To think we will never be friends again?

I know exactly how you feel - I had the exact same situation with a friend and it really hurt. I hope you can stay friends and this is temporary but if not, maybe the friendship sadly wasn’t meant to be x

When I was considering whether to go through with my pregnancy, the fact that my best friend was a few weeks pregnant really swayed me. I thought that I had it in me to terminate a pregnancy, but not to then be close to and watch all the milestones that I had missed. All this to say, I really do think that especially with the same date, it would be incredibly hard. Probably is the end of the friendship, and it's no one's fault.

I don't think she's being cruel. She's just in pain. If she is able to have another child, things might revert but not before, I wouldn't have thought.

I'm not sure what your point is. You have no way of quantifying what a loss might mean to someone else.

When it looked likely I couldn’t have children I struggled to be around pregnant women and babies for a while. I became depressed (though people weren’t aware I was) and I used to have one alcoholic drink before I met anyone pregnant to get through it. People cope differently. Although that was a different situation to your friend I imagine the pain is similar.
Ive also been in the situation where I had my longed for baby and my friend had multiple miscarriages. She took 2 months to meet my baby, but I let everything be led by her as I wanted her to be comfortable. I didn’t see much of her when my baby was small, but as my baby got passed 1 years old things went back to normal with her.
I think you should give your friend time. She may not come back to you though because your baby will always be a reminder of what she has lost and what she should be experiencing.

Some of you are being completely ridiculous, so much so that I assume some of you are trolls.

The experience of miscarriage, infertility and grief is not universal.

Just because some of you were able to maintain relationships with people who had successful pregnancies without being completely crushed, does not mean that everyone can or should.

I would have expected a little more compassion from those who have found themselves in similar situations, as opposed to attempting to minimise and belittle someone else’s pain.

There's nothing you can do. Her issue isn't with you it's just the circumstances. Let it go for now.

This

She is being very selfish. I’ve seen a trend for people wallowing more and more in their infertility issues. An early doors miscarriage is statistically to be expected and people have to be prepared for that. She should really improve her coping skills and resilience before trying to get pregnant again or she will be in for a shock that the whole world doesn’t revolve around her.

Not quite the same

I also think she’s been cruel at what should be a happy time for you. You were respecting her request not to talk about the baby so there was no need to ghost you completely.

I think I would end this friendship. Unfollow her, and remove her number and pictures everything.

Going by similar circumstances, when she does get pregnant she’ll expect you to be there giving her baby showers and lots of attention. I would not give her the attention then.

Agree with everyone else. There’s nothing you can do about this other than accept it. I would just put it aside and get on with life with your lovely new baby. She may come back one day and you can decide then whether you want to rekindle the friendship.

Your friend sounds like a horrible person to be honest. My entire family is dead, it doesn’t mean I refuse to be friends with people who have parents and siblings.

I’m so sorry for anyone who has suffered a late term loss. And in those cases it is absolutely understandable that people would find it hard.

But an early miscarriage isn’t the same.It just isn’t. And reality is that most women will miscarry at least once.
But while it’s sad to lose a pregnancy early on, it’s just not the same as losing a baby - an actual baby.

Everyone deals with things differently. She's not coping.

Give her time. Check in every few months, if you want to.

Enjoy your new baby.

Do you know what - if you assume the friendship is done, or at least on hold, you don’t have to censor yourself. You can post what you want on social media, meet up with friends, join baby groups etc and not have to worry and second guess yourself so you don’t hurt her feelings.

She might come back once she’s had a baby, of course that sadly might not happen for her. I assume that she hasn’t got pregnant again even though it must be around 6 months since she lost the baby. Or she may have had another miscarriage in that time and just be utterly raw.

it is sad but she can’t cope with seeing you have what she thought she would have too. I would leave her be.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely baby boy. You sound like an amazing friend. I doubt that many people could be as brave as you in such difficult circumstances.

She’s being cruel and tbh I would go so far as to say she’s being a bit performative iyswim.

As hard as it is to have a miscarriage, the reality is that miscarriage is a part of pregnancy as one in four pregnancies ends in miscarriage before twelve weeks.
If the pain of that is so terrible that someone can’t see a bump without being triggered, then I’d say we would have an incredibly unhealthy female population, given that most women will suffef a miscarriage.

I've had ten miscarriages & 3 stillborns and I would never behave like that she's being cruel towards you.

I would let her get on with it, don't reach out and leave it up to her.

Time to let her go OP as sad as it is, you're both on different journeys now. I think her behaviour is far from ideal and I can't see how you would both find common ground again.

I'm not sure how we got to a situation where some people think it's acceptable to behave like your 'friend' is. I've suffered great losses. Most of us have in some way but good people don't think they have the right to be an arse because they are suffering. How will you feel if she gets pregnant and then wants the friendship to restart. Not only that wants a big fuss made of her and her child. Resentful at best I imagine. You're not in the wrong OP. Enjoy your child and forget the 'friend'.

I think she's being unfair. When I was pregnant with my second my sister had a miscarriage (her first) and my friend had a still born baby at 39 weeks (her second child). Neither made me feel guilty (though I did myself). Both were happy for me (though I'm sure it was v difficult & both were hurting). It is a horrible situation for her but at the same time she's not being a supportive friend.

She is deep in grief and probably a little jealousy. Just leave the door open but it is really up to her to reconnect if she wants. Turn the tables and think how you might feel.

I also think she is being a little unfair. I have been in a similar situation but actually in her situation. My friend and work colleague both got pregnant at the same time. We worked in the same department and had desks next to one another. We shared our pregnancies and compared how we were feeling as we were at the exact same stage of pregnancy with both our babies being due in the same week. Unfortunately when I was 28 weeks pregnant I collapsed at home and was blue lighted to hospital. I had a serious pregnancy related illness called HELLP syndrome and was in ICU. I almost died and my son was delivered early at 29 weeks and died in my arms an hour after birth. She obviously went on to have a healthy full term baby girl. I was off work for 3 months as I recovered from the illness and was given the all clear to go back to work. Going back to work with her was incredibly difficult and I really felt for her because she almost had guilt that her baby was born healthily and was thriving while mine had died. It was difficult because i felt like people didn't want to ask her about her baby in front of me for fear of upsetting me. In the end at a weekly team meeting I asked everyone to please act normally around me. That although I had lost my baby, I didn't want my colleague not to be excited about hers and I encouraged her to bring her baby in to work to show everyone which she hadn't yet done.

I'm not saying it wasn't difficult seeing her and hearing her talk about her baby, knowing mine should have been going through the same stages but I felt it was unfair on her not to able to do so. We stayed friends for a long time.