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AIBU?

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Original poster

To read the riot act at work

56 replies

BigDeepBreaths · 30/09/2024 09:53

A couple of months ago I was advised i would be getting a discretionary bonus and it would be paid in Sept payroll. A fairly sizeable sum (for which i have worked my absolute arse off). My sept payslip has arrived and there is no bonus. I am furious. There could be a business reason that it isnt happening this month which I can accept, but im so angry i wasnt updated, not an email or chat to give me a heads up. It feels so disrespectful. It feels like I am such a low priority i dont even merit a conversation.

For context its been a bit of a shit show year and I have made it clear Im not happy about the way a number of things are managed and that I am lacking motivation due to this, and I think the bonus is in part reward and in part to stop me leaving. I am in a senior role with a lot of responsibility and whilst i can be replaced, it will be a huge ballache/expense for them.

The bonus was not confirmed in writing but boss gave me his word it was 99% there just needed final sign off. I followed up twice in Aug about this but then left it in his hands as i was fed up always being the one to bring it up.

AIBU to tell my boss what i think about his shit poor lack of communication on this and that I will likely walk as I feel so undervalued - not necessarily due to the money not being there but the fact he put it out there and didnt see fit to tell me that for whatever reason it wasnt being paid.

Also, its a boys club. I am the only female member of staff and I am pretty sure he would have had the conversation with a male colleague.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Tae1 · 01/10/2024 08:36

OP, well handled.
He is dishonest and untrustworthy.
Put your efforts into leaving for sure, but get your bonus.
Step back and do not kill yourself in the mean time.
The culture isn't worth your long term investment.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 01/10/2024 08:14

lololulu · 30/09/2024 13:02

I think you replying to your boss about it not being in Septembers wage was rude though.

I mean his organizational and communication skills are shit.

Unless OP is getting paid a ridiculous sum that she can't easily get elsewhere I would advice her to start looking for another job.

Original poster
BigDeepBreaths · 30/09/2024 18:57

The end of day update is that i eventually asked boss if he wanted to finish the conversation. We had a long discussion and i made it clear it’s his communication failure on this occasion that has p’d me off. His excuse was that there was something else going on that he was trying to help resolve. It turns out THIS WAS SOMETHING I SHOULD ALSO HAVE KNOWN ABOUT!! Oh the irony!!

Needless to say a very heated discussion ensued with me using it as a platform to air a number of issues in addition to bonus-gate and we agreed on my next steps of putting these in writing and agreeing a timeframe for addressing them. He is well aware that i will leave if nothing changes and my performance is not recognised. He doesnt know that I am already looking.

He alleges he is getting sign off on bonus and will confirm in writing by Thursday.

Not an ideal Monday but I feel I managed to make personal progress with regards to decision making for the future. Thanks all for the v helpful input.

OP posts:
tothelefttotheleft · 30/09/2024 17:32

Has he replied by email at all? Seems telling that it's all by chat.....

Heronwatcher · 30/09/2024 15:55

BigDeepBreaths · 30/09/2024 15:05

He has returned from lunch and has not yet offered to pick the conversation up despite doing fuck all and talking football with the men.

Earlier when he approached me at lunch after reading my email he did so with a huge smile and wide eyes and said “dont be angry at me!”.

100% treating me differently to my male counterparts who would never be on the receiving end of that!

Do you know whether any of your colleagues have been offered a bonus for the same period, and if so when it was paid? I’d be taking notes for a possible discrimination case in an employment tribunal if I were you. You might end up with more than the bonus!

Original poster
BigDeepBreaths · 30/09/2024 15:05

He has returned from lunch and has not yet offered to pick the conversation up despite doing fuck all and talking football with the men.

Earlier when he approached me at lunch after reading my email he did so with a huge smile and wide eyes and said “dont be angry at me!”.

100% treating me differently to my male counterparts who would never be on the receiving end of that!

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 30/09/2024 14:47

Going forwards now follow up every conversation with him by putting it in an email to him and BCC your personal mail account.

Follow up the conversation you've just had before he toddled off to lunch just to clarify.

Put everything in writing. Everything.

Follow up every conversation with either jotting it down in your diary or by sending yourself an email or sending him one and BCC yourself on the email.

QueenCamilla · 30/09/2024 14:24

I'm quite surprised that it's not clear to everyone that there is no bonus incoming. Zilch. Nil.
OP is getting played here whilst the prick of a manager is buying time for whatever reason - to get his own end of year bonus? To line up someone else for OP's job? To trick OP into staying long enough to finish a big project? To delay/stop the talk of his shitty performance reaching directors? Anything. Now he's vaguely promised a sizeable bonus, he knows OP will be sitting (working) around waiting for one for as long as the payment is seemingly within grasp - and as posters erroneously advise.

It's time to give notice. ASAP. I wouldn't want to give him the satisfaction of completing whatever the game is that he's playing.

He wouldn't treat a man like this and I can't imagine a male employee sitting around waiting for the prick to return from his 3rd lunch break to have a hush, hush heart to hearts as to why his bonus packet is not incoming.

RechargeableGnu · 30/09/2024 14:14

Ethylred · 30/09/2024 12:18

Whatever else, do, say and write nothing in anger.

This should be advice to everyone everywhere (union rep here)!

savannahowl · 30/09/2024 13:57

He has gone to have lunch and we’ve agreed to pick up later when he said he’ll share the reason why it was delayed.

This would piss me off. Why wait until later to tell you the reason? Does he need lunchtime to come up with something believable?

Original poster
BigDeepBreaths · 30/09/2024 13:39

lololulu · 30/09/2024 13:02

I think you replying to your boss about it not being in Septembers wage was rude though.

Ha ha!! I sent him a sensitive email about salary and he chose to reply by calling out to me across the desks!! He set himself up for that reply, but in actual fact I asked him politely. it escaped him that i was annoyed so i dont think i was rude

OP posts:
Original poster
BigDeepBreaths · 30/09/2024 13:35

A ‘professionally assertive’ email was sent.

He replied saying that he was doing his best to pay it in September but had to reschedule the payment and that he was aiming to let me know the payment date this week.

He has since come to find me (Im having lunch) to explain. He is predictably focused on “I never guaranteed the date”. I have told him that I do not disagree with that at all but that its his radio silence on the matter since start of Aug that is my issue. i asked why he didnt tell me last week given what he knew. Again he said he didnt guarantee Sept so I suggested that based on our close working relationship, trust and general respect for one another, an update would have been a welcome step.

He has gone to have lunch and we’ve agreed to pick up later when he said he’ll share the reason why it was delayed.

I feel better having shared my feelings without losing my shit. I think i willl have to just move on and look for a new role as even if the bonus is ultimately paid, this experience feels a bit like a straw/camel moment.

OP posts:
easylikeasundaymorn · 30/09/2024 13:32

Surely chase politely for now and wait until you get it before kicking off!

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 30/09/2024 13:31

lololulu · 30/09/2024 13:02

I think you replying to your boss about it not being in Septembers wage was rude though.

oh give over.

SanMarzano · 30/09/2024 13:23

If them not paying your retention bonus isn’t a sign to leave then I don’t know what is, and I’d put it to him like that.

Serriadh · 30/09/2024 13:20

If there is someone outside the chain of your direct management, I would ask them what the process for bonus approval is. Mention that your manager verbally mentioned proposing you for one but he is “awaiting signoff” and the process seems to have stalled. You are concerned there are wider issues (is the business in trouble?) because your manager suggested it would be fairly straightforward and it’s now been several months without progress.

Hereforaglance · 30/09/2024 13:06

Without a paper trail of tjis apparant bonus you are looking a he said she said scenarios so best to make a gentle enquiry a'd let it be

lololulu · 30/09/2024 13:02

I think you replying to your boss about it not being in Septembers wage was rude though.

SweetSakura · 30/09/2024 12:58

Yes, channel your fury into job applications and CV building. Put your career not your job first from now on.
Ask about it, but only once you are able to be professionally assertive.

Fastback · 30/09/2024 12:55

BigDeepBreaths · 30/09/2024 12:38

Your use of the term “slipping through the cracks” is spot on. So much shit apparently slips through here. I am in a “gatekeeping” role and he knows i dont tolerate it and have worked hard to change the culture.

And I am pretty sure he massively regrets his verbal agreement, but that’s on him, won’t open his gob next time. Not that there will be a next time in my case.

Show quote history

Have you picked up the point of those posts? It’s to get it in writing by way of email… just wanted to make sure. 😬

Snoken · 30/09/2024 12:50

Whatever you do, don't tell them you are leaving, then they will have no incentive to give you a bonus and it sounds like you have earned it.

Original poster
BigDeepBreaths · 30/09/2024 12:38

LookItsMeAgain · 30/09/2024 12:26

Now what you need to do is put this in writing saying

"Further to our discussions on X and Y dates concerning the outstanding bonus due to me, I'd like you to confirm by return that it will be included in the October payroll run or sooner as an exceptional run. This money is due to me for reasons A, B and C and having been given your word on previous occasions, it is more than a little disappointing to understand now that the work I completed earlier in Q2 or Q3 is not being valued by the company. Due to this slipping through the cracks again, I need to have this in writing and will no longer accept verbal agreements going forwards.

I look forward to your email by return"

Or something along those lines - showing that you had an agreement verbally for this bonus to be paid to you, the payment is outstanding and you're looking for them to rectify the situation.
Then you have a starting point to use against them - but it has to be in writing.

He's a cute hoor so he is by calling you over to his desk and telling you that it's not in the September payroll run, he again has managed to avoid putting it in writing that the payment is outstanding. I would be wondering if he even had the green light to begin with to offer you a bonus payment and he's trying to cover his ass?

Show quote history

Your use of the term “slipping through the cracks” is spot on. So much shit apparently slips through here. I am in a “gatekeeping” role and he knows i dont tolerate it and have worked hard to change the culture.

And I am pretty sure he massively regrets his verbal agreement, but that’s on him, won’t open his gob next time. Not that there will be a next time in my case.

OP posts:
Heronwatcher · 30/09/2024 12:34

Hang on though, @LookItsMeAgain and @Kingoftheroad the bonus hasn’t yet been agreed/ signed off by the business. Her manager has proposed it by the sounds of it but as with most money it has to be signed off within the business before it’s payable. So asking for an ex gratia payment or stating that the bonus is outstanding isn’t right- it’s not payable to her yet and she has no legal entitlement to it until the people in the business who have the power to sign it off have done so.

LookItsMeAgain · 30/09/2024 12:26

BigDeepBreaths · 30/09/2024 10:14

Thanks all, i feel better for typing it out and did need talking down, as some of you have rightly advised, not to throw a tantrum.

I have checked this morning and it’s definitely not a payroll error. I then sent an email and asked him to confirm the situation. He sits 2 desks along and called across “ive seen your email, i need to get sign off”…to which i replied “so not september then?”…and he looked away and muttered no. He knows i am furious and he has got up and left the office now…

I will re-read your msgs and retain my dignity despite feeling livid.

Now what you need to do is put this in writing saying

"Further to our discussions on X and Y dates concerning the outstanding bonus due to me, I'd like you to confirm by return that it will be included in the October payroll run or sooner as an exceptional run. This money is due to me for reasons A, B and C and having been given your word on previous occasions, it is more than a little disappointing to understand now that the work I completed earlier in Q2 or Q3 is not being valued by the company. Due to this slipping through the cracks again, I need to have this in writing and will no longer accept verbal agreements going forwards.

I look forward to your email by return"

Or something along those lines - showing that you had an agreement verbally for this bonus to be paid to you, the payment is outstanding and you're looking for them to rectify the situation.
Then you have a starting point to use against them - but it has to be in writing.

He's a cute hoor so he is by calling you over to his desk and telling you that it's not in the September payroll run, he again has managed to avoid putting it in writing that the payment is outstanding. I would be wondering if he even had the green light to begin with to offer you a bonus payment and he's trying to cover his ass?

TorroFerney · 30/09/2024 12:21

I think the challenge is that when you are getting to the end of your tether with work, you end up overreacting to something smaller that then can make you look deranged. So you go mad about the bonus it turns out to be a payroll error and everyone actually thought you’d got it . You are reacting to what not getting the bonus or any comms represents, their shit management and inability to communicate properly yet again.

its hard to realise that in the moment!