to wonder if I'm out of touch with conversational norms?

I went on a first date last night and the man could not stop interrupting me. He would ask a question then literally get bored of my trying to answer it. He obviously didn't care about what I had to say and just wanted to get back to him talking (about himself).

Massive ick.

To be clear, I'm referring to conversation between friends, not at work or formal polite conversation (e.g. with people you don't know well/at a wedding etc)

Fact is, friends speak enthusiastically. I find it reeeeeally weird when (uptight) people get upset by this. It's so awkward. Natural conversation takes turns, but with massive overlaps. I don't mind being spoken over and find it so offputting when someone goes all cat's-bum-face over someone mildly speaking over them.

Of course, nobody wants to be cut off and constantly shouted down, but overlapping conversational turns is a normal feature of intimate speech.

Why is it now ruder to point out that someone else has been rude than the person being rude in the first place?
I'm autistic and prone to getting over excited at times in conversations and can interrupt. But over the years of people pointing it out to me I do it far less often
And if I notice myself doing it I apologise and let them carry on. I don't feel "shamed" for it.
Obviously there might be nicer ways of pointing it out than just "can I finish?", but why should someone have to try and avoid being rude if the other person is already being rude? Maybe the person pointing it out isn't being rude, maybe they're autistic and come across more blunt than they think they are. I often struggle with my tone at times and I genuinely don't mean it how it apparently sounds. But again if it's pointed out I apologise and explain I didn't meant it that way.
Not every instance of pointing out a bad thing is "shaming". I am forever thankful to all my friends and family and even strangers over the years who helped stop me doing bad/rude/antisocial behaviours.

It's always been very rude to call someone out for a lack of manners.

I remember a story told me about how someone was dining at a duke's table and drank the water in the finger bowl (which is actually for washing your hands). The story goes that the duke copied immediately.

The point of the story was that manners are there to help make everyone more comfortable.

If you are calling people out on their lack of manners (interrupting, etc) then you are being much ruder than they are. You are effectively telling them off in public which isn't on.

So yes, if someone interrupted you and you called them out on it you are the rude one.

I've also noticed how people all or talk about something they want to, once they are done they ask how you are....you start to respond and before you can sya much they cut you off with that's great but I have to go now. Makes you feel a bit used, they only called to get their information off their chest and that's it

It’s not possible to know without knowing you whether you’re an endless monologuer where the alternatives are interruption or total silence for long periods, or whether you’re surrounded by people who can’t listen to three consecutive sentences without breaking in.

However, your responses on here do sound a little Little Miss Manners-ish, and passive-aggressive, especially the emphasis on your upbringing, the efforts you’ve gone to to teach your children not to interrupt, and your weary insistence that you go out socially determined to say as little as possible because you don’t want to ‘jostle for the right to be heard’ and the ‘Can I finish, Sandra?’ — this all sounds to me as if you have a rigid idea of conversational norms, and get cross when other people break your internalised code of manners. Is it possible that you simply lack fluency in conversational terms if you really experience social occasions as a ‘jostle’ to be heard? Like a driver who hesitates unduly long before making a turn…?

Or are you not that interested in what is being said by others? Because if I were mapping ‘airtime’ and interruptions as you seem to be doing, it would mean I was generally bored by the conversation. If I’m interested in what’s being said, I’ll be asking questions to elicit more information from the speaker/s, eg someone is talking about being blind-auditioned for an orchestra seat, and I might interrupt with ‘How is that actually done these days? How do they actually screen you off from the panel?’ but I’m interrupting because I want to imagine more fully what they’re talking about…?

I’m not quietly spoken but this happens to me all the time! I even got negative feedback in a previous role because I didn’t “chip in” (interrupt people!) and didn’t demonstrate I could hold my own in a conversation.
I think it’s really bloody rude but ‘work me’ has learned to interrupt, talk over people and keep going until I’ve finished my point. I hate it but needs must and no one else seems offended! I think we are a dying breed @Thisisntthowisawthisgoing

I've definitely noticed an increase in what you describe. Also monologuing, and conversational habits such as responding to a personal anecdote (even a serious or upsetting one) with a similar experience of one's own immediately, without even acknowledging the former. To me this is rude but apparently now it is normal and a way of 'showing empathy' because it shows you have at least understood even if it shows no interest in hearing anything further about it or expressing any opinion, comfort or advice.

I wondered if it was cultural as I have moved to a new area of the UK but perhaps not. I can confirm I am definitely not a monologuer myself as I am very aware of this behaviour from family.

Conversation like this seems to be talking at each other when there is a gap and it's quite tedious. Just an exchange of data

This happens to me all the time! I can be several words into a comment/question having listened politely, then someone else starts speaking over me. I find it so frustrating, especially when they say exactly what I was about to say.

Another example is when there's a lull in the conversation so I open a new topic which is then completely hijacked by someone else:
Me: 'So, DH and I had a lovely day out on Saturday. We got the train up to London and went to that new..........'
Friend: 'Oh we went to London last week too! We had theatre tickets blah blah blah', and then goes on for several minutes about her day out.

Are you quietly spoken OP? I am, and I think this may be part of the problem. I can't imagine speaking over some of friends/family (even if wanted to interupt) who have loud voices!

@Lemonyfuckit I feel the same. I actually dread calling places because I feel I get interrupted before I can get the important details out. And once they do interrupt they start rattling off information or responding to something that I'm not actually saying.

An even more subtle example is:

"I'm calling to check if my prescription has arrived. I requested it yesterday as an-"

"Well prescriptions take 48 hours so if you need it before that then you needed to request as an emergency prescription."

"Yes sorry I know. I spoke with Linda and she said that it was put through as an emergency and-"

"What item is it?"

"Well I am usually prescribed 100mg of Pickmeup but-"

"There's no Pickmeup here."

"They said there's a shortage of Pickmeup so the GP might prescribe a different brand but didn't say which."

"Oh... (sighs) Yes it's here."

Like is that a normal conversation? I get that they have to deal with people taking ten minutes to tell a big long story but:

"Hi I'm calling to check if my prescription has arrived. I ordered it on yesterday as an emergency. I usually get 100mg of Pickmeup but because of the shortage they said it might be another brand"

would take less than ten seconds to say and the whole interaction would feel a lot less aggressive. It is really jarring not to be given even a few seconds to explain a situation before getting bulldozed.

Yes, I think it is related to this. I would argue that it is the influence of the smart phone, the instant information is available and humans are not wired like that so some people's instinct is to speed these moments up.

I wonder if it's to do with how life, i formation is sent to us quickly, we consume it quickly we move onto the next thing quickly. I find that alot. People want to say something and people csnt wait u til they have finished they want to quickly say what they have to say then move o to the next point.

It's a post covid thing, I think. I really noticed I was doing it when we were released back into society. I live by myself, so went for months on end without any in person conversations and just lost the ability. I found I was hogging conversations and talking over people, I think because I just hadn't spoken enough for too long.
It's a bad habit that's hard to shake off.

I spend all day on the phone and the amount of children talking away to their parent whilst they're on the phone...
I would have tried it once and got a glare and "I'm on the PHONE, shut up"

My ex used to talk non stop, no one could get a word in so I used to interrupt him.

In general I don't interrupt unless they've been droning on and I'm bored and want to change the subject.

As someone who has been frequently interrupted their whole life, this isn’t a new thing. I don’t bother much to attempt conversation these days, other than with the people I live with. And they often interrupt me too!

I'm a chronic interrupter, I appreciate being gently reined in. I'm working really really hard on not doing it.
A major problem for me is most people speeeaak sooooo slowwwwlyyy. Go put a youtube video on half speed or even slower and that's what normal conversation sounds like for me unless I'm speaking with someone who speaks as fast as I do! I often play voicenotes and YouTube videos on double speed.
People's attention spans are fucked basically.

I'm not saying you do this, but I'm increasingly finding people in customer services interrupting me, the customer, which I find incredibly rude. Particularly when it's just to repeat something I already know / have already been told and is of no help whatsoever in solving my problem.

I hate TV interviews and panels of guests where they’re talking over each other , it’s exhausting, rude and ignorant.

I find conversations styles odd these days. It's hard to know who is being rude, if anyone.

I have wondered if it is due to more online interactions, less time spent with real people? But I am not sure.

My husband thinks I interrupt. But he makes these long pauses, and I think he is really done, even knowing that I need to wait for his pauses! But I find his whole family's conversational style very odd, completely at odds with my family (he feels the same in the opposite direction.)

Yanbu, being interrupted is one of my pet peeves, everyone seems to do it and I've noticed sometimes multiple people do it at once and almost shout and I have no idea which way the conversation is going. I don't even talk that much, I'm usually the 'listener' but now I just find conversations draining because unless you're willing to shout and be rude it seems you don't have a voice.

@stayathomer I don't think that's rude though, sometimes it's easy to think a person has finished when they pause. Apologising for interrupting is good manners and I wouldn't think badly of you if it happened. Completely different from when people just barge in regardless!