Sad we will be spending another Christmas away from home

We live several hundred miles away from either sets of parents and have two young kids. It's difficult - either travel down before Christmas day and run the risk of kids realising Father C isn't real because you have to pack presents, etc. (yes they still believe, yes I want them to believe as long as possible!) or travel down on Christmas day so the kids are stuck in the car for hours when all they and you want to do is play with the presents they've just opened. When the kids are older I'll have no problem with us doing to travelling. Until then I'm happy to fund and host Christmas at ours - so I completely get where they're coming from!

Depends how much you're getting I guess. Our presents from Father Christmas have only ever been stockings so nothing big. Another way we've avoided rods for our own backs and created more flexibility at Christmas.

Sometimes they've waited for a couple of days for one from us if it's not easily transportable but same for whichever set of grandparents we aren't with at Christmas and that's the case whatever house we're at. Doesn't seem to have been a big deal for them waiting a few days. Spreads it out.

The kids are 1 and 3.

This situation has maximum been going on for three years - and for two of those they’ll have had a very small baby <1 year old.

Just because it’s the situation now, doesn’t mean it will be the situation forever.

They’re very welcome to join them for Christmas, it just currently isn’t going to be at the grandparents home. This is no huge slight or drama.

The London mass exodus at Christmas is terrible. Factor in a 1 year old and a 3 year old, buggies, presents, luggage… absolutely reasonable for them not to do it. It’s their children’s Christmas too and they should be able to enjoy it and make special memories at home.

To turn this round, you have a lovely family who offer a standing invitation to see them on Christmas day (sleeping in a hotel because they can't possibly put you up at home), and a lovely Church community who arrange a wonderful though different Christmas celebration. And you have your faith! Many people are facing a Christmas with none of these gifts, but instead of comparing yourselves to them, you feel resentful about your son's in laws who live thousands of miles from their grandchildren and have far fewer opportunities than you to spend time with them during the year. You could try being grateful, it would make such a difference. Hope you have a great Christmas whichever option you choose.

To be fair to the OP, if her son, his wife and their children can travel to Serbia to spend Christmas with her family, surely it would be no different or more difficult to visit his family for Christmas?

I think you should just be grateful for what you have at the moment.
The children are still very very young, come back to ask your son about alternate Christmas visits when the eldest starts school, right now just enjoy they accept a week of your company, most wouldn't be invited for that long imo.

I'd be gutted too

Seems quite rigid not being able to travel up once every couple of years 😕. YANBU to be disappointed.

Absolutely sod traveling by train all that way at Christmas with two toddlers. I used to make that journey every year pre-children and it was HORRENDOUS then but would be absolutely unbearable with toddlers. Every year there would be delays, the train would be packed, seat reservations would become invalid, I’d spend Christmas ill from something I’d caught on the overcrowded trains. Hell.

DIL can’t help that her family live in Serbia. That’s the kind of distance where if they don’t make the effort she’d never see her family. You can travel to see them at least a few times a year even if it’s not at Christmas, and they let you holiday with them too.

If you don’t want to travel to them for Christmas then don’t. See them before or after. Right now they are in the trenches, you need to let them be. In a few years they may be in a better position to manage British public transport at Christmas when the children are older, or maybe by then they will have a car and can drive to you.

Yes but it’s going to really ruin the Christmas magic to say “Sorry Timmy you’ve got no presents from Santa but you’ll get them when we get home”

because mummy and daddy couldn’t lug them all on the train to the North East and back again

You see a lot of your son and his family OP - you are very lucky . I think it is fair that little ones be in their home at Christmas time - it’s part of the Father Christmas magic

Yes, some years. Not every year. It's not a compromise from either side if either wants to be at home every year. OP isn't asking for every year.

I think it's nice that your son checks in early and decorates the hotel room. It shows that he is trying.

Your disappointment is understandable. For years I trekked 8 hours to be with my sister's family at Christmas and last year decided not to. I doubt they cared one way or the other. It was really nice to have Christmas at home before a roaring fire even though I was alone. You at least would have your husband.

Why not stay home and just FaceTime for a while on Christmas morning?

The children are 1 and 3.

My in laws live in the NE and whist we regularly travelled with DD when she was little we absolutely never did at Xmas (we don’t celebrate so usually go away somewhere else) and I wouldn’t even consider doing it on a train with 2 tiny children.

So your choice is Xmas at home or Xmas with your grandchildren. At 1 and 3 they aren’t going to notice if you’re there or not so if you want Xmas at home, stay at home.

If they have young children I can understand wanting to be at home for Christmas. Especially if they do the whole Santa thing. Do they cart all the kids presents up to the North East only to cart them all back down the road again? What a pain.

I can appreciate a hotel is not very festive but that’s not what makes Christmas is it? It’s family. Or is Christmas for you more about your church than your family? I guess that’s the choice you have to make here.

As for them going to Serbia well are they carting a whole load of Christmas presents out there with them or just the DC? I think it’s nice that they spend orthodox Christmas with 1 side and Anglican Christmas with the other.

I read the first sentence and was off.

you have one son
these are your only grandchildren

and feeling “festive ” is more important than being with them?

and it’s all I I I

no mention of your husband’s preference

I think if they go every year to Serbia to her Family its tricky the expense of two journeys. I would invite them early December for a visit/holiday and stay home this Christmas. Christmas doesn't have to be the same every year and if you always go down to them there will come a time you can't do that and you will not have the Christmas at home bon homie as you haven't ever been there. I might also suggest you pay for the train fare for them. At least this way its an adventure not a chore as no hoiking of presents around etc and its just a visit.

for me? i’d suck up anything to be with my grandchild and child

sod how “christmassy” it feels

IMO the being uncompromising is wanting someone with a baby and a toddler to travel halfway across the country because you want to spend Christmas in your own home…!

what does your husband want to do?

YABU, to be honest you are very lucky you get to spend every Christmas with them instead of having to alternate. It’s nice for young kids to spend Christmas in their own home and it would be horrendous to have to take two kids and all the presents on a long train ride near Christmas. I think you’re actually being quite selfish given you have less commitments than they do and presumably are retired or are approaching retirement?

I suppose it depends on whether your home and church make Christmas or being around your son and his family. I absolutely love a Christmas at home. I think it’s fair to hope that they do alternate years at yours and theirs. And I think it’s ok for you to stay at home and enjoy Christmas there if they choose not to come. You could always FaceTime them a few times and watch the children opening presents.

I don't even know how I would be able to travel with two toddlers, the buggy, the suitcases and the presents on a packed slow train.