To think we will never be friends again?

She may come around given some time but your son’s birthday, first day of school etc will always be a painful reminder of what stage her own child would be at.

This is a horrid situation for both of you but you have been nothing but compassionate.

Keep giving her space, she still hasn't recovered from the loss. It may take a while.

Congratulations on your baby. It must be tough not to have your bestie there to share such a special time in your life. I had several miscarriages and friends or acquaintances’ pregnancies and babies were really painful. I was so genuinely happy for them, but just really sad about my babies and sometimes that grief felt overwhelming.

if you can give her more time and space to see what happens rather than calling time now, you might be able to rekindle a friendship. I know it must feel hurtful to not be able to share your lovely baby with her, but perhaps of you can focus contact on other things for now it might take the pressure off? For example, not mentioning the baby but asking her how her wedding plans are going, or work or anything else really.

good luck, it’s a sad situation for all of you.

p.s I’m a long way down the line. I have two happy, healthy (grumpy!) teens now. Thinking back to that time is still so raw and painful though, so I really do feel for your friend.

She did, she went on to have two. 😀

I thinks it's the same birthday that's done it for her OP. I think with time she would've come to terms with her loss and been able to interact with you and your new bundle of joy but now that babybshared same bday as her loss its too hard for her to move past. Your baby will always remind her of her loss too acutely for her to move past it for now. Things may change in the future if she hopefully conceives again but for now give her that space but leave the door wide open for her, she's hurting and as tough as it is for you it's not about your friendship she just needs more time to heal.

Did she go on and have a baby? I am hoping so.

You may find that she’s able to come back to the friendship if she has a successful pregnancy later on. It can take a lot of time to heal emotionally.

You don’t need to take any action here. Allow yourself to feel sad about not being able to share your life with her right now, but don’t give up hope just yet, that one day you might be able to both spend time together as friends and mums. If that time comes, try not to feel resentment towards her for not being there in your baby’s early days and instead feel joy that she got her happy ending too.

It was truly shocking and very sad.

Astounding that people can be so utterly selfish.

The exact same thing happened to me with my best friend. Our pregnancies were a few weeks apart but sadly she miscarried before the first scan. Like your BF, she said it was too hard to be around me for the rest of my pregnancy and on the one occasion our paths did cross I pretty much sat hunched over so she couldn't see my bump because I was so worried about upsetting her. Things came to a head after I'd given birth when my DP had a freak accident and doctors weren't sure he'd pull through. I desperately needed support but she refused to visit, saying she couldn't be around the baby. I ended the friendship there and then, because I had done nothing but put her feelings first yet for months and she couldn't put them aside temporarily during the scariest time of my life. I think you might have to accept that you and she might never reconcile.

People deal with things differently. I’ve been in a similar position to your friend and found things tough although I didn’t cut off friends etc.
Over 10 years on, I still think of the little girl I should have had when I see my friend’s child but it doesn’t hurt like it once did. I would never mention any of this to my friend though.
It’s a cliche but time really is a great healer. Leave the door open for her if you want to and she may come round in time or when she has a baby of her own.
There is nothing you can do one way or another to change how she feels. She needs to deal with this herself and you can’t apologise for living your own life.

This is ridiculous and people shouldn’t indulge someone’s behaviour to this extent. Yes it’s upsetting to have a miscarriage at 12 weeks but lots of women go through that. Cutting off your friend because she has what you want is incredibly self centred and shows that she was never a good friend to begin with. Block her.
Seriously, you can be privately upset but to act like this is out of line. What’s next? Cutting people off because they have the house/marriage/job you wanted? It’s always a certain type of person who does this too - the type who likes it if things go badly for you but cannot cope if you are doing better than them.

Find another friend. It's not your fault.

Would you even want her back?

Congratulations on your baby OP. Enjoy every second with your little one. I am sorry your friend has cut off your friendship since she had a miscarriage. It is hurtful for you. Give her time. Hopefully she will want to make contact in the future but it depends if you want her back in your life. Everyone deals with a painful loss differently.
I know only too well as I lost my baby boy at 26 weeks due to an infection. At the time, 3 of my close friends were all pregnant and we were all due a few months apart. I was absolutely devastated, totally heart broken but for me and my DH, once my friends had their babies we went to visit. It took alot for us but it helped so much at the time as I realised there babies weren't my little boy and they supportive us so much. I had a miscarriage at 7 weeks, 5 months after losing my baby to another infection but then I was so lucky to bring our other baby boy home, 18 months later. I hope your friend will reach out to you and she will bring another baby home in the future.

Miscarriages are cruel and really she needs to go and get therapy. Your baby isn’t her baby and none of this is your fault.

Give her time, she may have had other subsequent miscarriages that she doesn’t feel able to tell anyone about. If (hopefully when) she is able to have a baby your friendship may then resume. Unfollowing you on social media will be to protect herself not to reject you.
I know several posters have said they were in similar positions and able to be more magnanimous and that’s great for them but you cannot understand what your friend is going through.

So do you think you won’t get an invite under the circumstances and if not how would that feel?

I can understand that there is a lot of grief but if I imagine me and my closest friend I couldn’t imagine ghosting her under the same situation.

Agree with others who have said she’s being quite nasty. She will know you already feel guilty and she’s piling it on. Of course it’s sad for her but she’s going too far.

I really feel for you as it is painful to lose a good friend through such circumstances.
In your place I would leave her be. Perhaps a final text wishing her well, that your door is always open, but you will leave her be.
Take it the relationship will not recover from this.
You cannot feel guilty for your childs life.
You will just have to try and focus on other friendships and meeting other new mums.
I feel very sorry for you both.
It is very hard for both sides through neither of you doing any wrong.
Wishing you well.

Give her time. It must be incredibly hard for her.

Good and bad things happen in life, I’ve had miscarriages, lost my parents young, been through some tough times. The one thing that has got me through is my friends. Is it hard seeing friends pregnant, or with wonderful parents when mine were awful? Yes. But if we bin off our friends every time we’re jealous or hurt because of something they have, we probably wouldn’t end up with many!

She’ll reflect on this and regret it in time as you’re clearly lovely. It’s so sad losing a friend and I’m sorry Op, I think it’s often not given the credence it deserves, it needs to be treated like a family bereavement. ❤️

No one can answer your question, probably not even your friend.

Time is a wonderful healer, just keep sending her love and good vibes xxx

Sounds like this poster does have experience and is allowed to share her perspective. And it is quantifiable in some ways though e.g. mothers of stillborn babies get Mat leave, in recognition of the enormous loss and childbirth.