Should I pay boyfriend back

You seriously think this is a man to have children with?

OP you’re ONLY 30. There is plenty of time to meet a lovely man, marry and have children. Many of my friends didn’t meet that man until late 30’s and had 2 kids between 38-42.

Not sure if you said how you met him, but if you really are keen to met nicer men (with better prospects), then join meetup, get involved with local voluntary groups (the church?), take up a hobby/join an interest group.

What is important is that you don’t telegraph any sense of desperation to meet a man - men pick up on it immediately. It either sends them running or catches you a manipulative loser like the (ex?)BF. My DSis joined a dating app at 32 and was very clear she was looking for a LT relationship and kids - he strung her along for 5 years before admitting he didn’t want either. At 38 she was single and unlikely to ever have kids herself because a man had honed in on her desperation. She is 45 now and engaged to a lovely man whose kids have grown up. She met him at work and is very happy because the relationship occurred naturally and was not about marriage and kids.

Focus on finding yourself and on being happy with who you are and you will meet lovely people, including nice single men. The rest will follow.

Pay him for what? This is not some kind of nonconsensual BDSM relationship where OP needs to pay for the pleasure of being verbally abused

Pay him then block.

A partner invoicing you for £20 of shit you didn’t ask for, what am I reading.

Please raise the bar.

What? You really need to ask that question?
Because you went out, didn’t answer your phone as you didn’t hear it and he’s accusing you of cheating.
Why would a decent person accuse someone of cheating just because they don’t answer the phone? Red flag.
He sounds like the jealous type and it doesn’t bode well for your relationship in the future

Because he's bad-tempered, mean and makes baseless accusations. Surely that's enough?

Get out of there. There is no peace to keep. He doesn’t sound normal. Text him back and say you won’t be paying him back and don’t want him to contact you again, you don’t think you’re compatible. Block his number. Move on.

im always highly suspicious of anyone that can’t date in public anyway but anyone demanding you do something is a big no from me. He would never see me again.

You shouldn't stay with someone because you're desperate..sorry OP

Especially marrying someone and having a family with someone who is so selfish. This will not go well in the future. 30 is still young you have time for marriage and pregnancy with a person who respects you. He does not respect you, accusing you of cheating he doesn't trust you either. Or he's just nasty and trying to scare you into withdrawing.

Dump him. Send him a tenner, say hope it was worth it and block. You are worth so much more

He's not great. At all.

Don't let wedding/baby fever prompt poor life choices. Raise your standards and be strong.

This.

He's not an adult. Bin.

Did you miss that he has already blocked her. There is no relationship.

You should dump because:
He's petty over money. Do you want him to still be bickering over £10 when you’re tired with a baby, maybe another child and a job?
If yes petty over money it’s a sure bet he’ll be petty of other stuff too. Who did the washing up last, who did or didn’t change the toilet roll, who did or didn’t buy the food shop.
He seems to see you as his meal ticket. Do you still want to be supporting him next year? 5 years time?
You’ve been chatting for a few months. If he’s not making an effort now he never will.

I am in a new relationship with a man since being single for many years. We have only been going out for a couple of months.

To be honest, after 2 months (and clearly not seeing him daily) this is not a relationship.

You're just 'dating'. Part of the reason you're in a muddle is because you're giving this more importance than it ever was.

A 'relationship' is something that's well established - not dating for 8 weeks.

The elephant in the room that you are missing is that he's lazy and tight as a gnats chuff.

He's a total loser. Dump him and raise your standards.

Urm - read what you wrote - this is why people are saying dump him. It's worrying that you have to ask to be honest!!!

He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was

He then got upset and said that he is expecting me to pay him back either way, accused me of cheating and got a bit angry over the phone

Reading your updates, you’d be incredibly stupid to plan to marry and have kids with this guy just because your friends are getting married ect.

He accused you of cheating and tried to make you pay for food because he didn’t get his way. Not exactly material for a happy blissful marriage with children.
It is however material for a cheating controlling man who will ruin yours and potential children’s lives.

No of course not, don't pay him back and don't see him again!

You may be missing the fact that your bf became extremely unpleasant and unreasonable the first time you said what you wanted from the relationship, ie to have an evening with him not in his flat. He said 'OK' to meeting up near your place then pretended you had an arrangement to go to his. Then he asked you to pay for food which he could perfectly well have eaten himself over the next two evenings, even though you never said you were coming. And he accused you of lying and cheating with no evidence at all. This is a horrible way to be treated and there's no reason to think that his behaviour will improve. Of course many of us want very much to be in a relationship and have to compromise in some areas, but this is too much.

As others have said… this guy should now be your exBF and no, you are under no obligation to repay him for food/a meal you didn’t agree you were having with him. It’s not like he won’t eat that food, just over two nights rather than by sharing it with you.

Block and move on. There are plenty of other fish in the sea and, frankly, even if there isn’t a shoal passing iminently you’d be better off bobbing alone on a life raft than being manipulated by this guy.

He has already blocked her though!?

Yup!
"Sorry for any misunderstanding about the date night.
I will send you £20 as this is clearly important to you.
Overall though we are not compatible, so I'm ending the relationship now.
Please note that I do not want to keep in any sort of contact.
Wishing you well for the future".

🚩red flags galore!

He accused you of cheating... He accused you of lying... He ignored the plans you'd actually made and then tried to guilt trip you into doing what he wanted all along by playing mind games...

End this now before you get too embroiled and you can't get out.

If you are in your 30’s and long for a family don’t waste time on men that act like children and have tantrums when things don’t go their way. He doesn’t sound like he is ready to be part of a family, financially or emotionally!

I have dated a man like this and they don’t change - he is moping in his house all the time and having tantrums because life didn’t go to plan. Do not have a family with this man. Do not waste your fertile years waiting for this man to grow up and be ready!

Ask yourself if you have kids and go on maternity leave is he going to be financially able to look after you and willing to pay for most things when you are on a reduced income, is he going to be emotionally able to look after you if you are struggling after a difficult birth or C-section, will he be okay if you give most of you attention to the child? Will he be able to cook and do housework when you are feeding your newborn? What if you can’t sleep with him because you are tired or recovering from child birth? If you look through mumsnet there are countless stories of men who leave after having kids or expect their wives to do everything while they go off and have affairs. Don’t have kids with someone who is emotionally immature, kids are really hard work!

Some massive red flags to me would be the lack of communication followed by making decisions without asking you, a tantrum and accusations- this to me sounds like someone who lashes out when they don’t get their own way. Expecting you to pay for food you didn’t ask for says he is a leech who wanted you to come over and buy him dinner, getting a free pizza seemed to be high on his list of priorities (bet he ate the pizza). Always having to hang out in his house shows a lack of ambition, I lost my job so I will just never leave the house! He sounds like a spoilt boy who has a lot of growing up to do!

This!!!!!!!

He accused you of cheating because he you didn't answer your phone. He tried to gaslight you over arrangements and then expected you to pay for a pizza and bits that he clearly could eat my himself. And that's aside from you financially propping him up and him showing no appreciation for it