To ask XH for some money now DD is living here 100%

You can apply to the court to have it sold to release your share surely?

That's even worse that he gets to live in your family home while you pay high rent. And he's a high earner.

Get the claim in OP!

Absolutely time to insist the family home is sold to get your share.

You also need to attribute a share of the rent to housing DD as a home with fewer bedrooms would be cheaper, as would not being close to her school etc.

Agree then that the ‘family’ home needs to be sold so you can both adequately house yourselves. We had ours nested and the finally sold. Also, school trips remain a joint expense.

You could go back and explain politely that forcing DD will not improve her relationship with him just damage it further.

You could remind him that £600 is the legal MINIMUM.

TBH just go through CMS as he'll likely be controlling and start dictating what he will and won't pay half for.

Stop bothering to try and be reasonable with him. Of course he isn’t going to be willing to pay but just go to cms. Just do it, no messing around giving him an opportunity.

Does she have room at his house though? It’s a difficult one. I’m in this situation as my 16yo prefers dad’s as it’s near school, mates and his patch. He has a room in each house. We have two over 18s as well. One is working and moves between, neither of us charge rent. One at uni who we equally contribute to. I bought a house that fitted all the kids, and have to pay for that. If ex wanted cms, then 16yp would need to equally spend time at mine. There were 6 months I had nowhere for kids, so I paid cms including for the child who worked.

He can get to school, there is a direct school bus and can be given lifts to mates. If I’d have planned for him not to be with me, I’d have bought a smaller property and had lower expenses. As we share clothing and living costs for him, the only additional expense is more food each week. Mortgage, utilities etc have to be paid anyway. So it depends really on how you split expenses and if he has room for her.

You should be paying him to feed his child an extra day? What

Don't give the man any opportunity to send shitty messages, he refuses to behave himself so all contact should be through a parenting app. Block him on all other platforms. Forget the spreadsheet and get CMS to make him pay for his kid.
Enjoy the peace.

The guys just had to deal with being rejected by his daughter, and that will sting. On top of that he's now being asked for money - it's easier to be angry at you and blame you 'enticing her for money' than just ' he wasn't good enough'.

It's not right, and he should of course pay more, but it's not just facts and figures

£40 per week instead of £600. What a pisstaker.

I'd reply to say no thanks. Get that CMS claim in today OP!

Be aggressive is designed to scare you, go to CMS it's the legal MINIMUM he has to pay.

He isn't ever going to be reasonable, because he isn't a reasonable man is he?

I would just go straight to CMS, the fact he reacted that way shows he can't be relied on.

My SIL asked her XH for an extra £25 a month when their DD was about 16. He hadn't increased the maintenance since he left when she was 2 (he had an affair and moved in with the GF) and it was only ever an informal agreement. He sent some extremely nasty messages back so she went to CMS and he had to pay £150 a month more, he messaged being all nice and offered I think it was £50 a month but SIL said no and they were only going via official channels now.

He has never wanted to contribute and now she's at uni he pays as little as possible as apparently him and his GF want to do stuff so need the money.

I personally found the reverse and going the CMS route led to a reduction in conflict. My ex was self employed too, unlike the OP’s ex. We had a private arrangement to begin with but my ex would delay and muck around with payments whenever there was some unrelated issue he wasn’t happy with. He was annoyed at first that I went CMS but it settled after that.

It doesn’t seem like the OP’s husband is very amenable or receptive to reasonable discussion with his remark that the OP should be paying him for having more of the DD’s care.

Well doesn't he think he's cute?

Straight to CMS see how funny he thinks it is then.

I was going to suggest this - if he can see that he is 'getting a better deal' for want of a better turn of phrase then he might be willing to revise his original opinion. But make sure that before you do this you know exactly how much extra you want from him.

One thing to consider is that going down to CMS route may lead to issues down the line. Before pressing that button, I would suggest to your ex that he has an option to pay you £X extra or you will have no option but to go to the CMS and send him a link to the calculator.

Whilst the CMS may be a higher amount, getting it paid is another matter and it can be years of stress to force it. Whilst you’re relatively on good speaking terms maybe try the option above first?

Start a CMS claim now. It starts from the date you claim and it's really easy. It can feel a little aggressive, but his responses so far don't suggest he's going to come round to your way of thinking.

They do if they’re honest, decent people. It’s not a ‘Mumsnet myth’ about self-employed people not paying. Loads of them don’t and the CMS find it really hard to make them. There’s sickening Facebook groups where they all pat each other on the back for paying as little as possible (preferably nothing).