Anybody here with a guy who has “boys”

Is it just the phrasing that bothers you? Or is it how he is with them/how he behaves around them/talks to them?

@NewName24 "Your post on the bottom of P6 isn't true either, as there are plenty of places that will refer to "the boys in the workshop" / "the lads on the shop floor" / just as someone might say girls, and yes, I have heard "the lad on Reception" described as such"

Apologies-I didn't make myself clear. I agree that "the boys in the workshop" is used- but it does not carry the same connotation as "girls" as a collective for adult women. And I see you have changed "the boy on reception" to "the lad". Once again, a completely different connotation , particualarly regionally. I am pretty sure nobody would ever say "boy" in this context, unless referring to an actual child or intending to be offensive.

Agree @Isittimeformynapyet (and love your name).

@CurlewKate
My dc (all young adults) will say they are going out with "My ..... girls" (insert 'football' or 'work' or wherever she knows them from). My ds says he's 'going for a curry with the boys' and they are all very hot on inclusive language and not using language that offends.
Your post on the bottom of P6 isn't true either, as there are plenty of places that will refer to "the boys in the workshop" / "the lads on the shop floor" / just as someone might say girls, and yes, I have heard "the lad on Reception" described as such.
Other than by a few posters on MN, it really isn't an offensive thing to call your group 'girls'. Social or work.

@Isittimeformynapyet "I think conflating "the girls" with the N word is really OTT though."

Fair enough. I don't agree though. I think language is incredibly important. Obviously the n-word is on a completely different level to "girls". But the principle is the same. If we as women use "girls", then some people will try to take that as permission to use it too.

No normalising going on here, I think. It's already normal.

I don't have a group called "the girls", I say I'm going out with "name, name and name" or "friends from AA" for example.

I think conflating "the girls" with the N word is really OTT though.

sn's? Sorry what does this mean?

@WillToWin "@CurlewKate for the office, understandable. Why do you have a problem with friends referring to their close group as 'the girls'?"

Because I think it's important not to normalise language like this. We all know people who say "well, if black people use the n-word, then it must be OK"

My closest friends are a gay male couple who i refer to as "the boys"
Suspect this isnt quite the same thing tho.

I think that's so nice that he has a solid group of friends. I guess it depends what they get up though. Coke fueled piss ups and cheating? Not nice. But a supportive group of friends you can enjoy time with and get support from sounds like a good thing.

@CurlewKate for the office, understandable. Why do you have a problem with friends referring to their close group as 'the girls'?

"I don't understand why a minority of MNers have an issue with it"

I can try and explain. The problem with using "girls" for a group of women is that it is often,particularly in the work place used to infantilise. It's not as common as it used to be, but it still happens. Male managers talk about "my girl" or "the girl on reception" or "the girls in accounts" It minimises and depersonalises. And while we're well on with women's equality in the workplace, we're not all the way yet. We need to be vigilant! There are no circumstances where anyone would say "The boy on reception" or "the boy in accounts." Men tend to be given the status of adults, regardless of work status. Women are often infantilised, regardless of status or age. Of course, someone will talk about "the boys on the shop floor". Generally, "boys" for men suggests youth and vigor and comradeship. "Girls" for women is dismissive and depersonalising.

"I don't understand why a minority of MNers have an issue with it"

I can try and explain.

@Jc2001 They have..

If you read the thread you will be sure.

I'm not sure anyone has replied back to suggest it is a red flag.

I thinking you're put off already, it's not going to work. Throw him back and move on to someone who only socialises with his associates

This is great. We're early 40s but I hope to God we're all around for girls holidays on our 80s. We cook dinner, have a drink, watch a movie. Just be together. Just imagine the shared history and stories on his boys trip

Say you're controlling without saying you're controlling.

Is that the one alternative?

I also meet up for a pub lunch now and then with "the girls" from my first job.
Some have now sadly died, but there are 3 or us in our 60s, and the rest are in their 70s and well into their 80s.

I don't understand why a minority of MNers have an issue with it.

This is really cute. 💖

My Dad meets up once a year with “the boys” from a former job. They’re well into their 80s. How should he refer to them “the elderly men”? “The gents”? etc. I’m glad they’re still alive and able to socialise.

I agree with the overwhelming majority of the posts so far.
YABU
(Am surprised 30% of people think YANBU to be honest, having read through the posts.)

Someone saying "but I just get the absolute ick" OTOH, does make me roll my eyes.

Out with me mates, is what I say.

Mum friends, non-mum friends from 40-odd years ago (or recent, as in a couple of years), gay friends, old work mates, who cares.

Fuss like that is just labels. Let's forget them. We're all people at the end of the day.

I think someone who doesn't have any friends is more of a red flag to be honest.