Not inviting someone's wife to a wedding

@soundsys

Comments on this thread seem to have popped up again after quite some time. What happened in the end? Hope you’re okay.

I’m going against the general consensus here.

I think if it was just the wedding I don’t see the issue. She wants her friend there, just because it’s a large wedding and you are married doesn’t mean you get an invite.

I’ve been married for 13 years and have been to a few weddings without my husband, also invited to one abroad next year by myself, we will make a weekend of it but he isn’t coming to the wedding.

A good friend of mine who knows my DH got married a few years and only I was invited, there was nearly 200 people there. Neither of us were bothered by it and I went and had a good time. I think weddings are quite personal and the bride is right saying she can invite who she wants. Nothing worse than going to a wedding of someone you don’t know. It’s not just an excuse for a day out.

Having said that, the history of behaviour of not being included in other social events or having your invites declined is odd. She may just not like you, or her husband has told her things that have given her a preconceived idea of you. I don’t agree that she fancies your husband, I just don’t think she likes you.

I offen wonder about op, did he go to the wedding, what did op do about it,
Of course op doesn't have to come back but do wonder

Well it sounds like he’s accepted many invites in the past which exclude his wife so why change now? This sounds like a DH problem.

Yanbu. She is very rude

I've always been of the view that children don't have to be invited to weddings - nor partners (it's a lot of money to spend on someone you don't know). BUT, in this instance I shall go against everything I've previously thought because your husband isn't just a general wedding guest but has a more inclusive role - also the fact that she's actively leaving you out from previous plans too makes her an extreme red flag.
I would expect my partner to not excuse this rudeness any longer or I would put this down to him not caring about my feelings as well as her.

I would really love to know what happened here.

YANBU - hell would freeze over before my DH would be going anywhere near that wedding either, really feel for you OP 🥲

Your husband knows exactly what the issue is, of course he does but he's just not telling you!! OP, have you asked him what that issue is? I'd be inclined to ask the bride exactly what her problem is. Of course she doesn't need to invite you to her wedding but deliberately leaving you out and preferring to meet your husband on his own is weird especially if like you say there's been no falling out.

Put it to her that she never accepts an invite from you, she never invites you along with your husband, what's the problem? I really hope your husband is sticking up for you cause it sounds like she bad mouths you.

I'd love for op to come back and let us know what happens.

My thoughts are one of the following:

• They have history or still have
something going on
• He's badmouthed you to her so
badly, that she can't stand you
• He's taking someone else to the
wedding

Your husband knows the reason she hasn't invited you.

IOSTT · 02/10/2024 11:00
When your husband is ready to leave to go to the hotel, could you breezily say “I’ll come with you to the hotel to help you all set up, I’m free today so happy to help” Then sit in his car! See what his reaction is, go with him and see what her reaction is….

Crazy idea.

Why would he need her help setting up.

He knows exactly why she's not invited.

It’s rude and imo I’d expect my husband to decline to attend things I was regularly left out of for no good reason. What is going on in your marriage? I do know of people who invite friends no spouses/OH’s to weddings, but the whole set up here over the years begs the question: wtf? I’d have got to the bottom of it before. If you are close enough to be a witness but not close enough to have a plus one, ah babe. Something’s rotten here, my money’s on they’ve had a fling of some sort and she’s taken against you over it.

OP, I'll say it to you straight what I would do/think you should do.

I would tell your husband if he goes, to not come back. Because you'll be filing for divorce. And mean it. Even talk to him about meeting a divorce solicitor not long before he goes. Tell him there is absolutely no reason for him to stay in a hotel when it's in your own city, and if he goes, he is choosing to end your marriage. That he now has to choose.

Yes does not like you tho if you are this awful person then am sure your husband would be aware. I would be livid if he went and tell him to confront his friend re all this nonsense. If it was a one off down to cost then yeh would maybe understand tho it's a blatant snub and totally ignorant.

Late to the party but this!

I agree entirely. Along with 'we think', as if there's only the one mind between the pair of you.

The absence of a wedding invitation would be fine by me. It happens, and for a variety of reasons, none of which I'd care to know. As for 'disrespecting my relationship', I couldn't give a monkey's who does that provided this doesn't include me or my DH. And that seems to be the fundamental problem here.

Bridey's dislike and disrespect don't really feature. It's the husband's behaviour surrounding this whole scenario that comes over as odd. The unnecessary overnight stay, the persistence in maintaining a close friendship with someone so openly hostile to his spouse, and his apparent prioritising of said friend over his wife, all go beyond the simple scenario of two people maintaining their individuality after marriage.

Being fine with your partner having their own friends and own life would stop short for me at being taken for a complete mug. When your DH's first loyalties do not lie with you as his wife, then you have a marriage problem.

Indeed. The last wedding DH attended, I wasn’t invited to. I didn’t pitch a fit about it, or require him to terminate relations with the bride and groom.

Agree with this. My husband wouldnt continue a friendship where I was continually and repeatedly snubbed or purposefully excluded. Of course we do things separately with our own friends- most people do! but if someone made a point of excluding me time and time again I would expect him to question it at the very least. As would I.

I think saying 'we come as a package' is fucking weird. But then saying 'my other half' is too.

I don't come as a package with my husband. We're two individuals who love each other but we're not so intertwined and co-dependent we don't have our own lives/friends/worlds.

This is very weird and beyond rude! I really hope your husband has declined to attend siting that you come as a package especially as you’ve been together for so long. It’s just not etiquette to do this at a wedding!

I’d be telling her she can f* off! And my husband too if he thought it was normal or acceptable.

Yeah my DH would probably have allowed a "friendship" on those terms to wane

this is the most logical explanation to me

I agree. I can’t quite get my head around DH being friends with this woman for so long - close enough to be a witness at the wedding, and yet not knowing the reason she dislikes his wife, to the point of complete exclusion. Doesn’t make sense and I think he knows a lot more than he’s letting on.

How do you really know that the Bride hasn’t invited you previously or even to this event?

Are you sure it’s not your husband that doesn’t really want you there when he is socialising, so tells you you aren’t invited?