To be upset friend stopped texting

Did you ever find out what happened? I’m in a similar situation and my friend has vanished for the second time recently. I don’t mind if she wants to duck out but would really appreciate her popping up and saying she’s okay as I’m a bit worried hence searching mumsnet for ideas. It’s a bit unnerving.

OP, is there any reason why you both don't just actually chat with each other every now and again, rather than the constant texting?
You could say much more with occasional chats than you can by messaging, especially as people read all sorts into texts, but by speaking you'll know for sure if your friendship is cooling down.

If she's a good friend I'd ring her and ask her if anything is wrong.

You automatically assume it's about you or she's self centred but you really don't know

I find your reactions to this (losing sleep, crying in the car) to be rather extreme.

Texting several times a day every day for years is a lot. I'd personally run out of rubbish to tattle on about, and there's only so much nothing many of us really want to talk.

I get that the sudden change is disconcerting though.

So you’ve contacted her and each time she’s replied? Where’s the problem? You said she usually texts you first and it’s either everyday, every other day or every third day and you’re annoyed because you had to message her on day 4. Maybe she is fed up of being the one instigating the chats, I don’t think it’s that I just think like she has told you she has been busy. She’s not the one coming across as self centred in this situation. I think you need to just relax a little because you are coming across as needy, people do get busy with life and yes it only takes 10secs to send a text but it’s not always a priority depending what’s happening that day

It is strange that she's lengthened the time between messages

I think the problem is, you're texting 'hi how are you?' when you really want to say 'hi. we're not texting nearly as much as we used to and you haven't given me any indication that you're busier than normal. have I upset you? I'd really like to sort this out'

For me I couldn't abide having a friendship which involved everyday contact. But you're not me

Also. I do think the emotions you are investing in this essentially text based friendship are quite odd and ott. A bit cloying.

It seems more of an acquaintanceship than a friendship to me

But there’s no reason to think it’s anything at all to do with you! If something is going on that is preoccupying her, she is choosing not to share it for now (and I’m not sure I’d blame her. Text messages aren’t the most obvious method of communicating anything complicated or difficult). Stop making this all about you, and step back a bit. Concentrate more on other friendships for a while. There’s absolutely no need to catastrophise, lose sleep or cry in your car because a friend is texting less.

I too would find it too much but that's not the point, the point is the sudden change. The friend has been the initiator of every day chats for years and talked differently to the OP. Either something stressful is going on in her life or it's something you said. You've tried to contact so I would leave her to come to you now.

I've done this 3 times over the years...stopped texting. And each time was for the same reason. In each case the friend used the calls/texts to offload their stuff and never asked or engaged with anything to do with my life. Once, as experiment, I decided to not tell one friend anything about myself until she asked. By the time she enquired about me I'd got a new job, moved to a new town and bought my first house!

I think it's unfair to say it's just the frequency of texts have changed, although the friend has replied immediately to texts, the tone has obviously changed. If there has been something that's pissed her off why not just say and resolve it, if her mental energy has been drained with life in general why not just say?
You might never know if anything has happened OP but you've asked if she's okay and she's said fine, protect your own MH and don't worry it's you, sometimes friendships change and drift apart. X

I would find that kind of constant contact, especially with someone I wasn’t going to see regularly, really a bit much.

Maybe she was going along with it until now, but has decided finally to put a boundary in place.

One thing if it’s a group chat and everyone can play in and out as they choose, but and individual friend messaging daily - so that it’s a part of everyday life - sounds too much.

Respectfully, OP, this largely text-based friendship with someone you only see once a year seems to take up a lot of your headspace if you’re losing sleep and crying in your car over a slightly longer than usual silence. Why would it be the end of the friendship? She’s possibly got stuff going on she doesn’t want to talk about at the moment, so, if you value the friendship as much as you say, give her some space. No need to catastrophise. And maybe stop asking her how she is, especially if what you mean is ‘Why haven’t you texted me?’ Don’t send texts that require a response, just send the occasional message telling her something you think would interest her. When I needed space, a good long-distance friend and I would exchange periodic photos from our runs, or observations about books. It keeps the connection going while not enquiring into life stuff.

You're suggesting she's selfish or even aggressive, when she's simply replied in kind to your texts, along the lines of, ("fine, how are you?"), which suggests you're getting annoyed and blaming her.

I agree it's upsetting when someone changes the frequency of contact suddenly. No wonder you're confused and worried you've upset her. Are you concerned about how she is?

I wish people would just be honest and say that they don't have the time, mental energy or whatever to reply or have a friendship. Your last update reads to me there's been a change and she doesn't want to engage with you. I would leave it now for her to contact you. X

Might she simply be wanting to reduce the amount of time she spends texting? It seems a lot. You could try just contacting her once a week instead of every day and see if she’s available for that

Well, you’re coming across on here as both needy and passive-aggressive. Assuming, however, that this wasn’t an issue in your friendship, just acknowledge she no longer wants to text daily. You’re allowed to miss that, but equally, she’s allowed to change the frequency. Concentrate on other friendships for now and give her some space.