Page 6 | To be so pissed off?

CatamaranViper · 04/10/2024 11:59

I agree with getting a ring camera or some sort of camera in the room.
If there are actual consequences for her when she gets caught then sooner or later she'll stop.

Does she like you?

Saphire123 · 04/10/2024 11:54

Has her real mum been mentioned yet?
Is your step daughter in touch with her?

Noglitterallowed · 04/10/2024 11:51

Get a make up case like a vanity box one that can be locked. If she is taking stuff and isn’t having consequences then she thinks she can get away with it! So your husband need to sort that. I do find having sentimental make up a bit strange though and using make up that old is extremely bad for you. The risk of infection etc! Same for sharing make up

betterangels · 04/10/2024 11:43

Lock your belongings away. I'd be pissed off with husband. He needs to grow a pair and teach his daughter the difference between her stuff and everyone else's. I'd also stop giving her anything of yours.

Original poster

OkStepmum · 04/10/2024 11:41

Winter2020 · 04/10/2024 11:38

If all the children are treated the same how would you react if it was your daughter taking your stuff? Would you agree that she "doesn't deserve any makeup full stop" if it was your daughter?

Show quote history

Of course! First of all she asks for it (when she has).

Secondly it's more about painting on the walls with it :/

Believe it or not all kids are treated the same.

OP posts:

Winter2020 · 04/10/2024 11:38

OkStepmum · 04/10/2024 11:29

@Scaredstressed as much as I agree with you on most points there is no way in hell I'll buy £50+ lipsticks for her just so we're "equal". My DH even agrees that she doesn't deserve any makeup full stop.

If all the children are treated the same how would you react if it was your daughter taking your stuff? Would you agree that she "doesn't deserve any makeup full stop" if it was your daughter?

AnneLovesGilbert · 04/10/2024 11:34

His attitude would do my head in. If I was being petty I’d start taking his stuff and see how he liked it.

Ignore shitty posts asking if you like her. It’s the usual suspects trying to make you the villain because they had a step mum or their kids do.

The way you feel is completely normal and justified.

Original poster

OkStepmum · 04/10/2024 11:29

@Scaredstressed as much as I agree with you on most points there is no way in hell I'll buy £50+ lipsticks for her just so we're "equal". My DH even agrees that she doesn't deserve any makeup full stop.

OP posts:

WaneyEdge · 04/10/2024 11:29

HoppingPavlova · 30/09/2024 11:57

I’m more worried about the DD wearing the 20yo make-up tbh. I’ve taught mine to write the date (month/year) when they first open/use something, throw after 12mths, and use single use applicators wherever possible, no double dipping, any brushes washed and dried properly after every use. But then, I’ve seen several people end up dead, or with missing limbs, or in life threatening situations with damage causing life long consequences where the best guess has been maybe via old make up. Please tell your DD not to do this as she’s literally taking her life in her hands.

Loss of limbs and death from old make up? Really?

Brefugee · 04/10/2024 11:25

I think teenagers borrowing make-up and jewellery etc. is pretty common.

not in my book, and i was at an all girls boarding school and have 2 dd. They would NEVER have "borrowed" anything of mine without first asking and getting permission. At school? Anyone who stole from anyone else was sent to coventry. And that was no laughing matter, so it hardly ever happened.

Scaredstressed · 04/10/2024 11:20

OkStepmum · 30/09/2024 10:53

Full context I've been with my DH for seven years and my DSD is 12. We've always had a few problems because she has used my stuff (an iPad a few years ago) and now my makeup without asking. I've always been clear she can use it if she asks, not just take it without permission.

This year I noticed my makeup started to disappear. Some bits are worthless but many have sentimental value (for example I still have a few bits I bought 20+ years ago and believe it or not still use them!)

I told my DH to have a chat with her. He did a few of them. Maybe about a month ago I saw she took one of those precious bits of makeup and she completely destroyed it. So I had enough and told him he had to discipline her. Up to that point we thought the matter was solved.

Until yesterday... When I found even more makeup and some newish eyeliners, including the empty box of my engagement ring. She claimed she didn't know how they appeared in her room. I knew she took them. DH wanted a clean slate, I asked him to go through her drawers and voila! More of my missing makeup. He doesn't necessarily think I'm over reacting but I hate being portrayed as the evil step mum when it's my stuff!

We have bought her tons of her own makeup. Some even came in very nice cases and she just ends up destroying it all. We actually don't know why, but she paints on the walls/paper/her bed with it.

After this last episode I'm worried she might take my jewellery too.

This isn’t about the make-up. Or emulating you. Or being more grown-up.

It’s about pushing for a scenario where you flip and Daddy will take her side.

I have been there. For me, this culminated in my SD raiding my make-up bag and stealing expensive designer items whilst I was in hospital and we were in a foreign country.

When I asked my husband to deal with it, I was told he didn’t want to ruin the holiday, so I had to deal with it. Et voila…evil step mum ruins holiday. I put up with 15 years of this before my husband just this week apologised and saw the fallout that his oath of action had caused.

The vintage stuff needs to be locked away, as it’s irreplaceable.

When you buy new stuff, buy her a duplicate. This way, you cannot be accused of excluding her and, because she has the exact same item, she has no need to steal yours.

As for drawing on the walls with make-up at age 12…it’s weird, toddleresque behaviour that needs to stop: whether you own or rent the house, trashing it is unacceptable. You need to make that point clear. However, I would let the father deal with it or not deal with it (as long as it’s just in her room). Then, when it comes to selling or the end of the lease, one of them can clean it - just close the door and imagine it’s not there (unless she is sharing a room).

Shes acting like a little madam to drive a wedge between you and your partner: stay calm and don’t give her what she wants.

Sharptonguedwoman · 01/10/2024 08:45

OkStepmum · 30/09/2024 10:53

Full context I've been with my DH for seven years and my DSD is 12. We've always had a few problems because she has used my stuff (an iPad a few years ago) and now my makeup without asking. I've always been clear she can use it if she asks, not just take it without permission.

This year I noticed my makeup started to disappear. Some bits are worthless but many have sentimental value (for example I still have a few bits I bought 20+ years ago and believe it or not still use them!)

I told my DH to have a chat with her. He did a few of them. Maybe about a month ago I saw she took one of those precious bits of makeup and she completely destroyed it. So I had enough and told him he had to discipline her. Up to that point we thought the matter was solved.

Until yesterday... When I found even more makeup and some newish eyeliners, including the empty box of my engagement ring. She claimed she didn't know how they appeared in her room. I knew she took them. DH wanted a clean slate, I asked him to go through her drawers and voila! More of my missing makeup. He doesn't necessarily think I'm over reacting but I hate being portrayed as the evil step mum when it's my stuff!

We have bought her tons of her own makeup. Some even came in very nice cases and she just ends up destroying it all. We actually don't know why, but she paints on the walls/paper/her bed with it.

After this last episode I'm worried she might take my jewellery too.

In the short term, have a lock put on your dressing table drawers or whatever you use, or get a lockable box. There a re bigger issues here but that would be my starting point.

Original poster

OkStepmum · 01/10/2024 08:35

Tellysavelas · 30/09/2024 20:07

Get a lockable case, she obviously can’t be trusted.

That was her own DMs suggestion. At the time I said she needs to learn to respect other people's belongings but that obviously hasn't worked.

OP posts:

GinForBreakfast · 30/09/2024 20:14

Things were made to last back in the day!

Your H needs to take this seriously. What would he do if your DD pilfered his personal belongings and hid them in her room.

HeddaGarbled · 30/09/2024 20:13

Psychology 101: she resents you, isn’t allowed to show it, takes it out on your precious stuff. Punishment will make it worse. High security & supervision and the passage of time are the only solutions.

Tellysavelas · 30/09/2024 20:07

Get a lockable case, she obviously can’t be trusted.

protectthesmallones · 30/09/2024 19:51

WildFlowerBees · 30/09/2024 11:38

This happened to me when my dsd was a similar age and nothing we or her dad said did anything. In her mind she was entitled because as she put it 'this is my house' (we bought the house together and have been together many years) all of my skincare and make up is in the smallest room that I made a dressing room.

I didn't feel I should need to lock up my belongings so I bought a ring camera and put in the the room and told her it was there and would let me know any time she went in.

If she'd have asked she could have used things and like you we bought her her own things. The camera worked, she never did it again knowing she couldn't deny it.

She's a young adult now and she's really lovely, she will still use my stuff but I let her know when she's with us if she wants to use anything of mine feel free. I quite like our little spa evenings!

What a good idea!

Original poster

OkStepmum · 30/09/2024 14:42

MSLRT · 30/09/2024 12:55

I am more shocked that you are using the same eye shadow after 20 years. Mine barely lasts a couple of months.

My DM still has an eyeshadow palette from the 70s!

OP posts:

Blusterydaytodaypoohbear · 30/09/2024 13:22

I have had 3 teen dd's. Never have they even gone into my bedroom with permission.. Never taken my stuff either from around the home. I do lend stuff that has been asked for in the respectful way... Maybe start giving away things of your dh's to a db /df /other. Say you thought it as OK to take people's stuff in your house..

MSLRT · 30/09/2024 12:55

I am more shocked that you are using the same eye shadow after 20 years. Mine barely lasts a couple of months.

Original poster

OkStepmum · 30/09/2024 12:26

Wrapmelon · 30/09/2024 12:21

Do you like your dsd? Just a question

I don't love her but I don't dislike her either. I do show her my appreciation by not taking sides etc... And all children are treated exactly the same.

Our DH and I very much align in this sense.

OP posts:

Wrapmelon · 30/09/2024 12:21

Do you like your dsd? Just a question

Whoowhoopitstbesoundofthedapolice · 30/09/2024 12:19

Feels like a territory thing ...conversation with DP os needed and possible look at moving out if I'm honest. If there's no respect then there's no point.

Original poster

OkStepmum · 30/09/2024 12:03

LookItsMeAgain · 30/09/2024 11:57

She is jealous for some reason and she doesn't want you to have stuff - whatever that stuff might be. She doesn't use her own makeup (except as art supplies it appears) and she clearly doesn't want you to have anything nice either.

I'd be having a discussion with DH and say to him that it's no longer possible to deal with this type of ongoing behaviour without her facing consequences of her actions. If something isn't done now, and you mean now, then you will be left with no other choice but to move out to protect your DD and your collective belongings because it's makeup today but what will it be when she thinks she needs money, will it actually be your jewellery???

This would be something that I couldn't get past if actions weren't taken.

Exactly! And that's my worry. I've got some jewellery pieces that are worth some decent amounts. Same with my bags, but I assume she wouldn't take those as they're bulky. Speaking of which, I've given her some of my bags. They were only Coach/Michael Kors but what I mean is that she been shown that I can share.

OP posts:

Anonym00se · 30/09/2024 12:02

If she’s painting the walls and bed with make-up, I’d be banning her from having it full stop until she’s old enough to use it properly for its intended use.