The issue began when our dc was born and Dh and I decided not to let sil around the baby, she has bipolar and other MH issues is very unpredictable and can change in an instant from calm and chatty to screaming, shouting, threatening and throwing things,
back to calm again.
She lost her own dc due to the unpredictable and chaotic life she leads and now lives back with pil.
She also refuses to take meds and then uses that as an excuse.
She has threatened me with violence and has a vile mouth before calming down and expecting all to be forgotten because that's just who she is and the rest of her family just accept it.
The issue now is that mil and fil feel we have treated her unfairly and we should apologise and make up, this isn't something that needs a handshake and apology this is the safeguarding of our dc and we strongly feel our dc should not be around this so we have clearly said we will not visit their house but are happy for them to visit us or somewhere neutral but not with sil.
Mil and pil have reacted by saying they will not visit or see us all the time she is not welcome too, so we have not seen them since dc was born. Our dc are now both in primary school.
We have had numerous pleas from other in-laws to include her or not contact any of them again.
Dh has pleaded with his parents to come and see their GC and every time they say not without her, she can usually be heard in the background shouting and swearing about that as they like to use loudspeaker.
They have told Dh he will be cut out of the will and cut out of his family unless he makes up with his sister.
Have we done the right thing? Nobody expected it to escalate this much, he still wants a relationship with his family but not on their terms and his mum is as loud and gobby as his sister so he never gets a word in just gets abuse so he doesn't bother trying to make any boundaries as he's shouted over.
I have tried to stay out of this as it's his family but they keep on texting me asking me to talk to Dh and get him to speak to sil.
They don't have Dh number as he changed it years ago but they still have mine and keep texting me, I've tried blocking them but they use a different number or get someone else to do it.
Have things gone too far? Were we unreasonable?