Should I pay boyfriend back

this, but to also add:

• someone who accused you of lying too
• someone who "got a bit angry" (over mis-communication over who was going where providing what you said in your OP is actually true i.e. you'd said no to going to his place and he said ok to coming somewhere near you)

Why would you tolerate that behaviour? By all means talk to him about it to make sure he is aware that it was rude of him to accuse you of cheating/lying and getting angry but don't put up with this behaviour purely because you want a family.

DUMPPPPPP

From a great height!

This is what I would do. You're better off without that drain in your life

@Gymnasticsalltheway I mean this with kindness OP. Everyone is telling you to dump him as he is treating you like shit. And some of these signs, expecting you to pay him back for a decision he made, wanting you round his all the time and not making effort to go to you, blocking you as he hasn’t got his way, and accusing you of cheating, are all red flags for what is classic coercive abuse type behaviour. It is his way or the highway and if he doesn’t get his way he will make you pay. He’s like this after a few months as well? Another massive red flag.

OP, we understand the longing for family, but having children puts an immense pressure on the best of people. Your boyfriend though? Will he be getting up in the middle of the night to change the diapers, if he's not willing to put any effort even into dating?
He's charging his new girlfriend for pizza - will he be paying all the costs if you're unable to earn due to taking care of the children? Can you see him taking care of your family? Or will you have a baby and a man-child, who will also accuse you of cheating and lying?
After a couple of months of dating, when he should be trying to impress you and be on his best behaviour?

Throw this one back. You're better off with a sperm bank visit.

Please, after just a couple of months he is not your partner, he is someone you're getting to know. And I think you know enough about him now to ensure he never becomes your partner.

Because he is trying to coerce payment from you. Because he ignored you when you didn’t want to go to his place and he bought found anyway. Because he is trying make you responsible for his stupidity. Because he immediately jumped to accusing you of cheating? Because he kept calling instead waiting for you to call him back. Because he is now trying to punish you by blocking you because of non compliance with his demands? Why do you want to ‘make things right with this type of person. So many 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

This is not a man to pursue a future with. Look for someone better.

He's blocked you and you're wondering if you should dump him?

When he has unblocked you, what will your response be? This is not normal behavior, surely you can see that OP?

You shouldn't put up with someone who (a) doesn't come to you any of the time (b) harasses you by phone when no plans were confirmed (c) asks for a small amount of money back when you have been generous during his unemployment.
This is not a man who is making an effort to see you because he loves you. It's a man who wants you on his terms.
I've spent years in these sort of crap relationships ignoring the fact they don't love me and misunderstanding red flags like possessiveness for love. Since meeting my DH, who moved heaven and earth to see me when he could even when he was broke, I realised what a fool I'd been in previous relationships.
You're only 30, you'll still meet someone to have a family with, put yourself first and demand better from a relationship. X

A brain, by the sounds of things.

He's accusing you of cheating because of a simple misunderstanding and you not being willing to dance to his tune. A nice man he is not.

Why does living in a flatshare mean you can never have a 'gentleman caller' round, btw?

You ask if you should pay him back to keep the peace.

I'll just leave you with this quote by ... can't remember who but it's very apt.
'When you stay quiet to keep the peace, you start a war within yourself '

People are stating dump him because he accused you of cheating and lying straight off the bat. It's a very extreme reaction and points towards abusive tendencies

The red flags.

You've been dating a couple of months.

You no show for a date, which you didn't think was confirmed, so he accuses you repeatedly of cheating on him. He has trust issues.

He also then makes a demand for money over a genuine mistake.Almost to punish you. And you are now questioning how unreasonable YOU are because he has trust issues and can't cope with the idea that it was geniunely crossed wires.

In a normal healthy relationship you should be able to merely shrug it off as a mistake, oh well nevermind.

Instead its resulted in a meltdown on his part.

What sticks out from your OP is this:
I am in a new relationship with a man since being single for many years.

So you have something of an air of 'well no one else wants me, so I should tolerate this and ignore the red flags as I'm just grateful someone wants to be with me'.

This relationship is only a couple of month in. You should be in the honeymoon stage. But he's deeply deeply insecure and giving worrying signals about the likelihood of him being controlling and financially abusive.

This is not a relationship worth keeping, if thats his reaction. Its really unhealthy as a response.

Its alarming that you aren't seeing it. Think about it.

He accuses you of all sorts, asks for you to 'pay him back' despite all you've spent on him and NOW he has you chasing him.
No doubt he'll end up unblocking you when he feels you've been 'punished' enough and you'll end up apologising AND giving him the money.
Come on OP, you can't be seriously wondering why posters are telling you to throw this one back.
I understand that you long for a family, and I DO empathise, but it really isn't ok to settle for this as the relationship you want to model for any future child/ren you may have out of pure desperation. Do you honestly think that someone who can treat you this way after 5 mins together is all they deserve? That isn't fair

No don't, i wouldn't bother giving him anything back, he is really rude. I would allow his calls to go to voicemail too! And ignore any future texts.

Is he 12? Sorry OP you are currently in the honeymoon stage of your relationship. If someone acts like that during this period then it most likely would get worse!

He's not 'great' OP... He's unemployed, easily angered, expects you to do all the running, doesn't listen when you say no to something. Being single at 30 (or any age) is better than being tied to the wrong person.

If having a family is important to you then put this one back and look for a man who'd make a good father and husband. Don't be tempted to try to fix this one, just because you've invested a couple of months of your time into him so far. He's already shown himself to be lacking the traits of a good father or husband.... please don't waste anymore of your precious time or money here, say goodbye, block and move on!

You told him you didn’t want to go to his. So he’s disrespected your decision and just assumed that you would change your plan to fit with him. He’s then demanded you pay for food that you didn’t ask him to get and now blocked you. He’s not a keeper, block, don’t pay and move on.

I know you want a relationship and something for the long term but the reason we are all saying leave him is this:

• The best case over arrangements for the evening was that he didnt listen to you properly and worst case he ignored your request and just assumed you'd back down
• his response to having bought food for you both was to ask for the money back ignoring the fact that he could have just eaten the food over a couple of days ... it didn't have to be thrown away
• he has ignored the fact that you also have bought food for him before and never asked for money so this isn't a behaviour that you are both agreed to
• his response to you being out with colleagues is to block you and accuse you of cheating

This was a response to a pretty minor set of events! What would happen if things got stressful. What if you had kids. Etc etc

This isn't someone to invest in a long term relationship if this is how he chooses to act

Oh, OP.

You've only been together a couple of months. Your relationship is already "tense" (in your own words). He doesn't have a job. Neither of you has a stable living situation. And he's throwing a shit fit over spending £20 on pizza.

I can understand what it's like to feel worried that everyone else your age is getting coupled up and thinking about marriage and babies and you're worried about being left behind, especially if you've been single for a while.

But this man is categorically NOT THE ONE to do these things with.

You've hardly been together five minutes so there's no sunk costs here. This one is a no brainer. Throw him back in the sea.

Even if he was a nice guy, which it sounds like he's not, you're living in a flat share which means you need to get yourself into a more grown up living situation before you can even contemplate having kids, and a man with no job who begrudges spending £20 on pizza isn't going to help you get there.

You're surprised people think you should dump him? Yes he is stressed but that isn't an excuse for his behaviour. He expects you to make all the effort to see him, he lets you pay for things for him but never pays for anything for you and in fact demands that you pay money for food he bought & presumably ate!
You asked him to make the effort to come to you/make a plan and he did neither, deliberately ignored you and then created a situation to be annoyed at you about, ie I bought you food and you're not here - he knew you wouldn't be there! This is him testing you. Will you cave, can he control you with his bad moods, make you feel like you've done something wrong. It will only get worse and escalate. For goodness sake he's blocked you?? Normal people don't do that in relationships, they communicate like adults.

If you are worried about your age/fertility then don't waste time with a man that doesn't sound a good fit for the long term struggles of having a family and devote your time to looking for someone better.

Dump the useless tightwad.

I do not understand the PPs saying pay him then bloke - fuck that.

Dont give him a penny the tight arsed controlling jealous twat