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Original poster

To wonder if I should message one more time (to apologise)?

43 replies

JennaRink · 30/09/2024 17:19

My friend of 10 years is blanking me and seems to have cut me off

When I visited last year we had a small argument which had been brewing. We hadn't seen each other in a year and she kept looking at her phone and messaging people when we were having dinner etc. Eventually I said it was extremely rude and could she stop.

Later on she answered a call from another friend who was crying about some argument she'd had with her partner.This went on and on, until I left the room. She came after me asking if I was upset and I said again it was rude, I was there as a visitor. She refused to apologize and I said she needed to take a look at herself. Not very kind I know.

Months later I've been ghosted. I messaged saying I'm still here for her as a friend but assume a ghosting and haven't heard. When I think about it maybe she's waiting for an apology from me? Should I leave it now or message once last time to apologise?

OP posts:
Original poster
JennaRink · 30/09/2024 17:42

TheJones · 30/09/2024 17:38

I wouldn’t apologise- as she hasn’t. It seems mutual. She’s obviously decided the friendships not for her and moved on. I wouldn’t be grovelling to her. She was rude, she’s cut you off , she doesn’t sound nice

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The thing is she was never like this before.

She was one of the best friends I'd ever had and I mean that sincerely.

What if she was out of character because of her marriage ending and I just stuck the knife in?

The thing is how will I feel if I apologise and still hear nothing? There's nothing stopping her from saying she's upset with me. She clearly it but hasn't said it.

OP posts:
TheJones · 30/09/2024 17:38

JennaRink · 30/09/2024 17:33

I'm torn. If she's not replying she doesn't want to talk.

But I also haven't apologized.

Yes she was being rude herself and even said 'im not going to apologise'. It still wasn't for me to tell her how to behave.

Show quote history

I wouldn’t apologise- as she hasn’t. It seems mutual. She’s obviously decided the friendships not for her and moved on. I wouldn’t be grovelling to her. She was rude, she’s cut you off , she doesn’t sound nice

Original poster
JennaRink · 30/09/2024 17:38

AreYouBrandNew · 30/09/2024 17:33

I think it’s ok to apologise.

Sounds like you didn’t handle it in the best way either - approach could have been softer eg to friend ‘you seem to have a lot on. Can I help. Do I need to get out of your hair’.

Is it still ok to apologise even though she didn't reply to my last message?

At which point am I just hassling her. Though I don't intend to message again after this.

OP posts:
Original poster
JennaRink · 30/09/2024 17:33

wrongthinker · 30/09/2024 17:29

Yes, apologise sincerely and say you value the friendship and would love to talk. Then let it go and don't message again.

I'm torn. If she's not replying she doesn't want to talk.

But I also haven't apologized.

Yes she was being rude herself and even said 'im not going to apologise'. It still wasn't for me to tell her how to behave.

OP posts:
AreYouBrandNew · 30/09/2024 17:33

I think it’s ok to apologise.

Sounds like you didn’t handle it in the best way either - approach could have been softer eg to friend ‘you seem to have a lot on. Can I help. Do I need to get out of your hair’.

TheJones · 30/09/2024 17:31

You did the right thing calling her out. She was incredibly rude. Move on OP and don’t look back!

Original poster
JennaRink · 30/09/2024 17:30

@BrainLife 4 days.

The argument was on day 1. We'd both drank a lot too, bad idea.

The next 3 days were fine though. Or so I thought.

OP posts:
wrongthinker · 30/09/2024 17:29

Yes, apologise sincerely and say you value the friendship and would love to talk. Then let it go and don't message again.

BrainLife · 30/09/2024 17:29

Were you visiting for a day/weekend/week?

Original poster
JennaRink · 30/09/2024 17:28

dixkybow · 30/09/2024 17:25

That's quite bad of you tbh. It's ok for people to answer their phones. Fair enough the texting over dinner is a bit rude but the expectation she should speak to no one because you were visiting is unrealistic

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Yeah I agree. I over reacted.

But she hasn't replied to my last two messages so do I even bother to apologize?

This is a friend that's been there for me for 2 big bereavements and shit relationships before current DP. I feel bad about all of it. Including how she can't be arsed to give me her attention anymore.

OP posts:
dixkybow · 30/09/2024 17:25

JennaRink · 30/09/2024 17:23

I told her she was out of order and to take a look at herself. That was maybe harsh.

When she tried to justify herself by asking she answered the phone to the friend having a problem as she would for me, I said id never do that.

That's quite bad of you tbh. It's ok for people to answer their phones. Fair enough the texting over dinner is a bit rude but the expectation she should speak to no one because you were visiting is unrealistic

Droppit · 30/09/2024 17:25

The world's a big place with lots of people in it. I would also abandon this friendship and move on.

Onlyonekenobe · 30/09/2024 17:23

She showed you with her actions how she feels about your friendship. Leave her be.

Original poster
JennaRink · 30/09/2024 17:23

I told her she was out of order and to take a look at herself. That was maybe harsh.

When she tried to justify herself by asking she answered the phone to the friend having a problem as she would for me, I said id never do that.

OP posts:
Original poster
JennaRink · 30/09/2024 17:22

I know. I still feel she was rude.

One caveat is she had come out of a marriage the year before. So maybe not in the best head space.

At the same time I did sort of character assassinate her in her own home.

OP posts:
GabriellaMontez · 30/09/2024 17:21

What would you apologise for?

VestPantsandSocks · 30/09/2024 17:21

I would leave it.
She was rude and didn't own it.

Catsbreakfast · 30/09/2024 17:20

Why are you apologising if she’s the one being rude? You’re better off without people
who cannot
show you respect by giving you their attention when you make the effort to see them.