Anybody here with a guy who has “boys”

Sounds like a sociable guy with some
good friends. Wouldn’t bother me to be honest. If anything it’s a positive. If it doesn’t work for you though, that’s fine, horses for courses.

Yuk. Red flag.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

It's just a term. It's no different from saying "I'm going out with my friends, mates, the girls" that's all it is. What would you prefer him to say?

Having said that, if it gives you "the ick" then there isn't much you can do about that. Just be prepared that a lot of people will refer to their "group" using a term like this, so you could be binning off decent people from them simply using one term you don't like.

'I'm going out with the men' that would sound worse.

I still refer to my long term friends and I as the girls. Lol

When I was dating again after divorce I would always ask if they had close friends. For me I wasn't prepared to date someone who didn't have friends of their own.

I had done that before and felt it was too much pressure to be everyone to just one person. I'm busy, have a child with sn's, have wonderful friends. I wanted someone who had their own social life.

This would be a plus not an ick for me.

What would you prefer him to call them? My DP has no friends, I wish he had some 'boys' to head out with to get out from under my feet. I am a mid 40s woman and still call my female friends 'the girls' too, though, so I'm part of the lexicon problem.

If he’s quite posh, is it something a bit ‘rah’ that’s putting you off? My ex believed himself posh (he was not), he only ever referred to his colleagues by their surnames. Made me cringe.

This. I mean, I’m not crazy either about ‘the boys’ or ‘the girls’ as titles for groups of adults, but tastes differ.

Sounds pretty normal in my world.

DH 57 refers to the lads or boys trip, as do all the woves (ranging from mid 40s to 60). We also say girls trips for our hols together.

It appears that you are getting the ick about something that is a really a non-issue. Perhaps it's the colloquialism that he is comfortable with or what his other friends also call each other, so it has become a habit. I've heard many women call say- girls' night or hanging out the girls. Does that give you the ick too or is it just in this case?

OP- I understand if it's third parties using the word, but for a close-knit circle?
My friends and I are in our 40s- we have been friends since we were 14/15 and to this day refer to the group as the girls. It's quite normal. My DH (40s) too refers to his friends as the guys or the boys. They have been his best mates for over 2 decades and he talks to and about them all the time- as I do about my friends. I find nothing wrong with it. These are important relationships, for his mental wellbeing, sense of community and our marriage as well.
There are more important things to worry about TBH. He seems like a kind man- don't spoil this with trivialities.

Ha ha yes, does his Mum go all giggly when they come round?

Are you put off by the activities themselves? Too time consuming, exclusionary of partners , unsavoury, for instance? Id get it if the 'boys' go golfing, drinking and stripper -watching all weekend, every weekend.

If it's just the term then I don't get it. It's nice he has good friends

This, I’m picturing him as Gavin from Gavin and Stacey

You can't help how you feel.

DH has a group of friends who have all known each other since university (circa 20 years). They meet up every week for gaming + a monthly meal out. Then we all get together sometimes as families/friends.

I think it's really healthy he has a group of friends who enjoy spending time together, show up for each other when one of them is going through stuff, and there's always someone for one of them to talk to if they need to offload or need advice.

We use the term "fellas" in my house, and it's gender neutral. "Going for a pint with the football fellas", "don't forget I'm meeting the reading group fellas tonight". Don't know where it's come from, but it's stuck.

Yep I don't like laddy lads and never dated one. They're usually the worst for sexist banter, cheating etc

They also don't seem to mind. They knew each other for decades. That'a not the point though. Even of they felt patronised it literally has nothing to do with me. Why would it give me the ick?

That’s really patronising. I’d feel massively professionally disrespected if my boss called me anything other than “my colleague”.

Does he also talk about “the girls on Reception”?

(Not the same situation as OP’s boyfriend, his use of “boys” is absolutely fine. My husband calls his 3 university friends “the boys”, though he does it mostly as it’s quicker to use a collective noun than saying “Tom, Dick and Harry”, and he sort of says it ironically)

Ooook. Using words like 'yuk' and he's the 'sad' one 🤣

If he mentions 'the lads' regularly then yes, yuk.

@gannett "I think the thing I wouldn't like is that he ONLY had male friends. People who only socialise with their own sex are deeply weird to me.

My close friends are all women. While I do have friend who are men, I would always rather hang out with women. So much more fun and interesting and less ego driven.

Is it specifically the term "boys" that you don't like?