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Original poster

Sad we will be spending another Christmas away from home

243 replies

RosenNn · 30/09/2024 14:20

DH and I are very religious, we attend church weekly and it makes up a massive part of our life. We have 1 son, he lives in London and is married, his wife isn't British but they are also very religious. In her country they celebrate Christmas in January (Serbia) and they attend church often too but Orthodox Christian rather than Anglican which DH and I are.
They have 2 children who are 1 and 3, so far every year we have travelled to them for Christmas and Easter, we celebrate a typical British Christmas, including going to a CofE church near them. They live very central (Zone 1) so only have a 2 bed flat which is pretty tiny, this means we get a hotel. I find this so unfestive (even though my son checks in for us early and adds some little decorations). I miss our local church where all our friends are.
I asked if this year they would like to come to us and they have said no. It makes me really sad as they travel to her family in January for Christmas with them.
They only actually come to see us once a year in the summer, we go on holiday with them in October then travel to see them the other 2 times.
AIBU to be really sad it is another year away from home? Should I express how much id rather they came to us or suck it up?

OP posts:
Nannyoggapple · 30/09/2024 15:56

Why don't you two stay at home by yourselves?

You don't have to spend every single Christmas with them

BruFord · 30/09/2024 15:56

ItTook9Years · 30/09/2024 15:52

Haven’t RTFT. Could finances be part of the reason that they go to Serbia, I.e., they can afford to travel, but perhaps your DIL’s family can’t afford flights and a London hotel? Plus London is pretty miserable in January, the festivities are over and the weather is often grim!

DH’s nuclear family comprises 14 people. It’s considerably easier for us (3) to visit them, as it is for OP’s son and family.

@ItTook9Years Sorry, I’m abit confused! Is your DH in a similar situation to the DIL, I.e., his family lives in another European country?

ObliviousCoalmine · 30/09/2024 15:55

Off topic but what is the jumping off point from 'religious' to 'very religious'?

maudmadrigal · 30/09/2024 15:55

I can understand why you want to have Christmas at home. You've asked, they've said no (or have they said not this year?), and you'd rather see the grandkids than spend it at home so you're going there. It's a shame for you, but you've made the decision that suits you best of the options available to you.

The Serbian Christmas is a bit of a red herring.

My parents live overseas (emigrated when they retired). They asked us to go over there for Christmas a few times and we always said no. We wanted our children to have Christmas at home - over the years we've developed our own Christmas traditions/habits etc and we like being here. My parents have always been welcome to visit us - they've done so twice over the years (my eldest child is 18 now). We all make our own choices based on our own priorities and that's all you can do. I'm sorry it's a difficult choice and you're sad about it.

Autumn38 · 30/09/2024 15:55

RosenNn · 30/09/2024 15:01

Thank you everyone. I wouldn't consider not seeing them at all on Christmas, not when the kids are so little, I'd rather travel than miss out, it would just be nice for them to see us here too sometimes.
Normally we go 21st-27th, do some things alone and some things with them, then around the start of the year they go to Serbia.
I don't feel like we don't see them enough, whenever we do see them its for almost a week, doing that 4 times a year means we spend a good amount of time with them!
They don't drive so it would have to be the train and we do lots of things to make it festive while there bit nothing compares to home.

I think I would try and enjoy being the nice easy ones who go to them and allow them to have some down time before the craziness of going to Serbia. Also - your DGC will have lovey memories of you sharing their christmasses in their family home. You said it yourself that ‘nothing compares to home’ and you get to be part of that ‘home’ for them, something their other family will never have.

you get to spend EVERY Christmas with your DS and family - how amazing is that. Their children won’t be little forever and things change but for now enjoy seeing them all.

MumblesParty · 30/09/2024 15:53

Would it be nicer if you rented a house near them for a few days, rather than staying in a hotel? It wouldn’t be home, or your usual church, but you could make it more homely than a hotel, and you could host Christmas dinner.

TheAlchemy · 30/09/2024 15:53

JudgeJ · 30/09/2024 15:49

And the maternal in-laws are always favoured! I know this is MN but it really doesn't have to be so difficult travelling with young children, I know because we did it many times

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I really don’t understand how you think the DIL is favouring her family here.

OP doesn’t celebrate orthodox Christmas and her family do. She could very well take the kids to Serbia for Anglican Christmas but she doesn’t because she wants them to be in the UK with their British grandparents.

Lockupyourbiscuits · 30/09/2024 15:52

Count your blessings
If you are fit and you can travel and are welcome with your family you are very lucky

Its a special time of year and surely your Son and grandchildren are more important than your church friends ?

ItTook9Years · 30/09/2024 15:52

Haven’t RTFT. Could finances be part of the reason that they go to Serbia, I.e., they can afford to travel, but perhaps your DIL’s family can’t afford flights and a London hotel? Plus London is pretty miserable in January, the festivities are over and the weather is often grim!

DH’s nuclear family comprises 14 people. It’s considerably easier for us (3) to visit them, as it is for OP’s son and family.

hillroad · 30/09/2024 15:52

I can’t imagine feeling more “festive” not being with my only child and only grandchildren than with them
but hey Op… you can 🤷

FlowertFlowers · 30/09/2024 15:50

Edited

JudgeJ · 30/09/2024 15:49

FlowertFlowers · 30/09/2024 14:31

It’s lovely that you see so much of your son and family, four times a year including a holiday. I wouldn’t say a word and just count my blessings . Your DIL probably misses her family and it’s understandable she wants to travel to see them for xmas.

And the maternal in-laws are always favoured! I know this is MN but it really doesn't have to be so difficult travelling with young children, I know because we did it many times

ManchesterLu · 30/09/2024 15:48

Kitkat1523 · 30/09/2024 14:26

Difficult….why not spend time with them in the lead up to Christmas….but go home for actual christmas

Yep, exactly this. Then the children get an extra "Christmas", and you get to spend the day at home.

Edit: Just to add, there's A LOT to do in London on the run up to Christmas. It would probably be a much better, enjoyable time for you to visit then! The run up is often the most magical part anyway.

BruFord · 30/09/2024 15:48

Haven’t RTFT. Could finances be part of the reason that they go to Serbia, I.e., they can afford to travel, but perhaps your DIL’s family can’t afford flights and a London hotel? Plus London is pretty miserable in January, the festivities are over and the weather is often grim!

I’d give it time with traveling to you. Right now, they have to pack buggies and massive car seats for their toddlers, but it’ll be much easier when they’re primary-age. Toddlers often get upset when traveling-my DS hated being in unfamiliar places-but he completely changed at 5 when he understood what was happening.

LetsSeeHowFarWeveCome · 30/09/2024 15:48

YABU

They have small children and want to spend the December holidays in their own home rather than lug them and all their stuff to someone else's house. Don't blame them at all.

You see them throughout the year, perhaps find another winter break instead if you want to spend Christmas at home with your church family.

SmudgeButt · 30/09/2024 15:45

Frankly I quite get why they travel to Serbia for Christmas and for other times too. Her children are being raised as English. She wants them to know about her culture. English Christmas is everywhere but it would be hard for her to have a Serbian Christmas with them here.

Why not stay where you are for Dec 25th and then travel with them to Serbia to see what it's like there? You might enjoy it.

betterangels · 30/09/2024 15:44

Cynic17 · 30/09/2024 14:34

You can have Christmas at home, in your own church! You don't need to spend Christmas with your son and family - it's certainly not usual to see family every single year. Enjoy Christmas with your friends and church group, and see your son some other time.

Do this.

SJM1988 · 30/09/2024 15:43

Travelling with young kids for Christmas is hard. Now we have 2 children we don't travel unless it is for one off special reasons at Christmas (we do every 4 years in Scotland with DH family or if we ever decide to spend Christmas in Australia with in laws). Christmas Eve, Day and Boxing Day we stay at home.
My parents live in North Wales (us the Midlands). There is no way we would visit at Christmas now if we had to get the train. My parents are retired and always welcome to ours. They mostly travel to use during the year (we go there once or twice a year) because it is 100 times easier for them to travel than us around work and with the kids etc.
My DH family (not parents as they are in Australia) are also between 1 and half hours and 3 hours away from us. We tend to take it in turns to travel after boxing day (some also have kids and stay home for Christmas)

harrumphh · 30/09/2024 15:43

Since you want to be in your home surely you understand that equally they would want to be in their home.

Calamitousness · 30/09/2024 15:43

To be honest, they might like a Xmas on their own. If you want to go to them then I think you need to suck it up for many years to come. I would never want to have been anywhere but home as a child. Mine are now older teenagers and still won’t visit my family who don’t live in England. Do you not have other children you could share time with?

ItTook9Years · 30/09/2024 15:40

Dweetfidilove · 30/09/2024 15:32

Seems quite rigid not being able to travel up once every couple of years 😕. YANBU to be disappointed.

We travelled to my only set of grandparents EVERY year. 6 hours of driving and I was horrendously travel sick. These are not happy memories, and a big part of why I hate everything about Xmas (and all the expectations) and so sack it off completely.

The OP is being completely ridiculous.

TheAlchemy · 30/09/2024 15:39

Getonwitit · 30/09/2024 15:38

And the Christmas magic of the Orthodox Christmas, shouldn't the children experience that in their own home ?

OP doesn’t celebrate orthodox Christmas so why would the DC choose to spend it with the OP? Of course they go to Serbia, an orthodox country, for Orthodox Christmas.

Anxioustealady · 30/09/2024 15:39

The children are the priority at Christmas, not grandparents. They will be happier in their own home. You had your child's Christmases, now it is their turn, they only have a few years where they are small.

You can say "I would love to host one year" but I wouldn't push it more than that.

Getonwitit · 30/09/2024 15:38

And the Christmas magic of the Orthodox Christmas, shouldn't the children experience that in their own home ?

TheAlchemy · 30/09/2024 15:37

DappledThings · 30/09/2024 15:36

Depends how much you're getting I guess. Our presents from Father Christmas have only ever been stockings so nothing big. Another way we've avoided rods for our own backs and created more flexibility at Christmas.

Sometimes they've waited for a couple of days for one from us if it's not easily transportable but same for whichever set of grandparents we aren't with at Christmas and that's the case whatever house we're at. Doesn't seem to have been a big deal for them waiting a few days. Spreads it out.

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Wouldn’t be my kids but each to their own.