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Original poster

To ask for my money back?

87 replies

Bitawkwarddilemma · 30/09/2024 13:36

Bit of an awkward one. I hate talking about money at the best of times!

My elderly neighbour is struggling a little, car is out of action at the moment and she seems a little lonely. So, I offered to run her to the supermarket at the weekend as, although her son takes her shopping, she likes to have a mooch round and get out.

DD and I took her yesterday, got our bits while neighbour got hers, then I gave neighbour a hand at the till and packing etc.

Neighbour is waiting for new bank card to arrive so only had cash, which I knew, but then the bill got rung up, it was £90 ABOVE what she had with her!
I just put the difference on my card as wanted to make it easy for neighbour, then I dropped her home and took her shopping in for her.
She asked for my bank details, which I wrote down for her, and then we said bye.

Money hasn't appeared yet but it's only been a day. If it had been £10 or £20 then I wouldn't have minded and probably written it off, but £90 is more than a weekly food shop for us! We simply can't afford it.

Ugg, I have her son's number but just feel so awkward. I'm starting to realise why he doesn't let her go shopping without him...and why he's quite 'bossy' with her (her words), he seems lovely and very approachable, but still.
have I been an idiot? Should I have offered to help her put some things back? That probably would've been easiest, but in the moment, I just wanted to help and didn't want her to feel embarrassed.
what would you do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Bitawkwarddilemma · 30/09/2024 13:54

I agree - I would also want to know if it was my relative.
if she's not able to when I pop
over, I'll message her son..

OP posts:
Original poster
Bitawkwarddilemma · 30/09/2024 13:52

Thanks all, I was just sitting stewing so gave her a quick call (she's my neighbour but a few mins walk away) and she said she's been trying but hasn't managed as she couldn't read my writing, so I've said I'll pop in on way to do school run, so fingers crossed all will be sorted!
thank you everyone - was getting a bit anxious about it all!

OP posts:
Icedlatteofdreams · 30/09/2024 13:52

Ivehearditbothways · 30/09/2024 13:48

Don’t wait. Tell the son now. My Gran was your neighbour and really, we wish people had just told us whenever she managed to do something like that. We hated that some friend or neighbour had been sitting for a week or two fretting about how to handle it, and feeling awkward or upset or in a difficult position. If they’d just told us straight away, we’d have sorted it and also been able to talk to them about not taking her out again or being careful etc.

Message the son. You can do it in a “just so you know.” Just say she asked to go with you so you took her and she may have been confused but her bill went £90 over what she had with her so you paid it and just wanted him to be aware as you may have made a mistake taking her and you’re not sure if she is able to pay you back but that you can’t afford to lose the money etc.

Honestly I would do this. I would want to know and I would be mortified that anyone went without due to my mum.

Wendysfriend · 30/09/2024 13:50

It's an awkward one. Transfers usually happen quite quickly but I have encountered some taking longer. I think if it were me, I'd wait until the son was visiting and pop out with your bank details and say something like "I was just going to give your mum my bank details again as I think she might have misplaced them", he'll hopefully ask why.

Ivehearditbothways · 30/09/2024 13:48

Don’t wait. Tell the son now. My Gran was your neighbour and really, we wish people had just told us whenever she managed to do something like that. We hated that some friend or neighbour had been sitting for a week or two fretting about how to handle it, and feeling awkward or upset or in a difficult position. If they’d just told us straight away, we’d have sorted it and also been able to talk to them about not taking her out again or being careful etc.

Message the son. You can do it in a “just so you know.” Just say she asked to go with you so you took her and she may have been confused but her bill went £90 over what she had with her so you paid it and just wanted him to be aware as you may have made a mistake taking her and you’re not sure if she is able to pay you back but that you can’t afford to lose the money etc.

HoraceGoesBonkers · 30/09/2024 13:47

It sounds like she's got form for this sort of thing if her son normally takes her. and also she's possibly gone off and bought high end stuff while he's not around to make sure she's stuck to a budget. Ask her now then get onto her son if they money doesn't appear pronto.

Thedogscollar · 30/09/2024 13:45

I'd give it another day or two.
Was she planning to transfer the money using online banking? If so that literally takes minutes so she's either forgotten or is unable to carry this out and js maybe waiting for her son to help her.
If no money appears by tomorrow I'd call remind her and call the son.
Yes I'd be helping by doing what you can when you can but I'd not be involving money.
She must have got a huge shop for one person if she went £90 over her budget.

Original poster
Bitawkwarddilemma · 30/09/2024 13:43

Thanks Miss Skegness, ugg, it feels awkward but I'll pop up I guess...

OP posts:
Original poster
Bitawkwarddilemma · 30/09/2024 13:42

Thanks Barrio, I don't think I'll be going again, she's sweet, quite eccentric, but it's just awkward now. Everything she chose was very high end, that's why it cost so much.
I'll leave it till the end of this week.

OP posts:
MissSkegness1951 · 30/09/2024 13:41

Act upon it now before the receipt conveniently goes missing.

Knock with the pretence of seeing how she is and ask her to transfer the money NOW.

BarrioQueen · 30/09/2024 13:39

I'd give it until the end of the week and then I'd remind her and say you'd happily take cash. I also would not take her shopping again. It seems a strange thing to go that far over her budget if she only had cash with her.

Original poster
Bitawkwarddilemma · 30/09/2024 13:39

Also, it doesn't feel right asking her for money, she's a little ditsy bless her, I guess the only option is to message her son? I'm pretty sure she'll have the receipt showing the balance I paid..
I really wanted to help as I feel bad for not helping my Dad before he died, but with doing things - not by giving money!!!

OP posts:
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