attractive about DH when we met was that he had a group of really good, mutually supportive, close male friends. I think it’s a really healthy thing for men to have, as so many have only superficial relationships with other men and few opportunities to really share proper friendships and talk about the things they’re going through. I wouldn’t see it as a negative at all. Calling them lads / boys / guys / chaps are all just colloquial ways of saying the same thing, it’s not especially meaningful.

I get that you probably aren’t interested in their chat group but I think it’s quite positive that he talks to you about his friends and thinks you’d be interested. They, and the things they all talk and laugh about, are an important part of his life he’s sharing with you.

Yes, you are totally the one being weird. I'm struggling to see any issue in what you have described with your boyfriend, who seems to have friends, who he likes.

@MyApa Are you objecting to the term "boys" or the fact that he has a friendship group? I'm not keen on "boys" but it doesn't have the same connotation as "girls".

If it's the fact that he has a friendship group, then,frankly, grow up.

It is a really weird thing to get the ick over.

But I'm with you, I read he says things like “wait till the boys hear this” and it made my toes curl , it makes me picture him as a cross between Danny Dyer and Jay from the Inbetweeners.

Having a good friendship grp gives you the ick??? Can you imagine if he said they same about you and your female friends?? I think it's healthy. Having friendships IS healthy.

I’m kind of with you, “guys” or “lads” just sounds different to “the boys” but can’t put my finger on why

Edit: Wait are you talking about his phrasing or that he has a group of friends? Hope it’s not the latter

Yes, I think it's a weird thing to get the ick about.

They are his friends. Some people their friendship group is their chosen family