Should I pay boyfriend back

I would be really glad he showed his true colours so soon and I'd only wasted a few months

A good man would be arranging picnics in a park if he was short on cash. Going for walks through a local place of interest etc not just wanting you to go to their flat (presumably so you can have sex and buy him bits)

Do not settle for a shitty man because you feel self conscious and that you lack something compared to your friends who are getting married and having babies. Perhaps those blokes are shitty too and they are all settling because the don't want to be the last singleton - they'll be a good number of them looking for divorce in 10-15 years time. Shitty men make shitty husbands, and shitty dads. Do not do that to yourself or any future children.

No, I wouldn't give him a dime! Unemployed or not, you didn't plan to have dinner with him and he foolishly went ahead and bought food anyway so the fault lies with him only. To send you a receipt and ask you for payment is an absolute insult. I would tell him to do one personally.
I think you should raise your bar much higher OP! It isn't too late to find the right person for you and all the things you want.

Yep. She owes him nothing. Paying him for food he’s bought off his own bar and almost certainly eaten is giving him some sort of validation that hat he’s not entitled to.

Got to admit I’m shocked at the number of PO’a telling her to hand over £20 of her money to this freeloading specimen for no reason at all.
£20 to get rid - I prefer £0 to get rid

He’s showing you who he is.

and that he’s a liar, controlling and manipulative

he accused you of cheating? Sounds like projection

bin him. Up to you if you send him money, but at the end of the day, he’s going to be able to eat the good he’s bought so leave it and dump him.

you can do soooooo much better than this bloke

Because you haven't been dating long and he's already being unreasonable and petty. Presumably he bought the food to manipulate you into going to his because 'he'd already bought the food' and now he's asking you to pay for it! This is supposed to be the love struck, seeing the best in each other stage.

This 100%

Also, you asked if you should pay him "to keep the peace"... keep the peace with what? you didn't do anything wrong. Why is it up to you to pander to his moods when he's just being nasty to you? Why can't he keep the blooming peace and stop being so petty and accusatory.

he doesn't sound like LTR material, sorry OP. You sound like a kind and considerate person, don't put up with people taking advantage of you. Would you have treated him like that? I'm guessing not.

Also he's blocked you in a fit of temper because you questioned his orders - and you've only been seeing him for two months. As the MN saying goes.. "the trash took itself out." There are better, kinder, more fun people out there that Mr Sulk.

I know people do feel a kind of pressure in their early 30s, but it doesn't mean you have to immediately find someone. Relax a bit. Think about the things you might like to do with your life. Make a bucket list ( even a simple and small one) and start doing some of those things, keep busy, be sociable and keep expanding your circle of acquaintances and friends. Focus on that for a while and you'll be surprised to find that more opportunities open up. Also. It sounds like you are a very nice person and that perhaps people who are not as nice, like the BF, take advantage of that, so read up on some assertiveness techniques in case you find yourself in a similar situation.

30 is incredibly young! I split with my ex and met my current fiancee at 38, we have a 5 year old daughter now and could not be happier. There is so much time for meeting someone right.

Pay him for what? A screenshot providing evidence of his entitlement and inattention and greed

Personally I'd pay him and then dump him. You really don't need the grief, financial issues aside he's accused you of cheating with no evidence and acted totally unreasonably. This is the start of a relationship when everyone is supposed to be on their best behaviour, if he's acting like this now then God knows what he'll be like later on. It's hard when you've been single for so long but you deserve better, besides you're with this idiot, therefore not available to find someone much better.

If someone accuses you of cheating and lying and blocks you during an argument, you need to break up with them immediately, no matter where they're from or what work or employment stress they have going on. This reaction is emotionally abusive and you do not want to be with an abuser.

Good luck with this relationship. You’re gonna need it.

I wouldn't need to pay him back to keep the peace as I wouldn't be seeing him again.

He has no redeeming qualities, not having a job isnt a problem if he's actively looking for one but suggesting you are cheating on him, gaslighting you that you agreed to something you didn't and then wanting money off you is a huge no-no. If he can afford takeaway assuming £40 for 2 then he could have traveled to you and gone for a drink in a pub, gone bowling or a cinema trip.

£20???? Omg, £20????? Not a cruise he bought for you both?

Either you are him under several identities or you get off on the thought a woman pays a man for showing her any sort of attention or you think he needs £20 of hush money to not be violent. None of this makes sense. He should pay for food he ate and she didn't expect or want.

His behaviour is not ok!! One of my narcissistic ex’s was like this, constantly changing plans but not telling me? Making me out to be the bad guy and freaking out and accusing me of cheating/stealing/lying etc, it doesn’t get better, you may want to excuse this behaviour as a one time thing but it just never is, this is a red flag, a warning of what is in store for you if you put up with it. Please work on your self worth and look into healthy communication and relationships because I’m sorry to say, this isn’t it. You deserve better, hence 99% of us here advising you LTB actually I’d say RUN!! Block and never look back.

The man has red flags flowing all around him! The demand for money for food that he can easily eat himself, getting over upset about the communication fail about the meet-up arrangements and the worst one is accusing you of cheating after he’s only known you a couple of months. He shouldn’t be doing this even after two years or any amount of time. You’re allowed to socialise without him. He’s not worth your time. This is how women get sucked into emotionally abusive relationships.

Lol for all we know he ate the pizza with a mate or with another girl. OP doesn't need to subsidise his meals.

Girl: run.

You get the treatment you permit. Don’t ever accept petty or mean treatment from a man. Hold your head high and internally think like a Queen. You may not get a man right away—or at all—but you also won’t be treated like shit by your dates. And as everyone has pointed out accusing you of cheating is very shit behavior.

@Gymnasticsalltheway Good God No, you are not being unreasonable.

If he’s like this with money now then he will only get worse, I speak from experience xx

He accused you of cheating? Does that concern you?

Don’t give him a penny back. Take that £20 and start a savings pot to get a sperm donor if you are longing for a child.

It would be a happier and more peaceful experience than having a baby with this penny pinching, miserable, angry man.

First post nails it!
Expecting you to make the trip to his house every time so he makes no effort
Expecting you to pay him back when he’s never paid you back
Accusing you of cheating and lying for no reason!
Getting angry
Blocking you

These are all red flags and the hallmarks of a selfish immature man. One inconvenience or miscommunication shouldn’t result in accusations, anger and blocking. You’d be a fool to carry on seeing him, he is already showing you his true colours

Transfer him the money and in the reference tell him he’s blocked

1. He is a poor communicator. This will not improve at his age.
2. He sees his wants as more important than yours. This will not improve as the relationship goes on.
3. He doesn’t take a no. Big red flag.
4. He went straight to accusations of cheating when he didn’t get what he wanted. This will be a pattern that will repeat.
5. He isn’t reasonable. If he’d misunderstood the plan, it’s on him, asking you to reimburse him for his error is ridiculous.

He then accused me of cheating and lying about where I was
Bin

Later on, he then sent me a screenshot of a receipt of food that he bought for me (costing £20.00). I called him back and asked what this was for and he said that he wanted me to pay him back for the food he bought. I told him "No way", especially since I have bought him things here and there and haven't asked him to pay me back. He then got upset and said that he is expecting me to pay him back either way, accused me of cheating and got a bit angry over the phone

Bin
.
Can I ask? AIBU, should I pay him back. I expect that there was miscommunication on both sides. But should I pay him back just to keep the peace. Interested to hear anyone's thoughts

Don't keep the peace. Just bin.

I can't believe you've been asking people why they are saying you should bin him.

For goodness sake. Give your head a wobble.

He's using you. He's making no effort. And then he's accusing you of cheating.

Don't bloody pay him back. Just bin and block.
You can do way better than this.